Something isn't right thread #2

[FourAndFive]

Thanks so much for all your help and support. I can't believe the first thread is full - there isn’t a huge amount to update on right now, but I am looking forward to the future with my head held high, whatever the outcome. I'll keep posting.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5391850-something-isnt-right-emotional-affair-or-just-friends?page=1

Always appreciated, Hoggle x

It’s good to hear from you and glad a “ new normal” is being established. Your husband is one of the “lesser” bastards on here doing that to you but it seems he loved you and saw reason in the end.

It sounds like you're coming to terms with the new norm in your marriage and your different view of your husband. I hope you find happiness and peace.

I'm glad your kids and dad are doing well too.

I've been ruminating on my post yesterday, and I'm not sure it hits the right note... So I'm adding a bit more. This is for all the women in my shoes, that will hopefully find courage from my threads, and from the countless mumsnetters that have taken time to post and share their experience.

I feel strong. Maybe not the right word, but the decisions I've made, and the stand I made has given me clarity and peace in my soul. And there is strength in that. I know who I am. My decisions wont be for everyone... but please, please know that you can do it. YOU CAN. Whatever happens, don't let these fuckers humiliate, gaslight, ignore you or take away your peace. You deserve to be respected in your relationship and if they think they can get away with making you second guess everything then you have the power to stop it. Don't take any shit. Make the stand - the future you will be so grateful you did.

Your terms are VALID. If it makes you feel shit, call it out and make it stop - you have that power. If it doesn't stop, it doesn't serve you and you, my friend, do not deserve that.

And @Femaleone is correct. Bastard is too good for these fucking abhorrent, selfish wankers.

@FourAndFive agree with you. Never give them an inch from the beginning when it comes to boundaries as they chip away at our boundaries wayyyy before they start sniffing around another piece of skirt. It happens when they start to not appreciate all we do and take things for granted. It’s when we start to bend for them and it hurts but still we do. Marriage is about compromise but as women we should not compromise who we are, when we are in a relationship.

I had to come down hard on my partner a few weeks ago as I could feel my boundaries were being stretched. Everything stopped lol . I showed then if they did not care about how I felt that I would withdraw completely until better behavior was reinstated ( none of it related to another women) He got a shock.

"Remember any guilt, shame, remorse he feels is on him don’t take on these emotions for him."

Your words really struck home with me. I've never heard it put this way but it's a simple truth. What he's done and how he feels is not @FourAndFive's burden; she has her own emotions to carry through no fault of her own, and that's quite enough.

Thank you for saying that so clearly.🌹