Husband insulted my appearance (and it’s not first time)

[Lamsji8372]

No kids
married for 2 years.

he is 40 and I’m 30.

In the past he insulted my looks…
He said I looked washed up, tramp, and my breath stinks.

Others, including the dentist, have told me my breath is fine. Also, my oral hygiene is good.

now recently we had an arguement. Nothing big. And I just carried on getting dressed and doing things around the house.

But as always, he has to take it too far.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked.

I ignored it as I believe I looked decent and I wasn’t going to let him break my confidence.

Then some time later…

He says look at the state of you. Laughs a lot. Tells me I have a fat belly that droops (I don’t). That I have saggy boobs (I do since childhood but I’ve accepted it). And he’s grossed out by me. He finds me repulsive. That’s why he doesn’t have sex with me (lying coz he’s always tryna initiate sex with me). Says I’m dirty, don’t wash my bum, don’t brush my teeth and have smelly breath. His exes were way better and prettier.

all I said was “go be with them”.

and he said I will. And continued insulting my looks.

he called me a whore many times. Accused me of sleeping with men.

so I said okay I’m the hoe and yet you married me. Surely that’s a reflection on you , why were you so desperate and why did you lower your standards if I’m so disgusting… have more self worth and next time choose someone more worthy of you.

then he said yeah I was desperate and I did lower my standards.
I responded and said we’ll be angry at yourself for choosing to marry me. Even when I walked away your the one who kept chasing and begging me to come back.

he continued whiling out.

Now I’m not saying I’m super attractive but let’s just say people (including his own family) have said he’s punching with me. I have never said this to him as I don’t wanna hurt him. But the irony of it all.

anyways, I’ve left home now.
but why is he being like this?

Oh I see, glad to hear that - I thought you meant you’d just gone out.

He’s like this because he’s a vile arsehole, some people are, no point wondering why.

Right now, just focus on leaving, once you’ve done that, do examine how you ended up marrying him, because the chances are, you missed some signs.

He's like this because he is a misogynistic arsewipe. Well done for leaving him, but you must stay strong now.

Get the divorce wheels rolling. Show him that you mean business and don't let him worm his way back in promising you the earth. He won't change and he has already shown you who he really is. If anything he would probably get worse, quickly.

When a snake bites you don't sit and ponder why . You get away. Well done. He's doing this because he's a pathetic man who has to bring you down.

First I hope you leave and never go back to him.
But it sounds like he does it to make you feel awful about yourself. So that you won't leave him. And won't meet someone else. (NOT THAT YOU NEED A MAN)
Its a really pathetic way off controlling you.
Because he is probably insecure and doesnt like to treat women with respect and dignity.
I have been with my dh 20 plus years and he has never said anything negative about my appearance. And I have had kids and illness and depression the works. I have gained weight lost weight had hair loss. Gotten older and grey in parts. Basically he loves me for who I am . And we both accept looks come and go and change . Thats not what's important longterm.
He is never going to treat you nicely. No matter what you look like.

They abuse you slowly that's why they make you think is normal/ you deserve.
Don't victim blame, most women don't realise they have been abused and when they do it takes them very long to leave. I'm glad OP did it and I'm glad she does not have children with him so she can blocked him everywhere and bye bye little man.

OMG LTB

Please start reading this living with the dominator. He's a insecure, weak bully who is putting you down so you never leave him. He's jealous and controlling

https://amzn.eu/d/h1my72Y

Free pdf

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/fp.pdf

Also get the book why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft

but why is he being like this?

Because he's an abusive bag of shit who can't get a woman to stay with him for his love, kindness and bedroom skills. So he has to make them think they're so worthless, they can't be single and he is the best they will ever be able to do.

Who cares why he thinks anything? You're free, leave him to stew, nasty bastard.

Well done for leaving and, although it's probably rough for you at the moment, you won't regret leaving for a second. He's like the dirt on the sole of your shoe.

Welcome to your happy and glorious future, a land with wide horizons and full of opportunity.

I'm really happy for you

Family solicitor here. That’s abusive and if you can get an appointment to see your doctor to document this and how it’s made you feel you can use that as gateway evidence for legal aid and family help lower (you have to be financially eligible too so check that out first)

good luck and well done for leaving xx

He does it because he gets off on it.

It's contempt. Do not allowed him to speak to you about anything again. Everything is in writing because I expect he will either be really nice for a bit or really lose it now you are ending things.

Yes, other posters have it right- it’s his way of keeping you. Which ironically makes us leave. Google “mate retention” and “cost inflicting strategy “ … it’s apparently well known in the field of evolutionary psychology. He’s too unhealthy for you- you made the right decision to leave.

There could be lots of reasons. None of which have anything to do with you.

There is only ever one question you need to ask and that is, "Does this person make me feel safe, secure and happy?" Life is too short to cast your pearls before swine.

What a prince! Easiest LTB ever. He hates you, has no respect for you and is an utter asshole. There is nothing to be lost here and everything to be gained by leaving him. You deserve to find someone wonderful who loves and respects you. You will be infinitely happier the minute you tell him to take a hike. GET RID TODAY and start loving yourself again!

Omg, leave leave leave.
He is abusive.
You are worth more than this.
Please contact womens charities and places of support and extricate yourself from this relationship now.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and his behaviour is not your fault and you won't be able to change it. Please rid yourself of this terrible man and don't look back.

@AgathaCristina

They abuse you slowly that's why they make you think is normal/ you deserve.
Don't victim blame, most women don't realise they have been abused and when they do it takes them very long to leave. I'm glad OP did it and I'm glad she does not have children with him so she can blocked him everywhere and bye bye little man.

I'm not victim blaming, I've been through an abusive marriage myself. Just trying to get across to the OP how extreme this is. Sometimes tough love is necessary in these situations.

Wow OP he’s got a bit of evil in him doesn’t he!?

Nasty man, as said before, please do not subject a child to having this animal for a dad, he’ll destroy a kid. He’d destroy you too, well done for having the strength to leave, I wish I did when I was your age, took me years and 2 poor kids

He's being like this because he's an insecure prick. And he knows you can do better - and will!

For some reason even the ugliest of men look in the mirror and think that every woman alive will go for them. Don't look back.

The question is not why is he being like this but why are you still with him?

Only you can answer that.

Thank god you're divorcing him. Don't waste time working out the reasons he needs to put you down - it will be something to do with his ego and making himself feel better by making you small but it doesn't matter. Just get out of the relationship pronto and move on.

Omg, what very vile and cruel behaviour. This isn’t normal. He’s trying to cripple your confidence bit by bit until there is nothing let of your self esteem. A man should love you unconditionally, we all don’t look perfect from day today, my legs sometimes look like a Amazon forest 🌳. I would expect a man to still love but for who I am. This disgusting monster is all about appearances. Well he could look like Brad Pitt but he’s personality and character is rotten. So here it is, get the fuck out of that relationship. Walk away quickly and with dignity and respect for yourself, then pick yourself up & have a huge glow up for you and only you! That rat will be a sorry ass in no time & it will be too late, god help the next victim that comes his way.

He is like this because he’s a nasty, evil piece of shit and you deserve better than him by far.

do not let him reduce your own self-worth and self-esteem.

many other posters are better than me at all the “ducks in a row” stuff; you’re married, so make sure you get everything you are entitled to when you leave his sorry arse.

💐

im just baffled as why he’s so rude and how he thinks it’s okay

My guess is he wants to be the pretty one in your relationship and he knows he’s not, even his friends/ family have said so. Pathetic little turd. It’s unlikely he thinks it’s ok, unless he talks to everyone like that. But what he has known until now is that it’s ok to be so disgusting to you because you’ve stated with him.

You’ve left now. Don’t go back