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Original poster

Arguments on holiday- is this normal or a deal breaker?

142 replies

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:23

I’m currently on holiday with my DP and my 2 DS. For the past 2 days my DP has barely spoken to me over a very petty argument that I’d forgotten about tbh but apparently I’ve been annoying him all week. So he’s in a mood and just being a right miserable sod. I wouldn’t mind if I could just go off and do stuff with my kids on my own but they’re really hard work by myself and I would never have come on this type of holiday on my own. Children are 2 and 3, 3 year old is autistic so needs constant supervision. They run off in different directions etc so I just don’t feel safe trying to manage it for long. I did yday for an hour at the pool but have to constantly hold/chase one so they stay in the same area! I’ve walked to the shops to get them food to cook for dinner even though we’re half board as I don’t know how I’d manage in the buffet area. I’m fuming as I feel this is ruining the holiday for them as I’m much more limited.
I lost my shit and told him he needs to at least help me with the kids as he’s just been sitting in the hotel room on his phone or just fucking off out, god knows where. He says he was just sitting in the reception last night (for 2 and a half hours). So he has done a bit more today- came to the pool for a couple of hours and come down for food. But that’s it really. Spent a lot of time in the room this afternoon as luckily we have a jacuzzi so that’s kept the kids busy while again he just sat in the bedroom. He will speak to the kids if they approach him but I get zero from him unless I ask him a question and he’ll respond with one/two word answers.
Thank god we’re going home tomorrow as I can’t cope with this! I’m seriously thinking of just fucking him off as soon as we’re back (if we’re not done already) as I just don’t think this is normal behaviour. Or am I overreacting as I know fights on holiday can seem worse?

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 13/08/2025 08:42

Lmnop22 · 12/08/2025 08:49

I don’t get why people don’t think that OP’s DP should help parent the kids?? If all had worked out, he would be their step dad and he chose to date a woman with two young kids - that gives him a responsibility to those children even if not as a parent, at least as a friend/step parent/helper!!

I am a single mother of two young kids and if I were to date someone who knew about my kids, I would certainly expect effort on their part to bond, help and foster a relationship with my children once they’d met!

This. He knew who he was dating. He chose a ‘family’ holiday with young needy kids.
And when he realised he couldn’t hack it, he sulked. Have to argue with the trolls on this one, no real fault on OPs side.

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2025 09:25

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 21:55

But I have basically been by myself with them for 2 days.

But they're your children. It sounds like a new relationship. If you have a two year old who isn't his. You can't have met more than a year ago.

What would you do if you weren't with your partner? You'd have to manage your children alone 24/7.

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

They’ve been together for 15 months.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 13/08/2025 09:31

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2025 09:25

They’ve been together for 15 months.

Show quote history

I know that. In the grand scheme of things 15 months is 5 minutes in relationship terms.

What's your point.

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2025 14:49

You said you ‘you can’t have met more than a year ago’ I replied ‘they’ve been together 15 months…I was actually telling you it was even more than that, even although the child was only 2! I was in agreement with you.

That was my point

OneNeatBlueOrca · 13/08/2025 15:12

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2025 14:49

You said you ‘you can’t have met more than a year ago’ I replied ‘they’ve been together 15 months…I was actually telling you it was even more than that, even although the child was only 2! I was in agreement with you.

That was my point

Who cares?

She started seeing this guy when her second child was a few months old in thst case and she wonders why he isnt up for this.

15 months is barely over a year so I was out in my predictions by approximately 4 months.

Im not sure why you're splitting hairs over this.

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2025 16:09

I’m not…I’m simply replying to you. You have COMPLETELY misread my response! You said a year, I replied it’s been even MORE than that!! I was even more surprised than you. I’ll leave it there.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 16:52

Every time someone posts on mumsnet, people always feel the need to judge parts of the post people are not looking for comments on. Why do people feel the need to do this? I wasn’t asking for peoples opinion on whether I’ve been with him for long enough to go on holiday together or why I felt the need to start a relationship when my children were so young. His behaviour shouldn’t be judged on that. But again to fulfil people’s needs to judge me some more- I started seeing this man in March 2024 when my youngest was 13 months old. He is now 2 years and 6 months. And my oldest is nearly 4. So yes I was only single for a year before I started dating this man. Terrible parenting isn’t it.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 13/08/2025 16:57

If he's not their Dad he's under no obligation to parent them, especially as they're so young. You just need to sort out if you want to be with him. 🤷‍♀️

Bittenonce · 13/08/2025 17:19

@OhWhatIsLife I’d be tempted to give up on this one - there’s a lot of judgy on here that doesn’t help anyone. But I hope you got enough sense from others that did help you.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 17:28

Bittenonce · 13/08/2025 17:19

@OhWhatIsLife I’d be tempted to give up on this one - there’s a lot of judgy on here that doesn’t help anyone. But I hope you got enough sense from others that did help you.

You’re right. I should stop commenting now as some peoples opinions are not going to change. It’s a losing battle, a bit like with him! Makes sense why there are so many dysfunctional relationships the way people think. The only thing I have done wrong is badly judged this man. I clearly did with my ex also so that is maybe an issue for me. But shows that there are people who would be much better suited to him than I am who think the same way he does. But the majority of comments helped so thanks again to those

OP posts:
Andbegin · 13/08/2025 17:42

OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 16:52

Every time someone posts on mumsnet, people always feel the need to judge parts of the post people are not looking for comments on. Why do people feel the need to do this? I wasn’t asking for peoples opinion on whether I’ve been with him for long enough to go on holiday together or why I felt the need to start a relationship when my children were so young. His behaviour shouldn’t be judged on that. But again to fulfil people’s needs to judge me some more- I started seeing this man in March 2024 when my youngest was 13 months old. He is now 2 years and 6 months. And my oldest is nearly 4. So yes I was only single for a year before I started dating this man. Terrible parenting isn’t it.

I haven’t written anything negative about you.

However I do think the people commenting about the length of time you were single have a point. I think those of us further forward in similar situations see it with the benefit of hindsight. I did the same.

Early childhood is a weird time vortex both impossibly slow but over quickly. It’s also prime motherhood time. I actually quite regret having a man muscle in on it even though we are still together ( 20 years later)

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 17:50

Andbegin · 13/08/2025 17:42

I haven’t written anything negative about you.

However I do think the people commenting about the length of time you were single have a point. I think those of us further forward in similar situations see it with the benefit of hindsight. I did the same.

Early childhood is a weird time vortex both impossibly slow but over quickly. It’s also prime motherhood time. I actually quite regret having a man muscle in on it even though we are still together ( 20 years later)

Show quote history

Missing my point again. Regardless of whether they’re right, that is not what I’ve asked for opinions on is it. Otherwise I would have asked for comments on whether I’ve started a relationship too soon. I fully expect that 100% of replies would be yes so why do I need to hear it when I haven’t asked that.

If I’d met someone in another 5 years, went on holiday and experienced this, my opinion of them would still be the same. As I don’t accept passive aggressive/silent treatment from anyone over petty stuff. And I’m sure nobody would be commenting on why I’m with him, why I’ve gone on holiday and what involvement the dad has. As that’s completely not relevant to my question!

OP posts:
ThatBlackCat · 13/08/2025 19:00

Ignoring all the victim-blaming bullshit from the posters on here who simply cannot believe women and must gaslight and DARVO them that a man cannot have mistreated them and the woman 'deserved it' somehow,
has he contacted you at all since then, OP?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/08/2025 19:10

Thank goodness you are not married to your partner, it means you don't need a divorce.

Indeed do you live with this partner or is he just a boyfriend ?
as if he is only a boyfriend at least you don't need to leave his home or throw him out of your home !

It's clearly over.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 19:31

Nope haven’t heard a word from him since we got back so it is very much over. Although I believe if I got in touch with him he would speak to me again as he does have form for the silent treatment. I’ve spoken to him previously about it and told him I don’t accept that as a way to deal with things and he always said that’s how he is. And it’s hard to resolve stuff via text/over phone and due to not living together, distance and each having kids etc we can’t see each other whenever. So he would prefer to wait until he can see me face to face and chooses not to interact until then. I sort of get it but have told him that’s not acceptable if we were ever in the same house etc because of the atmosphere it causes, not fair on the kids etc. And quite frankly stonewalling is a form of abuse. So in hindsight red flags were there. I guess I just hoped that calling him out on it would change things

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 13/08/2025 19:31

.

OP posts:
Mumlaplomb · 13/08/2025 22:16

I think you are right OP and well
shot of him to be honest, but I’m sorry you’ve had such a grotty holiday experience with him to see his true colours. I’m

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