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Original poster

Arguments on holiday- is this normal or a deal breaker?

142 replies

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:23

I’m currently on holiday with my DP and my 2 DS. For the past 2 days my DP has barely spoken to me over a very petty argument that I’d forgotten about tbh but apparently I’ve been annoying him all week. So he’s in a mood and just being a right miserable sod. I wouldn’t mind if I could just go off and do stuff with my kids on my own but they’re really hard work by myself and I would never have come on this type of holiday on my own. Children are 2 and 3, 3 year old is autistic so needs constant supervision. They run off in different directions etc so I just don’t feel safe trying to manage it for long. I did yday for an hour at the pool but have to constantly hold/chase one so they stay in the same area! I’ve walked to the shops to get them food to cook for dinner even though we’re half board as I don’t know how I’d manage in the buffet area. I’m fuming as I feel this is ruining the holiday for them as I’m much more limited.
I lost my shit and told him he needs to at least help me with the kids as he’s just been sitting in the hotel room on his phone or just fucking off out, god knows where. He says he was just sitting in the reception last night (for 2 and a half hours). So he has done a bit more today- came to the pool for a couple of hours and come down for food. But that’s it really. Spent a lot of time in the room this afternoon as luckily we have a jacuzzi so that’s kept the kids busy while again he just sat in the bedroom. He will speak to the kids if they approach him but I get zero from him unless I ask him a question and he’ll respond with one/two word answers.
Thank god we’re going home tomorrow as I can’t cope with this! I’m seriously thinking of just fucking him off as soon as we’re back (if we’re not done already) as I just don’t think this is normal behaviour. Or am I overreacting as I know fights on holiday can seem worse?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 21:34

This is weaponised incompetence

Please keep a diary of all of this, and regularly email him quoting his behaviour and asking for him to change
(Eg 'this holiday you said and did.., the impact on the kids was... please in future can you agree to...)

When he doesn't deny it this will be an excellent paper trail of evidence for when you leave him, and he realised he has to pay you child maintenance and finds a mug girlfriend to help him fight for 5050 (many of us have been there!)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 21:35

Oh I've just seen they're not his kids. Just get rid of him he brings nothing to your life

EfficientWordsmith · 11/08/2025 21:43

He is totally not 'on board' with the whole family dynamic. Frankly, you've enough to cope with without having to put up with his shitty, petulant, passive aggressive behaviour. Do yourself the biggest favour and tell him it's over as soon as you get home. I'm praying it's your house...so you can watch him strain his back as he carts his suitcases down the path, poor lamb 🤭🤣

Pinkdhalia · 11/08/2025 21:44

It's his way of ending it, I've seen that before it's like the candle is going out LOL!
at least he muttered something to the children. You will be better off without him there is no extra pressure to do stuff for him when he is around. You can plan your day . I only meant as they aren't his children he's considering it's easy to not do anything. I wish you happiness and peace x

GiveDogBone · 11/08/2025 21:45

He’s behaved in this extreme way over a “very petty argument that you’ve forgotten about”?

There’s more to this than you are letting on.

Dabberlocks · 11/08/2025 21:58

GiveDogBone · 11/08/2025 21:45

He’s behaved in this extreme way over a “very petty argument that you’ve forgotten about”?

There’s more to this than you are letting on.

Gosh. Next, you'll be saying it's the OP's fault he's been treating her like shit.

Hedgehogbrown · 11/08/2025 22:00

Now you know not to go on a holiday chosen by a shithead man you have only known for 15 months. He obviously had different expectations, and he was probably a shit father to his own kids. Next time go to a holiday park in the UK which has kid things everywhere. Don't make it hard on yourself and don't try to please any men with your holiday. Also never contact him again. Block him now.

user1476613140 · 11/08/2025 22:00

Dixinormous · 09/08/2025 22:35

He is certainly no Prince Charming and he has let you down with his petty behaviour. But 15 months ago you started a new relationship with two children under two- not the best time to make a decision on a new partner.

He has shown you he isn’t good enough for you or your children.

Who has the energy to be dating with two DC under two?!

😱

I personally would struggle with that tbh. Why not just concentrate on the DC you have and date when they're older?

Pippa12 · 11/08/2025 22:31

What an absolute twonk he is. I wouldn’t watch a stranger struggle with a double pram, never mind people I care about.

Although he isn’t ‘obliged’ to help you with your children, he’s agreed to come away with you. He knows the score with your ASD child. Your away from your familiar surroundings and support of your parents, he then withdraws help? Pillock.

The silent treatment alone is disgraceful. People have very low bars if they think this is acceptable behaviour from a partner.

Great he’s shown you who he really is, absolutely shit he had to do it whilst you were abroad and alone. Tells you all you need to know about him really.

Enjoy your day trips!

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 11/08/2025 22:47

GiveDogBone · 11/08/2025 21:45

He’s behaved in this extreme way over a “very petty argument that you’ve forgotten about”?

There’s more to this than you are letting on.

Like what? What could it be? Or is it that you haven't read the thread or at least all of OPs posts?

nmsi · 11/08/2025 22:48

Good riddance.
The rubbish took itself out.

He's not their parent so he shouldn't be expected to parent, which you didn't expect. But I'd expect some common decency at least, towards the woman he's supposed to love, such as helping you to get through a doorway; yes, entertaining one of the children while you deal with another; helping at meal times etc.
He wanted to go on the holiday. Maybe reality bites for him when he's seen what life with two children would be like (his are older so he's maybe forgotten) but that does not excuse his behaviour at all.
You have seen on this holiday that he's not a suitable partner for you because even though they aren't his children, if the relationship were to continue and you were to live together, he'd be in a step-parent role and would need to be doing more to support you than sitting on his arse on his phone all day while you struggle.
A relationship is supposed to benefit both parties through mutual support and loving care for one another.
If it doesn't provide that then it needs to end.

TimeForABreak4 · 11/08/2025 23:05

He's a dick and you deserve better. Glad he at least pushed the suitcases, the fud.

Getitgirl · 11/08/2025 23:20

Christ, the sanctimony from some posters is dripping off the fucking screen. Woman with young children has boyfriend and goes on holiday. Cue: judgement on their paternity, her right to date with two young kids, what she did to provoke him. God forbid someone has a relationship as a single parent and expects a degree of decency from the person who suggested going on the holiday in the first place.

This guy behaved terribly. I think you should block him and consider this as him doing you (and your kids) an inadvertent favour. You now know that he’s terrible and wouldn’t stick around for the tough stuff. In time you’ll be grateful, but I would block all his access to you. You deserve better and I hope you already know this.

nmsi · 11/08/2025 23:23

Getitgirl · 11/08/2025 23:20

Christ, the sanctimony from some posters is dripping off the fucking screen. Woman with young children has boyfriend and goes on holiday. Cue: judgement on their paternity, her right to date with two young kids, what she did to provoke him. God forbid someone has a relationship as a single parent and expects a degree of decency from the person who suggested going on the holiday in the first place.

This guy behaved terribly. I think you should block him and consider this as him doing you (and your kids) an inadvertent favour. You now know that he’s terrible and wouldn’t stick around for the tough stuff. In time you’ll be grateful, but I would block all his access to you. You deserve better and I hope you already know this.

Agree.
There have been some absolutely awful posts over the last week or so, not just on this thread.
Nearly every OP gets piled on in a really unnecessary way.

Cherryicecreamx · 11/08/2025 23:48

Gosh he sounds immature and hard work! With them not being his kids, it should be easy to leave him when you're back home!

He might not be the dad but he's supposed to be your partner and help you out.

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 12/08/2025 02:22

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:00

seriously?@Mumlaplomb

15 months is not a long term relationship.

Show quote history

It is long enough for him to know what he was getting himself into when suggesting a holiday.

aLittleWhiteHorse · 12/08/2025 02:44

You’re reminding me of a holiday to Lanzarote a long time ago, for me, DC and then boyfriend. Very similar circumstances. Not his DC and he pretty much picked a fight and then sulked got days. I hated that DC witnessed me being treated like that… a terrible example.

I made an effort to get him back onside for the sake of the holiday and I dumped him asap once we got home. No regrets!

Cariadm · 12/08/2025 02:51

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:29

Maybe it is the reality of being around my kids all the time which is fair enough. But he needs to be an adult about it and not act like a dick. We’ve been together for about 15 months so not a massive amount of time. He has 2 of his own kids (older) but I guess an autistic child is more challenging. But he was very aware of how active etc he is. He wanted to book the holiday. I was actually going away with my parents originally so I didn’t force him to come! And to the person who commented about not being able to manage my own kids without help clearly doesn’t have any understanding. Or if you are in a similar position and manage fine then hats off to you.
And that seems to be placing the blame on me. I am very aware that I struggle alone. That’s not my shitty parenting, that’s because as I said my 3 year old needs constant supervision. He does in nursery also and with anyone else who is caring for him. It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t also have a 2 year old also which I would hope you understand also needs a lot of attention. And no I don’t get help at home (their dad left when my youngest was a newborn baby) so he is used to me having very little help. To me it’s no excuse to leave me in this position. He’s free to leave the relationship. Just didn’t think he’d check out at the worst possible time. If he just didn’t want to be around my kids then he could offer to walk and get them food so I don’t have to struggle to do that for example. But it seems to be me more that he has the issue with not the kids. Unless he’s masking it

I've read through your posts and a lot of the replies and my overall observation on weighing up everything is that this man does not deserve to be with you or your children and even if he has suddenly realised that he doesn't want to 'parent' someone else's young children that DOES NOT excuse the immature, selfish and frankly unpleasant and unnecessary behaviour whilst on a holiday that he instigated and was all in favour of! 🙄
Sadly, like so many other men we hear about on here, his boring and childish behaviour has highlighted his unreasonable narcissistic nature which is likely to only get worse if you allowed it to by continuing with the relationship. 🤔
I think you have already sensibly decided what you need to do and I hope you stick to your guns as it's obvious to me that he can only be bad news for you and your lovely children! 😱

LoudSnoringDog · 12/08/2025 04:24

He sounds like an arsehole. Throw him back.

K9Mum · 12/08/2025 07:18

Could he be either having an affair or wanting to be with someone else, because sitting on his phone in the room or in Reception sounds like checked out behaviour to me, also carrying on a petty argument, is this his cowards way of setting the seed that it’s over instead of being honest?

OneNeatBlueOrca · 12/08/2025 08:09

K9Mum · 12/08/2025 07:18

Could he be either having an affair or wanting to be with someone else, because sitting on his phone in the room or in Reception sounds like checked out behaviour to me, also carrying on a petty argument, is this his cowards way of setting the seed that it’s over instead of being honest?

It sounds as if the relationship has just run its course.

Londog · 12/08/2025 08:45

I think the holiday was money well spent - you got to see this moody man in his full glory and you’ve not had a ‘ holiday ‘, more a test of endurance!
Mmm.. wonder why his ex partner mugged him off .. 🤔😩
Hot weather ☀️ and an ASD child is very hard work - from my experience - do a nice little UK 🇬🇧 trip with your parents next time and you’ll all benefit ❤️ 🤗 xxx

Lmnop22 · 12/08/2025 08:49

I don’t get why people don’t think that OP’s DP should help parent the kids?? If all had worked out, he would be their step dad and he chose to date a woman with two young kids - that gives him a responsibility to those children even if not as a parent, at least as a friend/step parent/helper!!

I am a single mother of two young kids and if I were to date someone who knew about my kids, I would certainly expect effort on their part to bond, help and foster a relationship with my children once they’d met!

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 12/08/2025 21:50

GiveDogBone · 11/08/2025 21:45

He’s behaved in this extreme way over a “very petty argument that you’ve forgotten about”?

There’s more to this than you are letting on.

This. I would LOVE to hear his side of the story.

Boyfriend wanted a fun holiday with OP and kids. What he got was an out of control nightmare of 24/7 chaos including from the OP who sounds fickle and disorganised, just adding fuel to the mayhem with her terminal indecision. He could probably have borne it if at least the OP was a haven of calm but no. The cherry on the cake was the heavy expectation that he should help with the kids - and no it wasn't just opening a few doors OP expected - she wanted a 50/50 tag team because she can't control both kids on her own - by her own admission!

The poor bloke signed up for a fun holiday not for a job as a Creche assistant cum child minder.

He probably didn't say anything to avoid unleashing his misery and saying something he'd regret.

I wonder who paid for the trip...................

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 08:34

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 12/08/2025 21:50

This. I would LOVE to hear his side of the story.

Boyfriend wanted a fun holiday with OP and kids. What he got was an out of control nightmare of 24/7 chaos including from the OP who sounds fickle and disorganised, just adding fuel to the mayhem with her terminal indecision. He could probably have borne it if at least the OP was a haven of calm but no. The cherry on the cake was the heavy expectation that he should help with the kids - and no it wasn't just opening a few doors OP expected - she wanted a 50/50 tag team because she can't control both kids on her own - by her own admission!

The poor bloke signed up for a fun holiday not for a job as a Creche assistant cum child minder.

He probably didn't say anything to avoid unleashing his misery and saying something he'd regret.

I wonder who paid for the trip...................

Edited
Show quote history

Since you know everything you tell me….. who paid for the trip then?
I love how invested you are in there being some conspiracy. Think what you like but nope sorry, no hidden side of the story. Was it a nightmare? Maybe from his side. My only nightmare was his behaviour at the end. Can’t say anything out of the ordinary happened. Both my kids cried once during dinner time when they were overtired. To me not that unusual. Distract with YouTube etc. And if you read he was pissed off about my bad decisions not my indecisiveness. And I’ve already explained those. What comes across as fickle and disorganised? Not sure how you are judging my character when you don’t know me 🤦🏻‍♀️ but everyone who does know me would completely disagree and say I completely am a ‘haven of calm’. Very organised with the kids routine (I have to be as I stated I have always managed parenting myself) but on holiday, yeh absolutely not at their age would I feel safe doing it in every situation. Pool for example, if something happened to one of them I can’t guarantee I could supervise the other fully at the same time. That’s not rocket science. Ergo I don’t take them swimming in England by myself. Not sure what it is you are struggling so much to understand? If it was a completely out of control nightmare then I’d understand (somewhat) his behaviour. Still doesn’t excuse it to me (you clearly have different standards in men) but I defo wouldn’t be posting on here if I knew myself it was a complete disaster and therefore knew why I was getting the silent treatment, there would be no confusion!

Plus no holiday with a 2 and 3 year old is going to be completely fun all the time. That’s not rocket science. Or have you not got kids? So maybe you should question his decision making also since it was his decision to come rather than feeling sorry for the poor bloke. I love my friends kids but I would never actively choose to go on holiday with them really (if I was without mine). Bad decisions all round I guess. But you can paint me as the villain who has made life unbearable for him if you like. Makes no difference to me 😂

OP posts: