Husband getting close to girl at the gym

[Amy808]

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

I think, if she is on social media, I’d be tempted to follow and comment on her most recent message “hi, MrAmy808’s wife here. He’s mentioned your engagement and is so pleased for you. Just adding congrats & best wishes from me and his kids XX”

So … He went to the gym again yesterday ( obviously 🙄 ) after a massive argument we had beforehand. I basically said if he doesn’t stop all communication with her I’m going to speak to her fiancé and see how he feels about their ‘flirty, sexual chats’. He got in a massive strop and stormed out.
He got home and said her fiancé was there and she basically completely ignored him. He said she didn’t even initially greet him when she arrived, when she apparently always walks straight over to him to say hello. He said he could see her staring at him throughout in the mirrors but they rarely spoke . I expect her and the finance had a similar argument too. He said I’ve got my own way now and was sulking round the house like 1 of the kids all evening.

You marching into the gym to have it out with her and claim “your man” seems to be quite a popular suggestion. Or putting your glad rags on and turning up at the gym - bizarrely- with kids in tow to warn her off? Or messaging her asking her to leave him alone like she’s fucking Jolene.

I’m cringing.

Get him told. This “friendship” ends chum, or you’re out.

Exactly this.

“No, I’m feeling completely disrespected by you.”

“I don’t care if you think it’s jealousy, this friendship has become inappropriate and I am not happy with it.”

“Would you honestly be happy if I were talking about my dissatisfaction with our sex life with an attractive man?”

“I couldn’t care less whether she is engaged or not, but clearly you do.”

“Do you want a wife or a gym girlfriend because frankly you can’t have both.”

Clearly both partners think this friendship has crossed a line. Don’t let him treat you like a consolation prize once the dust has settled. Start putting yourself first, make sure he is doing his fair share with the kids so you get time to work on yourself and allow him to see what the reality might be like should you split.

This is bloody sad. All the men I've known at the gym mention their wives or girlfriends. Even the creepy ones.

Omg op this is ewful, so she's ignored him obviously her bf has wind too, but this woman openly discusses sex with your h, this still isn't right op you haven't gained anything here its just the fact she turned up with her bf, you need to stop the threats and do it, find bf on socials, tell him, am sure he'll have a lot to say, remember he thinks your h is single, stop asking h and do something about it, and guessing next time she'll be on her own again so it continues op,

You have had so much advice here op, please take control,

The fact he's now sulking omg op ,

How pathetic these men are. So desperate is he to talk about this woman, that he clearly fancies and has been enjoying somewhat of an emotional affair with, that he talks to you, his actual wife, trying to keep you on your toes I suppose, knock you down a peg or two while also bolstering his ego. Also how can he be so stupid as to say he knows literally everything about this woman down to the trivial like the make of her car and the inappropriate like the sexual stuff yet it’s simply ✨ never come up ✨ that he has a wife.
i actually don’t know if I could forgive this. You tried and tried to make him see it was going too far before it did and he didn’t act on that at all. IF this ends now, and that’s a big if as I expect they’ll just get sneakier, it isn’t out of respect for you, it’s because she has pulled back from him.

How can he be sulking with you when it was her behaving in front of her bf?

I don’t believe this happened - he’s just told you a pile of shite to get you off his back.

Fuck me, he's ridiculous. He's acting like a teenager coming home to tell mummy his crush is ignoring him. I'd absolutely have the permanent ick.

Reading your updates. He doesn’t respect you at all. He doesn’t care what you feel or what you think. He’s a preening narcissist obsessed with this younger woman at the gym. They’ve discussed their favourite sex positions (it surely wasn’t a one way conversation subject from her).

You don’t need to put up with such a loser do you? Can you afford to separate?

If she has a fitness page, DM her and ask if she does PT sessions? Don’t tell your husband until you’ve got it booked in and see how he reacts

This is crap - to not mention your wife over a period of months is deliberate, it’s the easiest and most natural thing to say wife and I are going to x this weekend, my wife works there etc etc. If you think of your colleagues, acquaintances, who doesn’t know you’re married? I would be sitting him down and noting your concerns about where this is heading and asking him to take action to ensure this doesn’t break up your marriage.

I can't believe you listen to his stories about their interactions - they're so disrespectful to you! You need to show him through actions that you mean business - the moment she clicks her fingers they'll sleep together and you're a fool if you think otherwise. And if he thinks this behaviour is accepted, it'll be someone else after her.

I'd say to him that if your roles were flipped you know he wouldn't be comfortable and he's prioritising a "friendship" over his wife. So he can move out for a bit and see if that helps clear his thought process.

Hopefully he’s telling the truth about her ignoring him etc and not just feeding you a line to put you off the scent.
Keep a close eye on him AND JOIN THAT GYM!!

I’d be telling him that he’s an utter embarrassment and he needs to go back to mummy’s place for a while.

Tell him to stop it . If he refuses then you don’t have much if a marriage anyway . If my husband was uncomfortable I was friends with a guy I would stop seeing him . If he cannot do that for you then you already lost him big time

Sorry, but at this stage I’d be ‘lining up my ducks’ to coin the infamous NM expression.

He’s been having an emotional affair. If it hasn’t been physical (and I doubt it hasn’t been) then it’s only because she was attached. He would have if he could have. That he was so blatant in talking about her (and went beyond the ‘if I mention her casually I’m not being deceitful, so not doing anything wrong’ excuse) and either utterly oblivious or deliberately cruel and baiting.

If she were ever to split up with BF, or if come back to the gym when BF were not there, DickheadH will be sniffing around her again… or he’s open to the next available hottie that joins the gym. He’s checked out of this relationship, OP, as shown by his lack of respect for you. He also cared nothing for the impact his behaviour would have on your kids if you didn’t put up with it.

I know it’s hard, considering the financial impact etc, but I’d be telling him it’s over and that he has to move out. You could still put marriage counselling on the table as a step before proceeding towards a divorce. It MAY have been an early midlife crisis, an aberration, that he might realised in couples therapy in which case you might be able to rebuild BUT IME men like this will only wake up to their folly and the damage their ego trip has done if they suffer consequences, such as being asked to move out/separate. It would give you space to decide what YOU want, too, OP.

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 18:56
Sorry, I’ve been trying to catch up. Yes we have children. I mentioned going to the gym with him before and he just said ‘ what’s the point, I’ll be in the weight section, you’ll be in the cardio section, we won’t even see eachother’.

and...........................???

Hi Amy, sorry but he doesn't want you there, which is why he mentioned you not seeing each other if you joined. I would say at the moment he is quite besotted with her, hence his talking about her a lot and even to you?? I would either book myself in to that gymn for a few weeks sessions or if you are really bothered by it and want to stop it going further (if it hasn't already), then if the gym isn't too far away and it's not an inconvenience to you and your routine, then I would be tempted to hang around but out of sight to see if any break in the weights sessions or whatever he is doing in the gymn, are taken together outside. I would also try to be there at closing time to see if they meet up then and anything - even a kiss - takes place. He must be stupid to say to you she is too young - firstly these days there are male celebrities and also men in the "normal" world in their 60s, 70s and even 80s going out with young girls/young women. There are not many women even in their 30s, 40s 50s going out with very young men as that is somehow frowned upon unless you are Madonna or Cher. I do not believe that his marital status did not come up. When you are in a relationship with someone and you are close or really in love or even just like them more than a lot, you bring them up in conversation without even thinking about it. For instance when she was cheering him on about his weightlifting prowess, it would have been quite normal for him to say - "Wait till I tell the wife/other half/partner" or just "Amy, my wife". I hope nothing has happened but don't sit back and let it.

@Alwaysalert ! wouldn’t waste my time chasing him all (by joining the gym or anything else that might be considered the ‘pick me’ dance).

I’d be showing him the door after all this.

Definitely feeding op a line,
This has been going on since aug,
Op hasn't attempted to join or get a day pass to set the record straight with ow,
Op doesn't reply to questions, eg cafe at the gym,
No finding info from socials on ow or bf,
Op h, is she seeing msg from her on his fone, why not,

H is actually telling op what's going on, I can not believe op can be this passive honestly,

H is probably on msg to ow now, pleading for there friendship to continue

He wouldn't be my husband for much longer.

Guaranteed he hasn’t mentioned you either.

He’s had his head turned. He’s minimising to you but the mentionitis tells you all you need to know.

Tell him that he’s straying into dangerous territory and you want him to do something about that.

Sorry it’s hard to respond to every message. No there’s no cafe etc at the gym, it’s quite a remote, small gym tbh. I did enquire a while back about joining but was told I needed to book in an induction 1st, and I couldn’t do the few days they had free. I haven’t been back since. I guess I could get my mum to look after the kids for a few hours and just turn up and wait in the car park. See if he walks out with her etc. But sometimes he takes his gym stuff to work and goes on his lunch, or occasionally wakes up at 6am and goes before work, so i don’t always know when he’s there.