I'm proud of how I handled things. My husband thinks I was too harsh

[Girlmom35]

So, backstory.
I have a 6-year old with a genetic condition which presents itself much like autism. Not completely the same, but similarities. One thing she still absolutely hates, is when people touch her without her permission. A year ago she would have just started screaming when being touched or picked up. Now she's already at a point where she can politely but firmly say "don't touch me please, I don't like it".

I've been working a lot with her on bodily autonomy because I absolutely believe she has the right to decide who gets to touch her, but I also want her to understand that sometimes people have to intervene for her safety (like grabbing her when she crosses the road without looking). So she knows she's not supposed to touch anyone without consent, but people don't get to touch her either.

Back to today's events.
We were at the zoo as a family. She walked out ahead of me to look at an animal. I was walking with my slower 3-year old, but I could see my eldest at all times.
She reaches the fence and has trouble looking over it. She's patiently waiting for my husband and I to walk over and offer help.
There's a woman my age (35-ish) standing next to her. The woman doesn't ask permission or communicate with her at all. She just walks over to my daughter and attempts to pick her up.
At this point I wasn't upset. She was trying to be helpful, maybe in an unfortunate way but not every child would have felt as uncomfortable as my child.
My daughter responds as she's been taught and filmy says: "please don't pick me up". She also pulls away. Her body language was incredibly clear.
The woman ignores her, pulls her arm and tries again to pick her up.
My daughter gets upset and starts saying "no, no, no, stop, put me down!" and pushing the woman away.
Again, she gets ignored.. The woman says "I'm just trying to help you". She doesn't let her go.
At this point my daughter is screaming (it took her 15 minutes to settle after this, she was so upset).
The woman still doesn't put her down and even comments "stop being so difficult".
I have now caught up to them. This all happened in under a minute. I pull my daughter from this woman's arms and I'm not gentle pulling her hands off my daughter.
I am visibly pissed off and I said to the woman: "Let go of her. She said no. I do not want you touching my daughter against her will."

The woman was very offended. She made a hushed comment. I didn't hear it well because I had a 6-year-old crying into my ears and I was attempting to calm her down.
My daughter kept sobbing :" I told her no and she didn't stop". She also apologized for screaming at the woman. She was worried that I'd tell her off for not being polite.
I affirmed my daughter. The woman was still in hearing distance, but I told my daughter that she was right, that the lady had no right to pick her up without asking. That she had asked politely, but it was very understandable that she got upset when the woman didn't respect her no.
To which the woman rolled her eyes and walked away.

I was actually proud of myself. I've never been in this situation where I had to react quickly and I was afraid I'd freeze. But I intervened and protected my child above my need to avoid conflict or awkwardness.

My husband agrees that the woman was in tbe wrong, but he says I didn't have to rub it in.

Opinions?

@Blunderbussviking Agree.

I affirmed my daughter did it for me.

It’s so funny people don’t believe this has happened. People frequently put their hands on my disabled daughter and don’t take no for an answer. “I’m just trying to help” they say when I yell at them. If they were just trying to help, the point at which the person they are “helping” says no, should be a big indicator to them they are not, in fact, helping.

You can’t hover over children just because they have additional needs. They need to learn the same independence as their peers. I’ve watched from afar as other adults interact with my daughter when she was younger, seeing how it plays out, but also being close enough to step in if I needed to. When you have a disabled child, you get way more used to “eyes on” support when your kids are older. You have to, otherwise they can become far too dependent on adults being there to deal with issues. OP has taught her daughter how to deal with situations, and for most adults, this would have been fine. The suggestion she is 2m away from her daughter at all times to allow for the times when adults are dicks is crazy.

That woman was way out of line! You are definitely not being unreasonable and your daughter sounds amazing! I hope she has recovered now and you managed to enjoy the rest of your time at the zoo

I've had four children and no stranger has ever picked them up.. I'd say it's extremely unlikely to ever happen again 🤔

@Blunderbussviking Your comment was very rude. And shows that you clearly have both limited life experience and imagination.

You did fine op, in that situation the woman was totally in the wrong.

Last week in a car park of our big local park a toddler aged 2-3 made an escape from his mum’s car while she was putting her baby into a pram. He shot past me I was in my boot reversed into a space, he was about to run across the grass verge into a main road, I will confess I acted on impulse and did grab him from the back by his dungarees, his mum was very grateful thankfully, this thread has got me thinking what should I have done in that situation?

Oh you did absolutely the right thing. For a start it was a toddler not a 6 year old. And, there was a presenting danger.

Besides, you didn't pick them up, did you? You just kept them safe until their mum came along.

@MrsJeanLuc no I didn’t pick him up, just stopped/restrained him via his straps, his mum was only about 1 minute behind him but I dread what could of happened in that minute. There’s no fence around the car park and the road is a busy 30 mph road with multiple lorries passing to get to the unloading bays due to the park being located in the town centre.