Page 3 | Arguments on holiday- is this normal or a deal breaker?

OhWhatIsLife · 2025-08-09T19:23:16+00:00

I’m currently on holiday with my DP and my 2 DS. For the past 2 days my DP has barely spoken to me over a very petty argument that I’d forgotten about tbh but apparently I’ve been annoying him all week. So he’s in a mood and just being a right miserable sod. I wouldn’t mind if I could just go off and do stuff with my kids on my own but they’re really hard work by myself and I would never have come on this type of holiday on my own. Children are 2 and 3, 3 year old is autistic so needs constant supervision. They run off in different directions etc so I just don’t feel safe trying to manage it for long. I did yday for an hour at the pool but have to constantly hold/chase one so they stay in the same area! I’ve walked to the shops to get them food to cook for dinner even though we’re half board as I don’t know how I’d manage in the buffet area. I’m fuming as I feel this is ruining the holiday for them as I’m much more limited. I lost my shit and told him he needs to at least help me with the kids as he’s just been sitting in the hotel room on his phone or just fucking off out, god knows where. He says he was just sitting in the reception last night (for 2 and a half hours). So he has done a bit more today- came to the pool for a couple of hours and come down for food. But that’s it really. Spent a lot of time in the room this afternoon as luckily we have a jacuzzi so that’s kept the kids busy while again he just sat in the bedroom. He will speak to the kids if they approach him but I get zero from him unless I ask him a question and he’ll respond with one/two word answers. Thank god we’re going home tomorrow as I can’t cope with this! I’m seriously thinking of just fucking him off as soon as we’re back (if we’re not done already) as I just don’t think this is normal behaviour. Or am I overreacting as I know fights on holiday can seem worse?

Diarygirlqueen · 09/08/2025 22:17

Ceartaa · 09/08/2025 22:16

What was the argument about? I think this matters here.

Read the thread, she did explain.

Dumbledore167 · 09/08/2025 22:20

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:12

I feel that some people obviously expect very little from their partners. I’ve already said I don’t expect him to parent my kids. I do it alone 24/7 at home as I don’t live with him. But there I am more prepared. I plan days out. If it’s not manageable I don’t go end of. I have things in place to make it safe for my children. I don’t have that here as I wasn’t expecting to do it alone. He knew that. He is very aware of my limitations at home so to leave me to abroad I think is unacceptable when I have clearly said I would never take them on holiday alone. He should never have asked to go away if he didn’t want to ‘step up’. And by step up it means waiting at the table with them whilst I get food, waiting in the pool with one if one runs off elsewhere. And yes helping me open the doors when I’m pushing the pushchair. I have patented alone for 2 and a half years, I don’t ask for help even from him unless I need it. So no I have not brought him on holiday and expected him to parent.
To the people who don’t agree then he is maybe a very good match for you then if you think his behaviour is acceptable.
I’m not sure why the focus needs to be on how long we’ve been together. If I’d said 10 years then would people change their opinion of him?! Then he would definitely be out of order for not helping me with a door? Strangers have helped me with doors. I feel that is just common courtesy.

You’re 100% right to feel pissed off. He’s acting like a baby, and you already have 2 of those to deal with. Looking back every holiday we had with the kids before the age they were both over 5 was just mega stressful and we didn’t enjoy them, it can be really tough, tougher than at home, as you say.
Where is your head at now? You mention waiting around for him to finish with you… Dont you feel like taking back the power and ending it with him?

FourIsNewSix · 09/08/2025 22:20

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:10

Where's the bio father in all of this.

Does he give her breaks from them by looking after his children.

Is he paying for them.

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Obviously, a bio father isn't at the holiday with the OP, it would be weird if he was.
From the updates we know the OP manages fine at home (with of without bio fathers help), but is unhappy in the environment which isn't good for soloparenting and which she booked together with her partner as a kind of family holiday.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:21

I don't think he's the right man for you. You said his kids are older and he clearly doesn't want to go back to parenting younger children again. He clearly can't be arsed.

It's very disappointing. Next time, I just go with your mum and dad. They'd be so much better to the children and to you

babasaclover · 09/08/2025 22:22

mumofbun · 09/08/2025 20:29

Everything is amplified while on holiday but this sounds pretty awful! He's punishing you and the children.

Why is it worse on holiday though? I experienced this last week in an england holiday myself but now we’re home it’s back to normal which is not great but nowhere near as bad as it was away. Can’t put my finger on why it’s worse when away but defo true

Original poster

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:24

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:15

It is harsh, I agree but @OhWhatIsLife's expectation was that he'd step up to "parent".

But we're talking about a romantic relationship here which is completely different from your situation of a pal helping out their friend under difficult circumstances?

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Completely disagree. I have friends who have partners (not biological dads) and we we go out they absolutely help out with the kids. They don’t expect me to do it as their ‘pal’, of course I would help as well but if you’re in a relationship with someone who has kids and you’ve met those kids then you should help when you’re around them. Why would you not?!
Again helping and parenting are very different. I don’t ask him to wash them, clean them, pay anything for them. Just a bit of supervision support when we’re out. But ok based on some people’s opinions I need to give my head a wobble as I’m being unreasonable. So I’m going to do that. I think I will come up with the same conclusion though but not have even more despair that there are plenty more people out there like him. So I will stop commenting now.
Maybe he is right though, as the theme of my bad decision making continues! (What the argument was about to those who missed it). I will go and ponder that

OP posts:

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:25

babasaclover · 09/08/2025 22:22

Why is it worse on holiday though? I experienced this last week in an england holiday myself but now we’re home it’s back to normal which is not great but nowhere near as bad as it was away. Can’t put my finger on why it’s worse when away but defo true

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Because everybody's out of routine. You're in an unfamiliar place. You don't know how everything works. It takes a few days to settle in to a new place.And then, as soon as you settled in, it's time to go.

There are expectations with holidays that you ll have a good time that you'll plan things. It's not just like being at home. Where a saturday night can be a pizza and a movie on the sofa. Then if the expectations aren't met there is disappointment.

I find everything comes to the surface on holiday and you re much more likely to argue.

I d imagined the little three year old with autism would be a bit out of sorts with a change in routine too which is why he's been possibly more difficult.

Original poster

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:28

But thank you for all the kind comments also. That has helped that I’m not the only one who wouldn’t be happy with this.
And I can’t remember who asked this, but yes I will be ending things when we’re back even if he doesn’t. Unless he has some epiphany and apologises for how he’s been. Although ultimately if it is about the kids then he’s not for me.

OP posts:

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:32

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:24

Completely disagree. I have friends who have partners (not biological dads) and we we go out they absolutely help out with the kids. They don’t expect me to do it as their ‘pal’, of course I would help as well but if you’re in a relationship with someone who has kids and you’ve met those kids then you should help when you’re around them. Why would you not?!
Again helping and parenting are very different. I don’t ask him to wash them, clean them, pay anything for them. Just a bit of supervision support when we’re out. But ok based on some people’s opinions I need to give my head a wobble as I’m being unreasonable. So I’m going to do that. I think I will come up with the same conclusion though but not have even more despair that there are plenty more people out there like him. So I will stop commenting now.
Maybe he is right though, as the theme of my bad decision making continues! (What the argument was about to those who missed it). I will go and ponder that

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"then you should help"

He couldn't/didn't want to, do that though @OhWhatIsLife

Have you come to the conclusion that he's not for you?

Don't think either of you would be wrong given your holiday experience.

Dixinormous · 09/08/2025 22:35

He is certainly no Prince Charming and he has let you down with his petty behaviour. But 15 months ago you started a new relationship with two children under two- not the best time to make a decision on a new partner.

He has shown you he isn’t good enough for you or your children.

Shoemadlady · 09/08/2025 22:36

oh my god they’re not his kids and looking at their age this is a fairly new relationship. I’d absolutely get rid of him! Get home and tell him to eff right off! He selfish, passive aggressive and childish. What a catch!

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 22:40

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:55

but that is not really the same is it @Sharingaroomtinightthen your nieces and nephews are family.

This person has only been with @OhWhatIsLife for 15 months and is expected to "parent" her children because @OhWhatIsLife finds it difficult!

Of course, it would be wonderful if he would have stepped up and helped but he doesn't want to do that and @OhWhatIsLife should not just expect that, they are not his kids and there's is a relatively new relationship.

@OhWhatIsLife you are better off looking elsewhere, this guy cannot/is unprepared to give you the support you need with your children.

Edited

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My friends’ children are not family.

OP told him she wouldn’t have taken the kids away on her own.

What kind of person goes on holiday with someone and their kids, ignores the kids and doesn’t help their partner/friend?

Comtesse · 09/08/2025 22:40

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Edited

I would expect any decent human over the age of about 14 to hold open the door to allow a double buggy to go through. He can’t even do that - what a tool.

Motherofdragons24 · 09/08/2025 22:51

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Edited

I don’t really understand this comment at all. If I agreed to go on holiday with a friend and her two very young children and stay in the hotel room with them despite them not being my kids and not being in a romantic PARTNERSHIP I still wouldn’t watch her struggle to get through a door with a buggy and not help because I’m not a dick. No he’s not their dad and isn’t responsible for them in the same way that OP is but he knew he was going on holiday as a family unit surely he knew he would have to help out a bit! If he doesn’t want to be a step dad that’s completely fine and valid but he’s being a dick about it sucking and using the silent treatment at the worst possible time.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:53

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 22:40

My friends’ children are not family.

OP told him she wouldn’t have taken the kids away on her own.

What kind of person goes on holiday with someone and their kids, ignores the kids and doesn’t help their partner/friend?

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As a woman, I totally agree with you @Sharingaroomtinightthen

He, however, is from Mars, not all men are equal?

bluecrochetedplane · 09/08/2025 22:56

You're already planning to accept this behaviour so long as he apologises, which he will.
Tbh this has red flags all over it and he's shown you what he's like.
Silent treatment is abuse, it only gets worse and never better. I'd have to leave him regardless of if he apologises, he tricked you into going away when you told him you aren't in a position to go alone with the children due to the difficulties it would cause. He knew this, said it would be great coz he will help and is watching you struggle.
He's a waste of space, get rid.
You and your children don't deserve this.

Wayk · 09/08/2025 23:02

i would hold a door open for a stranger. He knew prior to coming away what was involved. Two kids under 3 need supervision. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 23:06

Motherofdragons24 · 09/08/2025 22:51

I don’t really understand this comment at all. If I agreed to go on holiday with a friend and her two very young children and stay in the hotel room with them despite them not being my kids and not being in a romantic PARTNERSHIP I still wouldn’t watch her struggle to get through a door with a buggy and not help because I’m not a dick. No he’s not their dad and isn’t responsible for them in the same way that OP is but he knew he was going on holiday as a family unit surely he knew he would have to help out a bit! If he doesn’t want to be a step dad that’s completely fine and valid but he’s being a dick about it sucking and using the silent treatment at the worst possible time.

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but he's a man! they're not the same.

@OhWhatIsLife "expected" him to be supportive/helpful, he wasn't, is that really such a shock?

@OhWhatIsLife you've been given a view into what your life would look like with him.

It doesn't seem to be what you've envisioned. The decision is totally yours.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 23:09

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:24

Completely disagree. I have friends who have partners (not biological dads) and we we go out they absolutely help out with the kids. They don’t expect me to do it as their ‘pal’, of course I would help as well but if you’re in a relationship with someone who has kids and you’ve met those kids then you should help when you’re around them. Why would you not?!
Again helping and parenting are very different. I don’t ask him to wash them, clean them, pay anything for them. Just a bit of supervision support when we’re out. But ok based on some people’s opinions I need to give my head a wobble as I’m being unreasonable. So I’m going to do that. I think I will come up with the same conclusion though but not have even more despair that there are plenty more people out there like him. So I will stop commenting now.
Maybe he is right though, as the theme of my bad decision making continues! (What the argument was about to those who missed it). I will go and ponder that

Show quote history

"I would help as well but if you’re in a relationship with someone who has kids and you’ve met those kids then you should help when you’re around them. Why would you not?!"

And that, is exactly why, your choice is clear @OhWhatIsLife

youalright · 09/08/2025 23:12

He's doing it on purpose so he doesn't have to look after the kids and can relax and do what he wants he will start being nice to you as soon as you get home and act like nothing happened

mumofbun · 09/08/2025 23:13

babasaclover · 09/08/2025 22:22

Why is it worse on holiday though? I experienced this last week in an england holiday myself but now we’re home it’s back to normal which is not great but nowhere near as bad as it was away. Can’t put my finger on why it’s worse when away but defo true

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I think it's just because you're out of your natural environment - I know when I'm at home things are easier because we have access to all the usual snacks, TV shows, toys/games etc. as soon as you're away it's all the extra things you have to think about adds to the stress. Usually getting home does help.

That being said it does sound like this guy is being unnecessarily cruel. I helped a random woman with the buckle of her grandsons pram today, I couldn't imagine watching my partner struggling out a door and not help even if I was in the huff.

youalright · 09/08/2025 23:19

babasaclover · 09/08/2025 22:22

Why is it worse on holiday though? I experienced this last week in an england holiday myself but now we’re home it’s back to normal which is not great but nowhere near as bad as it was away. Can’t put my finger on why it’s worse when away but defo true

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Because your not together 24/7 at home plus the added stress of trying to make everything perfect. Plus kids are usually worse behaved on holiday because their tired and out of routine which adds an extra layer of stress.plus you have to be on high alert with kids on holiday as its not a childproof environment like at home (strangers,water,heat etc) again more stress. Honestly thinking about it why do any of us go on holiday

Motherofdragons24 · 09/08/2025 23:20

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 23:06

but he's a man! they're not the same.

@OhWhatIsLife "expected" him to be supportive/helpful, he wasn't, is that really such a shock?

@OhWhatIsLife you've been given a view into what your life would look like with him.

It doesn't seem to be what you've envisioned. The decision is totally yours.

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I don’t think I know any men, partner, friend even strangers who would watch a women struggle to get through a door with a double buggy and refuse to help. Maybe you need raise your expectations.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 23:29

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:53

As a woman, I totally agree with you @Sharingaroomtinightthen

He, however, is from Mars, not all men are equal?

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Nah sorry, he hasn’t kicked off about something minor and sat in a huff refusing to speak to kids because he’s a man.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 23:31

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 23:29

Nah sorry, he hasn’t kicked off about something minor and sat in a huff refusing to speak to kids because he’s a man.

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it's because he is/has a dick?