Husband getting close to girl at the gym

[Amy808]

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

Ffs, if she said yes, he would be in her knickers faster than a rat up a drainpipe all the other stuff he says is just white noise

Shut it down now

It's either you or her and that's that

It’s time for grey rock. Withdrawn from him. If he starts talking about her, you walk out of the room and say nothing further.

You now need to change your behavior towards him, no chats about her, no washing or other perks and no sex.

Ugh, honestly...why are you letting him disrespect you like this? Just hoping that he'll lose interest in her is not a great strategy. He shouldn't be behaving like this and if he was my dh then I would know this meant we had a very serious relationship problem. He's looking elsewhere for validation and clearly fancies her. This would be enough for me to end the relationship. Have some self-respect...he's making you his second choice right now.

He’s trying to be clever and tell you loads so you won’t suspect him of having an affair. But he sounds infatuated with her. You need to get tough, say you don’t want to hear about her again as he’s sounding like a stalker. How is your relationship in other aspects?

Asking if he fancies her was a mistake as he’s not going to say yes, is he?

I’d be pointing out that it’s creepy how he talks about her and to her given A) he already said she’s too young for him so it’s not as if they could ever be friends and B) he’s a married man chatting to (presumably) a teenager or young woman (note: NOT a “girl”) and it must look really desperate. And C) If he isn’t attracted to her, he is leading her on so he should step away. Tell him if he continues to chat with her after knowing all of that, you will assume he is having an affair with her because that’s the only reason he would continue.

Book a few sessions at the gym with a weights trainer. Don't tell him. When you see them there both together, introduce yourself then get cosy with your new trainer.

At least if you do end up divorcing you'll be in great shape and feel a bit better about yourself.

So why aren’t you saying something or doing anything? You’re just allowing him to keep making a mug of you

I don’t know how you haven’t snapped and shouted at him by now. No way would I accept this. You need to tell him to stop it, NOW. Don’t let him gas light you to tell you this is normal. You have a whole thread on here telling you it isn’t.

I agree with others thats you seem to be just letting him completely disrespect you. I would be absolutely raging at this entire situation and telling him im done by now. He's completely involved himself with this girl its like hes in some twisted love triangle with her and her bf and you are his mate he comes home to and chats about his love dramas too wtf!!! He's disgusting tbh!!!

He’s having an affair in plain sight.

So you’re hoping your husband loses interest now she’s engaged? That’s such a crazy way of looking at it!! Why would you want to be with someone that clearly has an interest in someone else and the only thing you’re happy about is that he might lose interest. Do you think that little about yourself?

If he accuses you of being jealous, correct him. Jealous? No. Sickened and humiliated by his public fawning over another woman? Yes. Embarrassed about him and all the people cringing? Absolutely

I assume it’s a dialogue not a monologue - so you need to assume he is discussing his favourite positions alongside the quality and quantity of your sex life.

How do you feel about that?

OP, stop letting him walk all over you. Tell him to stop contact or get out and go be with her. He is making you look like a fool. You don't talk about your sex life with your little sister 🙄 Stop playing naive and put your foot down. It is okay to have boundaries. This has affair written all over it with banners waving. He is disrespecting you in plain sight.

LOL

Turn up at the gym unannounced. His reaction will tell you all that you need to know!

He wants to sleep with her. I’m sorry but I would be done with him.

He’s being horribly disrespectful and while
aware you seem to not be taking this as seriously as I would.

He wants a romantic relationship with her. He’s made that clear to you.

This might not turn into more but eventually he will find someone to cheat with.

He is dying to get in her knickers and will at the first chance presented. I doubt she would though if I'm honest.

Get your ducks lined up, speak to a solicitor, then threaten him with divorce if he doesn't cut all contact and join a new gym. To be honest I couldn't actually forgive this as you'd always be looking over your shoulder, but wouldn't divorce him if he cut it out completely as you have kids.

Look, you know he wants to fuck her. It's obvious he wants to fuck her.

The only question is are you going to put up with it.

Why can't you lift weights? I am small boned and 5 foot 5 and I do it. The machine weights are very adjustable ie you can easily lower the weight that you're lifting. You don't have to do free weights which might be trickier. I usually do some work on the treadmill or bike or rowing machine and then lift weights. I suggest you find a hunky personal trainer to give you a program to follow or, alternatively, perhaps your husband could give you a hand - him being so helpful to stray women at the gym and all.

My husband doesn't have a wedding ring - just not traditional for us. He was hideously embarrassed at some sporting activity when a woman there seemed to be making a bit of a fuss of him. I felt sorry for her because she obviously thought he was single until one of our children ran up at some point and she realised he was actually there with a family. He was utterly relieved at the appearance of one of the children. I think your husband would not be utterly relieved if one of your children bowled up. He probably hasn't mentioned his children either. And the comment that she was too young is rather suspect - it should have been "but of course we're married".

He’s behaving like an embarrassing old idiot. You see it at the gym all the time. The chances of anything actually happening between the two of them is vanishingly remote. I guarantee she sees him for what he is and may enjoy the attention but that’s as far as it goes.

However, I agree that all his talk about her at home is annoying and disrespectful to you. I would be straight with him. You don’t want or hear about her.

If he was up to anything I doubt he’d even mention her

You may not have been born yesterday, but you are clearly lacking in assertiveness and confidence, which probably makes you seem a bit younger than you really are.

A lot of people would have asked him to leave weeks ago because of his creepy and disrespectful behaviour to both you and her. If you are really set on maintaining your relationship with this man, you're going to have to set some boundaries very quickly and stick to them. Good luck.

Is this thread rage bait?! Surely nobody is accepting this behaviour? I’m trying to be sympathetic but what planet are you on?

If this is real, this man is absolutely taking the mick. Not wearing his ring, flirting at the gym, and talking about sex positions with another woman?!?! He is disrespecting you right to your face. He’s telling you exactly who he is. LTB and don’t look back. This isn’t something you can work on. I’m so mind blown I’m convinced the OP has made this up for interactions, I good god I hope so rather than this actually being real and you allowing this behaviour to escalate without zero consequence 😧
LTB LTB LTB LTB

I’d have shut this shit down a LONG time ago and my husband would no longer be going to the gym if he wanted to stay married to me. It’s absurd he’s telling you all this about another woman. He’s got serious mentionitis and it’s fucking weird. Can you actually imagine befriending a strange man and constantly speaking about him to your husband? There’s no way. He needs a big wake up call ffs. Wake up OP! Stop trying to be a ‘cool wife’ and stop being a mug.