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Original poster

Arguments on holiday- is this normal or a deal breaker?

142 replies

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:23

I’m currently on holiday with my DP and my 2 DS. For the past 2 days my DP has barely spoken to me over a very petty argument that I’d forgotten about tbh but apparently I’ve been annoying him all week. So he’s in a mood and just being a right miserable sod. I wouldn’t mind if I could just go off and do stuff with my kids on my own but they’re really hard work by myself and I would never have come on this type of holiday on my own. Children are 2 and 3, 3 year old is autistic so needs constant supervision. They run off in different directions etc so I just don’t feel safe trying to manage it for long. I did yday for an hour at the pool but have to constantly hold/chase one so they stay in the same area! I’ve walked to the shops to get them food to cook for dinner even though we’re half board as I don’t know how I’d manage in the buffet area. I’m fuming as I feel this is ruining the holiday for them as I’m much more limited.
I lost my shit and told him he needs to at least help me with the kids as he’s just been sitting in the hotel room on his phone or just fucking off out, god knows where. He says he was just sitting in the reception last night (for 2 and a half hours). So he has done a bit more today- came to the pool for a couple of hours and come down for food. But that’s it really. Spent a lot of time in the room this afternoon as luckily we have a jacuzzi so that’s kept the kids busy while again he just sat in the bedroom. He will speak to the kids if they approach him but I get zero from him unless I ask him a question and he’ll respond with one/two word answers.
Thank god we’re going home tomorrow as I can’t cope with this! I’m seriously thinking of just fucking him off as soon as we’re back (if we’re not done already) as I just don’t think this is normal behaviour. Or am I overreacting as I know fights on holiday can seem worse?

OP posts:
WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 09/08/2025 20:29

YOU go out. Let him feel what it’s like to be left to do it all on his own. He’s a prick.

mumofbun · 09/08/2025 20:29

Everything is amplified while on holiday but this sounds pretty awful! He's punishing you and the children.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:39

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 09/08/2025 20:29

YOU go out. Let him feel what it’s like to be left to do it all on his own. He’s a prick.

The way he is I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with him right now! As yes he’ll speak to them but he is still miserable. Even basic things like helping me with the pushchair he isn’t doing. Just sat there whilst I struggled to get it out of the door (double buggy only just fits through and hotel door very heavy so a chair wasn’t even holding it open) in the end I had to get the children out and took it out first. It might sound silly but I just think what a fucking twat! Just sitting here wanting to cry and actually wishing he’d fuck off out again as I feel more uncomfortable with him here! (He’s just sitting on the balcony) kids have been asleep for an hour so radio silence since then 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
TalulaHalulah · 09/08/2025 20:42

Dear God, that’s awful.
i would be mentally planning how to leave this relationship and saying never again to any kind of travel with him. So for me, it would be a deal-breaker. But you need to get to the end of the holiday or ask him to travel home early.

Lindy2 · 09/08/2025 20:44

He sounds like an utter selfish twat. How you deal with this when you get home is up to you but honestly I couldn't live with someone so useless.

For now though - the kids are asleep. He's in the room. Why don't you go down to the hotel bar and have a peaceful drink and something to eat. Don't tell him where you are going just go out and have a bit of time to yourself.

nopineapplepizza · 09/08/2025 20:45

Are they his kids?

If so, why is he not parenting them? Does he not realise it’s your holiday too?

Using a petty argument to get out of parenting. What a twat.

whackamole666 · 09/08/2025 20:46

Are they his children?

Mumlaplomb · 09/08/2025 20:47

Yes OP, absolutely fuck him off when you get home. Unforgivable to not help with the kids, it’s their holiday too, awful.

sameshizz · 09/08/2025 20:47

I’m guessing they’re not his kids? Which is why she doesn’t want to leave them with him .

Changingplace · 09/08/2025 20:51

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:39

The way he is I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with him right now! As yes he’ll speak to them but he is still miserable. Even basic things like helping me with the pushchair he isn’t doing. Just sat there whilst I struggled to get it out of the door (double buggy only just fits through and hotel door very heavy so a chair wasn’t even holding it open) in the end I had to get the children out and took it out first. It might sound silly but I just think what a fucking twat! Just sitting here wanting to cry and actually wishing he’d fuck off out again as I feel more uncomfortable with him here! (He’s just sitting on the balcony) kids have been asleep for an hour so radio silence since then 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

If the kids are asleep & he’s there’s just sitting on the balcony can you just put out for a bit and have a bit of time to yourself?

Go for a walk along the beach front? Sit in the hotel bar with a book & a glass of wine?

He sounds utterly awful!!

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:56

No they’re not his children so I guess I can’t expect him to parent them and I don’t. I never have. I do all their care, he just plays with them etc (normally) and will watch one whilst I’m with the other ie if one wants be in the pool and the other runs to the play area etc.

I just wanted a bit of help as without him I can’t do that much with them. He knows this. As I said I would never have come abroad on my own with them until my youngest is older. But I have basically been by myself with them for 2 days. I just feel so sad as I can’t take them to the pool for long, definitely not the beach. And the majority of the last couple of days we have been in the hotel room.
I know we’re home tomorrow so it will be over soon. But unfortunately need his help then as I can’t push the pushchair and suitcase myself. Well I guess I’ll have to if he doesn’t! It’s not even like he’s enjoying himself as he’s just moping around.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 09/08/2025 20:57

He sounds like a twat and he needs to step up. In your situation though I probably wouldn't be planning to leave just yet. I have an autistic child. Things like holidays and days out just aren't how I pictured them, it's extremely stressful and around the age of 3 I was thinking things will get easier but it actually got harder. Could the reality of having an autistic child be hitting him and causing depression? It doesn't excuse his behaviour but it might be something you can work through together. Giving him that chance may be better in the long run because it sounds like managing the 2 of your DC as a single parent would be really difficult so don't make any rushed decisions.

JLou08 · 09/08/2025 21:01

Just seen your update. If he isn't dad this must be a fairly new relationship which changes things. His behaviour may be him checking out, he may have already decided he doesn't want to be involved.

Bittenonce · 09/08/2025 21:01

You know divorce lawyers are busiest after school holidays, when being stuck together with no work escape, heightens any tension to breaking point? Like you’re suffering with now….. I think it depends on whether you’re good, the rest of the time. If so , you just need to have a brutally honest talk about finding a better way on holidays etc .But if it’s that the rest of the time you only just get by, it means your ‘ups and downs’ cycle is only swinging from rock bottom to at best tolerable. And that’s not enough

wrongthinker · 09/08/2025 21:05

Throw this one back, OP. He's being a pathetic baby.

FatLarrysBanned · 09/08/2025 21:06

He doesn’t want to be a step dad. He wants a girlfriend to date and do fun grown up things with. Do you have more help at home (from childcare/parents) which means this holiday is really putting the spotlight on how tough parenting 2 smalls can be?

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 21:14

JLou08 · 09/08/2025 21:01

Just seen your update. If he isn't dad this must be a fairly new relationship which changes things. His behaviour may be him checking out, he may have already decided he doesn't want to be involved.

Agree. Maybe the reality of being a step parent to two very young kids has hit him like a train now he’s around them 24/7 and he’s realised it’s too much to take on.

DWK123 · 09/08/2025 21:17

The kids are 2 and 3 and you're on holiday with someone that isn't the Dad...jeez how was this ever going to happen...

Whi paid for the holiday

Springadorable · 09/08/2025 21:17

Agree with the others that he's checked out. Presumably you've not been together more than a year or so so this is a new relationship and to be honest, I'd also be having serious second thoughts if the actual parent couldn't manage their own kids without help so I get why he's pulled back.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2025 21:23

The pushchair thing would end the relationship for me. To stand and decide not to help when helping would be very easy. Watching someone you supposedly love have to do hard things to make a point. I wouldn’t stand there watching my worst enemy struggle with kids like that. Sorry but he’d be done.

ns87 · 09/08/2025 21:23

He doesn't want to be a parent to your children

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/08/2025 21:24

He sounds like a knob and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t even hold the door open for me whilst I struggle through it. The sharing the parenting is difficult because he’s not actually their parent but I would hope any partner would at least want to take an interest in my children.

The silent treatment is abusive and I wouldn’t put up with it. He’d be out!

LushLemonTart · 09/08/2025 21:28

No he wants out. Cruel to let you struggle though.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:29

Maybe it is the reality of being around my kids all the time which is fair enough. But he needs to be an adult about it and not act like a dick. We’ve been together for about 15 months so not a massive amount of time. He has 2 of his own kids (older) but I guess an autistic child is more challenging. But he was very aware of how active etc he is. He wanted to book the holiday. I was actually going away with my parents originally so I didn’t force him to come! And to the person who commented about not being able to manage my own kids without help clearly doesn’t have any understanding. Or if you are in a similar position and manage fine then hats off to you.
And that seems to be placing the blame on me. I am very aware that I struggle alone. That’s not my shitty parenting, that’s because as I said my 3 year old needs constant supervision. He does in nursery also and with anyone else who is caring for him. It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t also have a 2 year old also which I would hope you understand also needs a lot of attention. And no I don’t get help at home (their dad left when my youngest was a newborn baby) so he is used to me having very little help. To me it’s no excuse to leave me in this position. He’s free to leave the relationship. Just didn’t think he’d check out at the worst possible time. If he just didn’t want to be around my kids then he could offer to walk and get them food so I don’t have to struggle to do that for example. But it seems to be me more that he has the issue with not the kids. Unless he’s masking it

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:40

And just to clarify my autistic child isn’t badly behaved. As I said it’s just the supervision which tbf you would need to do with any 3 year old, he just needs to be watched more closely as he climbs etc. He has only had one meltdown due to being overtired as he hadn’t had a nap and we went to dinner late. I’ve heard plenty of kids doing the same. So I also don’t want the blame being on my kids. It’s not their fault either. Any 2 and 3 year old would be hard work on holiday

OP posts: