New boyfriend wants sex all the time

[agencies]

I’ve been dating my new boyfriend for about 3 months now and he always wants sex. We live 15 minutes apart and see each other most days. On the days we don’t see each other, he talks about it and asks for naughty photos. On weekends, we often end up having sex several times a day (8 times on Saturday). It’s hard to just relax and watch TV without him wanting to jump on me. He seems to want it all the time. He says it’s because he fancies me so much and gets really excited.

I used to think I had a high sex drive until I met him. I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong btw. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem because I don’t want it as much as he does. I understand that new relationships are exciting, which explains his frequent desire. However, I’m worried because I don’t share the same feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy our sex life, but I would be content with once or twice a day instead of multiple times daily.

Is it concerning that my desire for sex isn't as strong as his?

It depends on the quality of sex. If your having multiple orgasms throughout each of these eight experiences then I guess that is better than several pointless fumbles.
But just say no sometimes. He shouldn't pressure you into it.
It will calm down after a while. If you're still together in ten years you'll be looking back on this and hardly believing it's now once a month at a push.

Ugh. Unless you're a 100% willing participant eight times surely is at least overkill and a serious ick, the excuse that he just fancies you so much has been heard many a time on mumsnet when men have been denied as much sex or one sided intimacy they want. Did you want to have sex all of those eight times? If you can't even feel like you can sit and watch a full film without him initiating then its an issue. A big one.

He's a sex pest with zero control.
Your gut knows this.
Yuk.
Its unlikely just you, it's any poor woman he manages to hook.
Lean into how you are feeling.
If you don't you could end up wasting your time on him.
Despite enjoying sex, he is putting you off.
Its not you, its him.
Listen to how you are feeling.

Am I the only one wondering if OP is failing to come back because she is off doing the shagging...?

OP, 8 times in one day is a LOT. Fine if you are into it, but a worry that you are questioning your right to say no.

What happens if you say no? Do you feel like you can say no?

And bow-legged!

Come on, if you can’t see this isn’t quite right, there’s nothing more to say.

I probably have had sex 8 times in a day before with a new partner. Once. Maybe. And I was about 19 at the time, and so was he. 30 year old men should have calmed down a bit and even with a new partner should be satisfied with 3-4 times a day at the weekend and once or twice a day during the working week. And even that not every day.

Absolutely this. How is he when you say no?

Been there this is hyprrsexuality Start saying no if you dont want sex If he starts being an idiot about it DUMP him

We were like that. I’d say 4 times between early evening and morning, and then a couple more during the day was around our “norm” for the first 6-12 months. So for the stage of your relationship, that was what we were like!

We’ve been together 4 years now and have calmed down. We’re usually 3/4 times a week, but the longest we’ve ever gone is 6 weeks (2x being poorly, then a house move that made us both far far too tired!).

It may settle, but definitely worth a conversation. It would be his reactions to you not wanting it every time he does I’d keep an eye on - I don’t do obligation sex or guilt trips!

There's a high chance he's on Viagra or similar. I thought you were going to be talking about the normal first stages where it's every day and sometimes twice a day, but what you describe sounds really excessive. Up to EIGHT TIMES in one day? Sorry, but that's not possible for a 30-year-old without a performance-enhancing drug.

I agree with another poster that this is possible-nutter territory.

Or maybe he's bi-polar. He sounds kind of maniacal.

This is not normal, OP. Dump him and get yourself a nice normal man who settles down at 2-3 times a week after the honeymoon period.

Isn’t it massively painful? I honestly couldn’t imaging doing it more than once a day without being in UTI territory. I have never heard of anybody having sex 8 times a day. If it’s too much for you then you absolutely need to communicate that with him

I think you need to tell him that if he's going to start treating you and your body as an amusement park then you need to start charging him admission. That should cool his ardour.

Imagine getting messed up 8 times a day. That's 8 showers. Your water bill alone will be astronomical!

What would Nancy do?

Too much! Never heard of such obsessive needs.

Not necessarily. My partner was 42 when we met, and absolutely wasn’t on viagra. Some people are just.. more active than others.

As I said above, we have now settled into a more normal amount, but the first year was as OP described and performance enhancing drugs were not present 😂

I've never heard of 8 times a day, either. The most I've heard of was when I went to bed with a member of Her Majesty's Armed Forces. We were both 25, and he managed five times between 10pm one night and 2pm the next afternoon, at which point we went out for pizza. He was a fit Army member. This was 25 years ago, so he wouldn't have been on Viagra.

Your guy is on the performance-enhancing drugs, OP. Without telling you or getting your consent for being up for enhanced sex. 😡

I strongly agree with others that you need to tell him it's too much for you, and watch his reaction. I'd also ask about the drugs.

I'm older and what I've learned is that you must COMMUNICATE. Don't pussyfoot around. Simply tell him straight-up that it's too much. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem. I would say, "I'm finding your sex drive excessive. It's outside any realm of normal and is way too much for me. Are you on sex drugs like Viagra?"

I'm sure he knows that it's too much. He's probably counting on you being too "polite" to say "WTF are you doing? This is crazy! Are you on drugs?"

I read your sentence as "We've settled in to a more normal mount." 🤣

EIGHT times a day at 42? You sure that's not a memory burnished by your pleasurable recalling of that time? I find it hard to believe!

Yes! That's the word I was looking for - obsessive.

I don't like the sound of him.

40 years ago when I first got together with my future husband and we had at last our own accommodation, ie bed, we enjoyed sex 6- 8 times a day.
On workdays we managed it 4 times a day. It was amazing. So many endorphins.
Our active sex life has lasted into our 70s. No little pills needed, just love, lust, laughter, and lots of cuddles.

Amazing 😂😂

I guess I am talking in 24hr periods, rather than once an hour on the hour, with an alarm clock for good measure 😂

Early evening, 2/3 times at bedtime, sometimes in the middle of the night, 2/3 times in the morning, a couple of times during the day.

That was an “average” (exhausting 😂) Saturday. Weekdays would be similar on an evening and morning, missing the middle of the night, usually lunch!

We joke about it now we’re eternally knackered and debating who’s doing the dishes, but honestly, no drugs middle aged sex was a thing! 🤷🏻‍♀️

This thread is mental 😂 how do people have time for jobs, social life, kids, housework etc with all that shagging?

He is using you. How much real life conversation he has with you, has he shared his future plans with you, does he see you as a marriage partner and so on...how old are both of you.....do you share conversations, some intellectualism, are you are real couple or as we say in my country, from the door by the legs and that's it????

God. Well, I know people go at it when they get together, but I've never heard of anyone having it that much at that age. I still suspect secret pill-popping on his part, but as long as you enjoyed yourself, that's the main thing. 😂

I wonder where I can find one of these male Energizer bunnies...🤔 Asking for a friend!

I had one like this. it was nice for about a week then it started feeling a bit weird, like a needy teenager

I found mine on the internet, but I believe that’s frowned upon and I’m lucky I wasn’t murdered 😂.