Handhold please - feeling sick

[handholdplease9]

New username but long-term poster. I feel so sick and Ill probably ramble and not make sense but here it goes.
I just got married 3 weeks ago to who I thought was the man of my dreams but I just found out that he is on a BDSM website posting photos of him chained up and the most graphic photos of himself. He has been having conversations with guys/girls about what they'd do to each other sexually and how he is into pain.
This is coming from the guy who has a hard time getting an erection (now thinking it must be me), only wanting sex a couple of times a week and even then it's missionary. I don't think he's met these people, but really how much do I know?
I have a 12 y/o DD who absolutely adores the ground he walks on, she hasn't known him all her life as he was a close family friend.
What do I do? I know what I'd be advising if this was the other way around but honestly he's the absolute love of my life and I'm completely broken.
Please be kind, iv been throwing up most of the afternoon.

Thank you

I'm neither lying or thick, you're posting on a public forum and the public will comment. That's all I've done. I have massive empathy for all concerned but I don't deserve verbal attacks just because I don't agree with you. You're happy for people to post the most dire hateful vitriol but a quieter voice you attack?

You’re going to get kicked off MN if you carry on like this. It’s trolling.

Wow lol. I have to laugh, I don't know what you're reading but it ain't my posts. I 'hacked' his phone - yes. I accessed his porn account on a BDSM website, looked at it, took photos of it and that was it. I didn't add any posts to it at all. That's not me.

Anyway for everyone that was so lovely yesterday and helped balanced my thoughts there's been an update. I spoke with my solicitor friend today - she's in civil family law. Due to fact I've got evidence of him stating he is bisexual, numerous sexual messages to back this up with information he is sharing that only he could know and clearly being obsessed with sexual masochism I have a very strong chance of 'voiding' the marriage. She is drawing up the paperwork to petition the court.
He moved out last night to his aunties house, I'm already being made out to be the bad guy. He is telling them I found out about his mental health problems in the past and are punishing him for it now. Typical.

I might be leaving, I have done nothing wrong. So, trolls can exist in any form on here, read and discuss private difficulties of a person with a mental health condition, be factually inaccurate and say what they like about anyone with no proof at all, be hateful mean, bawdy and foul mouthed but a quiet voice merely seeking the truth can be banned? Strange because I haven't been. But my, I may well unsubscribe. What a dreadful atmosphere...over honesty? This is not free speech.

Well you did do something wrong.
You stated I added posts to his page to get him out the house.
Never once was that said.

You've made stuff up about OP. That is doing something wrong. Who is being bawdy and foul mouthed? OP's DH has very niche sexual preferences that he hid from her before marrying her.

There are always constraints on free speech and Mumsnet has its own posting rules and guidelines. You haven't been banned. You've been challenged by other posters for lying about OP. All your sympathy is for her husband who lied to her and married her under false pretences.

Saying that the OP has posted things which she very clearly and visibly hasn’t is lying.

@handholdplease9
Such a positive result for you - you've dodged a lot of future misery there. Wishing you all the best for the future

@@handholdplease9 you might want to contact MNHQ to see if they can establish whether what’s-its-name is your DH.

They may well be able to establish that if you have an email address he’s likely used to sign up here. This would also possibly help your case in terms of your annulment.

Sounds hopeful, op. Hope you get it voided really quickly.

He is telling them I found out about his mental health problems in the past and are punishing him for it now. Typical.

I'd tell him that if he doesn't admit to the online affairs that you will show his aunt and relatives the pictures of him. That will shut him up.

He'd just whine that he was being blackmailed.

Yeah but the fact the photos exist in the first place is proof of his actions.

She could just tell them...and then show the photos if they demand proof. That way, he can't claim blackmail.

'He's been conducting depraved emotional affairs with men and women online. Perhaps physical too. Nothing to do with mental health. He's a cheat and a liar and I'm done'.

Don't protect him. He doesn't deserve it.

Due to fact I've got evidence of him stating he is bisexual, numerous sexual messages to back this up with information he is sharing that only he could know and clearly being obsessed with sexual masochism I have a very strong chance of 'voiding' the marriage. She is drawing up the paperwork to petition the court.

This is really good news OP. And him leaving and going to his Aunty's is good news too - you got him out of your house very quickly - which isn't always easy. As for the lies he's telling, well he's a liar isn't he? You know that now. Liars gonna lie.

If it came down to it, I’d invite Aunty and not so DH round for coffee to discuss.

Usher them into the living room to admire the A3 canvas I’d had printed up.

Whoopsie, who left that there?

Made me lol 😂
Seriously though , ignore what others may think or what he may tell them .
unless they directly engage you I’d just leave them to it, if they did however they’d be getting the truth .

He's wrong to do this but he's probably aware that all this stuff in his secret life could be exposed to all his family and ruin his life in his eyes. I guess getting the mental health story out there might help him save relationships with his aunt and similar. I'm not saying it's right but I doubt he is sharing this to attack you. Let him be and run.

What a piece of work...weak, cowardly liar. You really are better off without him. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone and anyone that really counts will stick by you. You were tricked and now you're being very brave and doing the right thing, for your daughter if nothing else. This has just been a blip. All the best xx

he's hooked on this extremist stuff so normal doesn't work for him anymore

I suspect it's much more likely that 'normal' has actually never really worked for him.

OP, I'm glad you'd had good advice from your friend.

I also suggest this. Tell him to pipe down or you’ll send the pictures to his family. Glad your solicitor is helping void the marriage. I hope you are able to move on and be free of him soon.

@handholdplease9 Please keep yourself and your DD safe. He sounds like a nutter.

I'd say I'm sad to see you go, but I am not a liar. Posting that the OP wrote things she did not, show you for who you are. When people do that, I believe them.

How are things @handholdplease9?