Husband insulted my appearance (and it’s not first time)

[Lamsji8372]

No kids
married for 2 years.

he is 40 and I’m 30.

In the past he insulted my looks…
He said I looked washed up, tramp, and my breath stinks.

Others, including the dentist, have told me my breath is fine. Also, my oral hygiene is good.

now recently we had an arguement. Nothing big. And I just carried on getting dressed and doing things around the house.

But as always, he has to take it too far.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked.

I ignored it as I believe I looked decent and I wasn’t going to let him break my confidence.

Then some time later…

He says look at the state of you. Laughs a lot. Tells me I have a fat belly that droops (I don’t). That I have saggy boobs (I do since childhood but I’ve accepted it). And he’s grossed out by me. He finds me repulsive. That’s why he doesn’t have sex with me (lying coz he’s always tryna initiate sex with me). Says I’m dirty, don’t wash my bum, don’t brush my teeth and have smelly breath. His exes were way better and prettier.

all I said was “go be with them”.

and he said I will. And continued insulting my looks.

he called me a whore many times. Accused me of sleeping with men.

so I said okay I’m the hoe and yet you married me. Surely that’s a reflection on you , why were you so desperate and why did you lower your standards if I’m so disgusting… have more self worth and next time choose someone more worthy of you.

then he said yeah I was desperate and I did lower my standards.
I responded and said we’ll be angry at yourself for choosing to marry me. Even when I walked away your the one who kept chasing and begging me to come back.

he continued whiling out.

Now I’m not saying I’m super attractive but let’s just say people (including his own family) have said he’s punching with me. I have never said this to him as I don’t wanna hurt him. But the irony of it all.

anyways, I’ve left home now.
but why is he being like this?

My first LTB - he feels inferior and rather than celebrate you he mocks you. Idiot, he’ll only get worse, because he knows he can’t match up.

Well done @Lamsji8372 he is a horrible excuse of a man

You really don't need to know why he's acting like a dick @Lamsji8372- that's for him to figure out in therapy if he wants to have a good relationship with a woman one day.

You only know that he's acting like a dick trying to get your self-esteem down so you feel worthless enough to stay for more verbal abuse. Don't hang around and wait for more- it will just get worse- I can guarantee that.

He does this because he is insecure, ill mannered, disrespectful, insular, and a total fucking bully! Please do not consider having children with this waste of oxygen?

Congratulations on leaving. Here’s the start to your new life!!! And don’t be fooled if he starts grovelling, apologising , telling you he’ll change. Because he won’t.

He's doing it because he knows he's not good enough. This makes him angry.

He's old. He resents your youth.

You're more attractive than him. It really pisses him off that he can't dent your confidence.

He wants you all the time and at times is rejected. This angers him because he wants you to give in.

He was SO threatened by it that he pushed it so far you left. He wanted to be the one in power. With control. With some women it would have worked and then he'd have moved on into a full-blown, physically abusive relationship.

Believe it or not, by leaving you might actually have done him a favour. Occasionally, men learn by being left (my ex did). They know what they went too far and improve with the next woman (as with my ex - not saying he was perfect with his 2nd wife but he was better).

Also men don't really grow up until their 40s/50s (some never really do of course). So despite your 10 year age difference, you were likely more mature than him.

You did the right thing by leaving because if you hadn't he would have become much, much more abusive.

You need to leave him. Now.

He is mocking your looks to wear you down. He knows you're an attractive woman. He wouldn't have entered a relationship with you if he wasn't ever attracted to you. However, he is extremely insecure and worried you'll leave him. He is attempting to destroy your confidence and feel so unattractive that you'll feel lucky to have him and stay with him, despite how shitty he behaves. And it will get worse.

Do NOT have children with this man. He will treat you terribly.. Complain you've put on weight, you're too tired, too lazy, don't give him enough attention, make no effort etc. Pregnancy and newborns really strain a healthy relationship, so imagine the impact it have on your relationship with this despicable excuse of a man.

Please keep the ball rolling and def divorce this cunt. You deserve happiness and to be treated with respect.

I am in the if true camp. Why do you need to ask why he is like this, you know he is, you know it hurts and its obvious he is a inferior specimen. You married him, the others saw though him.
You deserve someone better than this man. He is revolting.

So thrilled to read this. There is no logic to it. Has an abusive man. This is just him.

He knows he's punching. He sounds so insecure and is taking his insecurities out on you. This reeks of when a rough teenager would be an absolute bitch to a pretty girl out of jealousy. He knows you're too good for him so is trying to grind you down so you meekly stay with him. Hopefully he'll realise one day how toxic he's been towards you. I'm so, so glad you're choosing to protect your self worth. You've got nothing to doubt yourself about, you're invincible to his shit. Keep that barrier there, try not to psychoanalysis him any further, this is all a 'him' issue, go shine bright and you'll eventually attract someone who appreciates every bit of you (if that's what you want.)

Why are you with him. He’s a Middle Aged man. You are 30, young and in the prime of your life. Leave him now and make yourself a better life without that arsehole in it.

im just baffled as why he’s so rude and how he thinks it’s okay

Because he's nasty, abusive, has low self esteem, wants to drag you down & for you to believe it.

But "your bum smells"?

Haven't heard that since primary school!

He punching and knows it, but is trying to undermine your self esteem so that you don't have the confidence to leave him.
Fortunately, you are confident enough in yourself to know he is full of sh*t and he has been so, almost comically, extreme it has had the opposite effect.
Good riddance to him, you are young enough to find someone who deserves you because he certainly doesn't.

Well done - stay far far away from him and you will have a much happier life. He will never change - he’s a horrendous abusive prick.

I don’t usually say this but you need to divorce him.

Immediately.

Then head to therapy

Obviously it’s awful but I struggle to have sympathy when this is a common thing.

You are (were) choosing to be treated like this.

Well done for finally leaving.

I promise you being single is not that bad.

why is he being like this?

Because he’s horrible OP. Actually kinda vile.

You don’t need a reason.

Go. Just leave.

The world is out there.

Enjoy life without this headf*.

Never put up with anything like this again.

Choose caring people. Or be alone. Anything is better than someone trying to injure your soul.

Are you guys drinking during these conversations?

He sounds like an insecure repulsive little runt who wishes to bring you down to his level so he can abuse you further for his own entertainment .
You need to get away from him and prepare for him to kick off big time when you do because these weasels hate losing their grip.

This is such a heart breaking post. Please leave this prick

Congratulations on getting rid of that monster. The trash just took itself out. Well done OP!

He is a vile POS pig. Just end it. You have no ties and deserve so much more. He wants to go to his exes? Let him and go and find someone who treats you with love and respect 🤷‍♀️

Because he’s a a sad pathetic man who’s so scared you’ll leave him he is trying to destroy your confidence so you’ll believe no one else will want you and you’ll stay. Well done for leaving. As Yazz said “the only way is up”.

He doesn’t think it’s okay. He’s either doing it to knock your confidence, so that he has more control over you, or he’s doing it because he no longer wants to be with you and is doing what he can to make you go away.

You're doing the right thing by walking away and getting a divorce. The best thing you can do is to minimise any further contact with him and file for divorce. If anyone hassles you about why, explain what you have in this post and tell them that he is emotionally abusive.

What is happening to you is awful and you’ve taken the right steps to make your life better and protect your self worth.

Well done for leaving.

You are so young and can start fresh, find the true love of your life and live happily ever after.