Handhold please - feeling sick

[handholdplease9]

New username but long-term poster. I feel so sick and Ill probably ramble and not make sense but here it goes.
I just got married 3 weeks ago to who I thought was the man of my dreams but I just found out that he is on a BDSM website posting photos of him chained up and the most graphic photos of himself. He has been having conversations with guys/girls about what they'd do to each other sexually and how he is into pain.
This is coming from the guy who has a hard time getting an erection (now thinking it must be me), only wanting sex a couple of times a week and even then it's missionary. I don't think he's met these people, but really how much do I know?
I have a 12 y/o DD who absolutely adores the ground he walks on, she hasn't known him all her life as he was a close family friend.
What do I do? I know what I'd be advising if this was the other way around but honestly he's the absolute love of my life and I'm completely broken.
Please be kind, iv been throwing up most of the afternoon.

Thank you

I'm sorry that you have had a shock. You sound very 'vanilla' which is presumably why he has kept this from you though I don't understand why he thinks that's going to work long term.
If you're not open to exploring this sexually then I can't see it working out unless you had a 'Billions' type arrangement like Paul Giamatti's character.

' I have a very strong chance of 'voiding' the marriage. She is drawing up the paperwork to petition the court.'

Good for you. he lied and he tricked you into marriage by making you believe he is someone who he is not !

I would tell him that if he lies any more, then you will let his aunty and the rest of his family and friends know who he really is.

Have you been given a time line for the potential legal process.

OP not wanting to see her husband chained and and mutilating himself doesn't make her vanilla.

Why dont you find something better to do than being a troll.

OP ignore the trolls winding you up.

I'm glad you have got him out of your home and I really hope you can void the marriage quickly and smoothly.

Not at all surprised he's lied. He's a liar. 🤷 He's lying to himself too.

If anyone talks about it to you directly I'd tell them the truth. But otherwise I'd just leave it be.

Make sure that the people that matter to you know the truth, and tell them they don't have to keep it secret if they hear his lies they can feel free to correct them.

OP's reply to your comment has been deleted, and I understand why moderators felt it was unacceptable, but frankly I completely understand why she wrote it.

'Vanilla' Seriously, fuck off to the trolls trying to make women put up w/ that kind of shit.

Totally agree - the OP typed what most decent people were thinking

I think that they've crawled in from Reddit. On there, I've seen "vanilla" and the term "kink-shaming" being used as a tactic to shame posters.

Oh do fuck off @anokato, there’s nothing wrong with ‘vanilla’ sex, and the sneering of those who think it’s edgy and cool to be into Shades of Grey kink are much more pathetic than @handholdplease9 not wanting to be involved with her husbands pain & humiliation fetish.

Ultimately the kink/fetish aspect is not the real issue here, it’s that he kept it from her and married her under false pretences, the deceit is the problem.