Husband insulted my appearance (and it’s not first time)

[Lamsji8372]

No kids
married for 2 years.

he is 40 and I’m 30.

In the past he insulted my looks…
He said I looked washed up, tramp, and my breath stinks.

Others, including the dentist, have told me my breath is fine. Also, my oral hygiene is good.

now recently we had an arguement. Nothing big. And I just carried on getting dressed and doing things around the house.

But as always, he has to take it too far.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked.

I ignored it as I believe I looked decent and I wasn’t going to let him break my confidence.

Then some time later…

He says look at the state of you. Laughs a lot. Tells me I have a fat belly that droops (I don’t). That I have saggy boobs (I do since childhood but I’ve accepted it). And he’s grossed out by me. He finds me repulsive. That’s why he doesn’t have sex with me (lying coz he’s always tryna initiate sex with me). Says I’m dirty, don’t wash my bum, don’t brush my teeth and have smelly breath. His exes were way better and prettier.

all I said was “go be with them”.

and he said I will. And continued insulting my looks.

he called me a whore many times. Accused me of sleeping with men.

so I said okay I’m the hoe and yet you married me. Surely that’s a reflection on you , why were you so desperate and why did you lower your standards if I’m so disgusting… have more self worth and next time choose someone more worthy of you.

then he said yeah I was desperate and I did lower my standards.
I responded and said we’ll be angry at yourself for choosing to marry me. Even when I walked away your the one who kept chasing and begging me to come back.

he continued whiling out.

Now I’m not saying I’m super attractive but let’s just say people (including his own family) have said he’s punching with me. I have never said this to him as I don’t wanna hurt him. But the irony of it all.

anyways, I’ve left home now.
but why is he being like this?

Oh and just to be really clear… HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

He might pretend to change for a little while to reel you back in. But this is who he is.

This man does not love you. He does not even like you, op. Please divorce him, he will be destroying your self esteem and mental health.

This is abuse, OP. He’s not being immature, he’s being an abusive dick. Not sure if you having left home is temporary (like gone out for the day) or permanent but please, please leave for good. He sounds awful and unkind. You deserve so much better.

Well done for leaving

As others have said, he doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you...and I'd go as far as to say he hates you.

Why? Doesn't really matter. Who cares what such a disgusting prick thinks? If this isn't the first time he's done it, that shows it's how he really feels about you.

You are only 30. Plenty of time to start again, I've re-started my life twice after divorce, once at 24 and again at 40. I'm now 57 and have been in a relationship for 16 years.

Because he's abusive. It will only escalate.

My bet to the why would be that your attractive and he’s very, very insecure and abusive.

Well done for leaving, no one this vile is worth wasting your life on. Just make it a permanent split, don’t engage with him any further.

Well done Op. Stay strong. He won't accept that you have left.

Well done for leaving him. Now that he is on his own, he can join his fellow misogynists on Reddit slagging off women who are out of their league and who wouldn't touch your husband with a barge pole.

He's like that because he's a piece of shit. The opposite of a good, nice person. And he'll never, ever change x

Well done you.

He's like that as he's making you do his dirty work. All so he can say that you left him and he can play the victim.

None of that matters, you've done what's right for you. It doesn't matter what he or anyone else thinks.

Glad that you are leaving that abusive man.

I assume he is doing this because he is totally insecure about you being younger and better looking than he is or he is just a sadistic waste of waste.

Either way no woman should put up with that kind of behaviour.

Well done op...thank heavens you don't have children with him.

Read “Why Does He Do Thst” by Lundy Bancroft but the short answer is “he does it because he’s a sadist who enjoys causing pain. “

Sounds to me like he’s hugely insecure and worried you’ll cheat so is trying to break your confidence so you feel “lucky” to have him. What a vile man; you deserve so much better.

Can't believe what I just read...get out now, before you end up with children with him. Absolute nightmare.

He knows he’s “punching” so he’s trying to make you feel worthless.
that’s not good, the best thing to do is to separate.
In his mind he thinks if you believe all that he says, you won’t cheat or look else where.
he also thinks if you believe all that you are, beautiful, civil, attractive, kind, confident and all the other things people actually like in other people, then you might feel like you can look else where.

He’s afraid of leaving him for someone else. So he thinks by damaging your confidence you won’t.

but why is he being like this?

Because he's an abusive, insecure, pathetic little man who is trying to damage your confidence in the hope you'll come to believe that nobody else will want you, so you may as well stick with him.

Glad you've left him. You deserve so much better.

He is being like this because he is a loser and wants you at his level. Little men like him try to take away women's self confidence. Don't go back with him, he is abusive.

Totally agree. Didn't see your comment and I comment something similar.

Good for you OP. Get out and stay out before he gets inside your head and grinds you down.

I agree with others, it will only escalate...slowly you stop going out znd seeing oeopke, your confidence takes a knock, you're on egg shells all the time waiting for the next lot of horrible comments...don't get in a cycle of leaving and returning either however much he beds and wails and makes threats. Or cries and pours his heart out. Just get rid.

Thank goodness you've left!

Why are you even having to ask? And what has happened to you to make you think this is normal and you deserve this?

Stop worrying about why he’s an abusive cunt. He is one. Focus on getting yourself the hell out of dodge. You don’t have kids and its been a short marriage. Just get on with it before he escalates.

OP, this is a horror show

Make arrangements to leave him immediately

If there’s a problem with that please share it here and people will have ideas

Why did either of you marry the other?