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Original poster

Arguments on holiday- is this normal or a deal breaker?

142 replies

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 20:23

I’m currently on holiday with my DP and my 2 DS. For the past 2 days my DP has barely spoken to me over a very petty argument that I’d forgotten about tbh but apparently I’ve been annoying him all week. So he’s in a mood and just being a right miserable sod. I wouldn’t mind if I could just go off and do stuff with my kids on my own but they’re really hard work by myself and I would never have come on this type of holiday on my own. Children are 2 and 3, 3 year old is autistic so needs constant supervision. They run off in different directions etc so I just don’t feel safe trying to manage it for long. I did yday for an hour at the pool but have to constantly hold/chase one so they stay in the same area! I’ve walked to the shops to get them food to cook for dinner even though we’re half board as I don’t know how I’d manage in the buffet area. I’m fuming as I feel this is ruining the holiday for them as I’m much more limited.
I lost my shit and told him he needs to at least help me with the kids as he’s just been sitting in the hotel room on his phone or just fucking off out, god knows where. He says he was just sitting in the reception last night (for 2 and a half hours). So he has done a bit more today- came to the pool for a couple of hours and come down for food. But that’s it really. Spent a lot of time in the room this afternoon as luckily we have a jacuzzi so that’s kept the kids busy while again he just sat in the bedroom. He will speak to the kids if they approach him but I get zero from him unless I ask him a question and he’ll respond with one/two word answers.
Thank god we’re going home tomorrow as I can’t cope with this! I’m seriously thinking of just fucking him off as soon as we’re back (if we’re not done already) as I just don’t think this is normal behaviour. Or am I overreacting as I know fights on holiday can seem worse?

OP posts:
beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 21:45

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Edited

What do you mean, why should he?

Because he’s chosen to get into a relationship with and holiday with a woman with two kids.

When I go away with nieces, nephews or friends’ kids I don’t just sit and ignore the kids and refuse to help the parents.

Dumbledore167 · 09/08/2025 21:46

I think you know it’s a dealbreaker OP, he sounds awful and extremely immature. I find “going in a massive huff” to be such an ick, personally. Unless theres another side to the story where you’re in the wrong, bin him.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:50

Then don’t ask to go on holiday then! And 4 days ago he was talking about booking one for next year so it’s a fairly recent checking out if that’s what is happening.
I voiced quite clearly that I would never go on my own whilst they’re this young. And mentioned that I was going away with my parents as they know I can’t take them myself. If I knew that about someone I wouldn’t offer to go away with them and not expect to help out with the kids. He made the choice. As I said I haven’t forced him to be here or be with me. I don’t care at this point if he leaves, just pissed off I’m in this situation. But fine maybe in hindsight I shouldn’t have gone away with him but didn’t expect this from him. Not with the kids anyway.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 09/08/2025 21:52

The Joys of getting together with someone that isn’t the father of your children, at points they’ll leave you to it, and you won’t think it’s fair, and every day they’ll be thinking the same.

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 09/08/2025 21:54

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Edited

Is this for real??

Presumably the partner knew that the children were on the holiday and agreed to come. Anyone who agrees to come on a holiday as a second adult, accompanying someone with two small children, would expect to help out with the children. Doesn't matter if its a romantic partner, a parent, a friend, whatever. And as OP said, she wouldn't have come on the holiday with the children by herself, there is a clear expectation that her partner would help, or at least be in their presence on the beach or whatever.

I can believe that a man can agree to a holiday with a gf and her children without realising what he's getting himself into. And maybe yes, he might decide on the course of the holiday that he's not ready for all this. But he still ought to be offering practical support throughout the holiday, because that is absolutely what he signed up for when he agreed to come on the holiday with the children. Surely he did not imagine that the purpose of the holiday was for him to spend all his time alone in one place, while his gf and her children spend all their time in another.

At any rate, OP has said that he is also sulking and ignoring her even when the children are asleep. That is just malicious

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 21:55

But I have basically been by myself with them for 2 days.

But they're your children. It sounds like a new relationship. If you have a two year old who isn't his. You can't have met more than a year ago.

What would you do if you weren't with your partner? You'd have to manage your children alone 24/7.

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:55

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 21:45

What do you mean, why should he?

Because he’s chosen to get into a relationship with and holiday with a woman with two kids.

When I go away with nieces, nephews or friends’ kids I don’t just sit and ignore the kids and refuse to help the parents.

Show quote history

but that is not really the same is it @Sharingaroomtinightthen your nieces and nephews are family.

This person has only been with @OhWhatIsLife for 15 months and is expected to "parent" her children because @OhWhatIsLife finds it difficult!

Of course, it would be wonderful if he would have stepped up and helped but he doesn't want to do that and @OhWhatIsLife should not just expect that, they are not his kids and there's is a relatively new relationship.

@OhWhatIsLife you are better off looking elsewhere, this guy cannot/is unprepared to give you the support you need with your children.

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:56

And the argument was something ridiculous about my bad decision making. Basically we went for lunch, we’d been walking for ages and I felt a bit sick so I suggested we just pick anywhere so I could get a drink. He asked me to pick somewhere to sit so I did. He said ‘are you sure’ and I laughed and said ‘you’re terrible’ (as he always questions my answers) admittedly I did quickly change my mind and changed tables as it was too hot where I’d picked. Then he just blew up at me about blaming him for my decisions or something. Said I’d been doing it all week (something about me asking him to close the door and then I opened it again after. That’s the only other time he could think of). I honestly wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. So if that’s me in the wrong then ok. I still don’t think it warrants this behaviour though

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 09/08/2025 21:56

You must be feeling so vulnerable in a foreign country with 2 young children and little help.
I hope you get home safely and with little fuss tomorrow.

Squishymallows · 09/08/2025 21:58

Absolutely get rid. He sounds rotten inside, you won’t be able to fix him.

Mumlaplomb · 09/08/2025 21:58

Not sure why people are giving you a hard time OP. It’s a long term relationship, he wanted to come with you so should bloody well be helping with the kids! If I went with a friend and their kids I wouldn’t leave them struggling and not help. Honestly bin him off.

Squishymallows · 09/08/2025 21:58

OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 21:56

And the argument was something ridiculous about my bad decision making. Basically we went for lunch, we’d been walking for ages and I felt a bit sick so I suggested we just pick anywhere so I could get a drink. He asked me to pick somewhere to sit so I did. He said ‘are you sure’ and I laughed and said ‘you’re terrible’ (as he always questions my answers) admittedly I did quickly change my mind and changed tables as it was too hot where I’d picked. Then he just blew up at me about blaming him for my decisions or something. Said I’d been doing it all week (something about me asking him to close the door and then I opened it again after. That’s the only other time he could think of). I honestly wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. So if that’s me in the wrong then ok. I still don’t think it warrants this behaviour though

This sounds incredibly minor

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:00

Mumlaplomb · 09/08/2025 21:58

Not sure why people are giving you a hard time OP. It’s a long term relationship, he wanted to come with you so should bloody well be helping with the kids! If I went with a friend and their kids I wouldn’t leave them struggling and not help. Honestly bin him off.

seriously?@Mumlaplomb

15 months is not a long term relationship.

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 09/08/2025 22:01

OP, your partner's behaviour is not normal or acceptable.

Is this an isolated incident? I would bet not.
Does he have form for similar behaviour at home, but normally you have more ability to cope with it because you are in familiar surroundings?
Does this kind of thing happen when he doesn't get his own way about something or other?
Do you expend effort working out what is wrong with him/trying to cheer him up or win him around?

If the answer is yes, then you need to end this relationship, because it will almost certainly get worse not better.

And ignore all the posters who are focussing on the fact that they're not his children. That's not relevant at all, unless he was somehow unaware that the children were coming on the holiday?!

MummaMummaMumma · 09/08/2025 22:05

There is no excuse to treat you that way when you need help and he knrw that before you booked.
I wouldn't be with him any longer. Ask for help from anyone nearby pushing suitcases etc.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:06

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:00

seriously?@Mumlaplomb

15 months is not a long term relationship.

Show quote history

15 months is barely 5 minutes.

FourIsNewSix · 09/08/2025 22:08

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 21:55

But I have basically been by myself with them for 2 days.

But they're your children. It sounds like a new relationship. If you have a two year old who isn't his. You can't have met more than a year ago.

What would you do if you weren't with your partner? You'd have to manage your children alone 24/7.

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

The OP wouldn't go abroad alone with her children now and had a plan to holiday with her parents for help, but he suggested going together.
A year and 1/4 isn't that new that he didn't have time to realise the OP has two small children.

JLou08 · 09/08/2025 22:10

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:41

@OhWhatIsLife

do you actually expect that a man who has no biological connection to your children should step up because you are finding it difficult and need a break?

No, it is not him, he has shown you that it is not what he's willing to do, you said yourself "they’re really hard work by myself" tbh, why should he?

Move on! I don't think it's a man you need.

Edited

I think that's a bit harsh. You don't need a biological connection to help a parent who is struggling. If I was on holiday with a friend and their children I wouldn't sit and watch my friend struggle.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:10

FourIsNewSix · 09/08/2025 22:08

The OP wouldn't go abroad alone with her children now and had a plan to holiday with her parents for help, but he suggested going together.
A year and 1/4 isn't that new that he didn't have time to realise the OP has two small children.

Show quote history

Where's the bio father in all of this.

Does he give her breaks from them by looking after his children.

Is he paying for them.

cestlavielife · 09/08/2025 22:11

Now you know. He is not suited to be in your life or your dc life
When you back dump him

Original poster
OhWhatIsLife · 09/08/2025 22:12

I feel that some people obviously expect very little from their partners. I’ve already said I don’t expect him to parent my kids. I do it alone 24/7 at home as I don’t live with him. But there I am more prepared. I plan days out. If it’s not manageable I don’t go end of. I have things in place to make it safe for my children. I don’t have that here as I wasn’t expecting to do it alone. He knew that. He is very aware of my limitations at home so to leave me to abroad I think is unacceptable when I have clearly said I would never take them on holiday alone. He should never have asked to go away if he didn’t want to ‘step up’. And by step up it means waiting at the table with them whilst I get food, waiting in the pool with one if one runs off elsewhere. And yes helping me open the doors when I’m pushing the pushchair. I have patented alone for 2 and a half years, I don’t ask for help even from him unless I need it. So no I have not brought him on holiday and expected him to parent.
To the people who don’t agree then he is maybe a very good match for you then if you think his behaviour is acceptable.
I’m not sure why the focus needs to be on how long we’ve been together. If I’d said 10 years then would people change their opinion of him?! Then he would definitely be out of order for not helping me with a door? Strangers have helped me with doors. I feel that is just common courtesy.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 09/08/2025 22:14

mumofbun · 09/08/2025 20:29

Everything is amplified while on holiday but this sounds pretty awful! He's punishing you and the children.

And he's enjoying himself while he's at it. He's having a lovely rest isn't he?

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:15

JLou08 · 09/08/2025 22:10

I think that's a bit harsh. You don't need a biological connection to help a parent who is struggling. If I was on holiday with a friend and their children I wouldn't sit and watch my friend struggle.

Show quote history

It is harsh, I agree but @OhWhatIsLife's expectation was that he'd step up to "parent".

But we're talking about a romantic relationship here which is completely different from your situation of a pal helping out their friend under difficult circumstances?

Ceartaa · 09/08/2025 22:16

What was the argument about? I think this matters here.

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