Therapy session 2 and feeling more insecure with fiance

[togo1004]

Finished session 2 with therapy. She addressed why my vision might become blurry when I’m stressed. She thinks that my brain doesn’t want me to see something and that stress is the trigger for it.

we dove deeper into my childhood trauma and talked more about myself. We have not reached diagnosis stage as we have a wide arrange of things to cover.

im currently traveling in China with my fiancé. We’ve already gotten into a few arguments but nothing major I see a big improvement already. I’d like your feedback on what the issue is, If it’s indeed my problem again and how I can address it better next time.

i know I don’t have the best diet. He’s been reminding me to drink water this entire time and I have a hard time drinking water if it’s not cold and when I’m full. We went out to get coffee and I suddenly got dizzy and passed out. I woke up a few seconds later and he shoved a bunch of candy in my mouth and forced me to eat it. I felt better in about 5 minutes and he carried me back to our hotel.

he looked so worried and he started telling me that he suspects I might be either diabetic and has hypoglycemia or have extremely low blood pressure. Either way it’s not good. Then he went on about how I really need to stop eating fried food and sugary things and focus on hydration and getting minerals in my body. I got so annoyed and got loud and said that I’ve been this way my whole life and it’s perfectly normal.

then he started listing things and saying things like “passing out in the middle of the street is normal?”
he went on about how I’m always tired, always have a headache, has mental disorders and thinks it’s largely contributed by my diet and life style. He went on about how he’s never seen me eat a salad or vegetables or fruit. He said “you can’t just live on pasta and fried food and soda”

He said that I’m likely malnutritioned and dehydrated for years and that unless I change it’s going to destroy my body. Ive felt so violated that I started crying. Now im just exhausted and want to go home.

i told him to stop commenting on how i eat because ill likely develop bulimia because of his comments. He literally told me that if I don’t change my life style he’s going to call off the marriage because he says “I will not marry someone who doesn’t prioritize health”. I told him that he cannot control me as it’s my body and it’s my choice on how I eat and live.

that evening I tried to make love to him and he turned me down saying that I’m not well and he thinks I might pass out during sex. I felt like he just didn’t want me at all..felt so rejected. He said that I’m still cold sweating looks pale and that I should really stop eating fried noodles and eat some salad and drink 2 liters of water today and do this everyday and he just went to sleep.

I know I’m not diabetic from tests a while
back but I did take blood pressure the next morning at a pharmacy near by and my bp came back hypotension.

we were ok that day went to pool but he won’t touch me the way he used to and I’m feeling insecure.

did i handle this ok? It didn’t escalate into a big fight but was thinking it’s my body my choice the right thing to say in this point? His point is that it’s selfish because he’s the one responsible for medical bills for us and that I should be taking care of my health for both of us as he does the same.

‘Don’t do perfectly normal thing x or I’ll have a panic attack’ is classic manipulator territory. My grandmother did it for 30 years, controlling her adult children by having a heart attack anytime anyone went against her wishes.

@togo1004 genuine question, what do you want from us? It’s very VERY clear after the number if unanimous comments you have on a couple of threads that we don’t agree with your thinking. With every post you are being told YOU are the abuser. Yet you come back time and time again with the same nonsense convinced you are right. With every post you are showing yourself to be a troll or highly narcissistic. You simply believe you are right even in the face of a vast amount of counter thoughts and arguments. You are a waste of time. For your therapist. For your boyfriend. For all of us. You have no ability to do any self reflection. You’re going to end up very VERY lonely.

Unbelievable answer. You are the crazy one. It was just a pen! If you’re that bothered, make sure you’ve got a pen with you (like an adult). Oh, and look after your own room key as well!

In fact, you could sort yourself a handbag like a real grown up with pen, room key, water, antacid tablets for your acid reflux, healthy snacks in it, even money perhaps! Instead of relying on your poor BF for everything and then when he doesn’t do something exactly how you want it, having a tantrum.

This is weirdly fascinating. I've never seen directly into the mind of an abuser in quite this way. OP, if you aren't a troll (i devoutly hope you are), you are abusing your partner in every possible way. You have told us all that you do. In your own words. But you either can't or won't see it. Now he's getting 'rebellious'? So I should damn well hope! Stop posting on here. Split with your poor partner. Get professional help. Otherwise, you'll do this to the next guy. And the one after that. Get help.

😂😂😂😂

I swing between thinking this can't possibly be real but also thinking it might be.

I knew a Russian woman many years ago, she was lovely but also extremely demanding.

Also, if anyone has ever watched 90 Day Fiance, the Russians and women from the ex soviet union countries always come across as very demanding and perhaps a little bonkers. I thought it was hammed up for the TV but perhaps not.

I want you guys to understand me. Although I know I’m not perfect, I want you to see that it’s not all of me that is wrong with my relationship.

ok i understand I have panic attacks and it’s very difficult to deal with. But then why is it so wrong for me to want someone to calmly talk about my feelings and understand where I’m coming from?

my fiancé doesn’t seem to understand me at all, hence why he’s starting therapy next week. I told him to tell the therapist that he’s emotionally neglectful of me, and that his controlling behavior with food is harming me with potential bulimia coming back. I want him to tell the therapist the truth, that he always has to be right. Although he claims he doesn’t have to be right but it has to be factually correct, I believe facts can be subjective on who’s viewing them.

im seeing a therapist for my own issues of regulating my anxiety and emotions.

but you guys sound just like him, very cold.

But you see it’s not about the pen. Your focus is wrong. The focus should be about my feelings not having that pen right away.

the focus should be to talk to me calmly and reassure me that things will be ok without giving me a solution, because I didn’t ask for a solution to not having a pen.

You do not get to tell your poor fiance what he discusses with his therapist.

Are you truthful with your therapist about your abusive and controlling behaviour towards your poor fiance?

I don’t believe that I’m abusive so I have not mentioned that. I did tell her the shower incident, she thinks that I was mostly af fault but he was at fault also for constantly cutting me off and not hearing my emotions.

Did you tell your therapist about demanding your poor fiance stop seeing his friends or attending church?

I had to fill out an arrival card but didn’t have a pen. I asked him to get me a pen and he said he would as the airplane crew. He asked a few and none of them had because they had given out already. He said we can fill it out when we land, it’s no rush. Why is he telling me it’s not a rush when I want to do it now? So I asked him can you ask around the passengers for a pen? He said looked at me like I was crazy for no reason and said I’m not gonna ask these people for a pen. he knows I have social anxiety and he can’t even ask around for a pen for me.

Your focus was on the pen.

After he asked and couldn’t find, he didn’t have to offer a solution to shut me up. He could have just reassured me. I needed that at that moment.

this is why I say he doesn’t understand me at all.

I actually hope that he does go to the therapist and tells the therapist that the OP told him to say those things. It will help the therapist show him how abused he is being.

You don’t think it’s painful to not be able to see your friends alone for six months? Not to be able to visit your church you previously found a source of strength? Not to be able to volunteer which you previously enjoyed?

Newsflash OP. Your pain at not getting your hands on a pen at the exact moment you want is not on the same level as the pain of being isolated by your partner.

You are an abusive bully.

Me too. I think it could be the best thing he ever does.

Unfortunately if he comes home from therapy and says he’s realised she’s being abusive, OP will escalate her abuse and manipulation and use threats of panic attacks and self harm to persuade him to stop going.

She is a textbook domestic abuser.

i know he wants to but I’m his priority as he is mine.

big part of is because I don’t have any friends. My best friend of 15 years told me to never contact her again, and everyone I’ve met here has never kept in touch.

so itll be unfair for him to go out and have fun without me.

Why did your best friend go no contact with you?

'big part of is because I don’t have any friends. My best friend of 15 years told me to never contact her again, and everyone I’ve met here has never kept in touch.'

I can't think why......

I don’t know really. She got married and no longer wanted me around. She said I’m too dependent on her which is bs because when she was poor I gave her a home to stay with me back in Russia for 2 years.

my friend said we can remain friends but don’t want to be that close again because it was too much for her to handle. She is very selfish this way.
the last time was when I got into a fight with my current fiancé, I ran out of his home and had no where to go and I stayed with my friend. She told me this is the last time and that she never wants to see me again.

i had guy friends and all of them wanted to just have sex with me eventually so I cut them off. I’ve met another Russian girl here but she stopped replying to me after we hung out.

the only people who are nice to me are my fiancés friends.

I want to scream 😱 😫 😩 this is the most frustrating thread.... but I shouldn't be surprised, as I've read previous threads and they are all the same.

@togo1004 you will never, ever, ever, accept you're in the wrong.

I truly am desperate for real friendship. I watch movies and always wish I had a girl friend like a sister.

I thought I had but she literally blocked me and told me to never contact her again.

I met another girl recently we had pasta and coffee together. But she’s much younger than me. She is nice but she’s also very busy with her life and doesn’t really contact me.

im always the one contacting everyone but nobody wants to stay in touch. It’s why I wanted guy friends but all of them tried having sex with me eventually and that was a big no

And you won’t let him see them alone, or haven’t done for six months anyway.

You know why they’re nice to you don’t you? Because they see what you’ve done to their friend and want to keep you on side because they know you’re isolating, controlling and treating him incredibly badly. They don’t want you to isolate him even further than you’ve already been able to.

Good for them.

They are nice to me out of respect for my fiancé I’m sure. I’m slightly jealous of him because everywhere he goes people respect him right away and gravitate towards him. He makes friends really easily and easily the most liked person in his group.

why is it so hard for me to make friends? I want girl friends like ones I can go have coffee with and hang out with. I can’t seem to make friend, I have 1 friend in Russia and she’s super busy these days as well with her new husband.

People find you ‘too much’.

Your relationship is in such bad shape you fight all the time and have to post on anonymous forums for advice.

Literally everyone on the threads, based only on your side of the story and not even his, tells you you’re unreasonable, controlling and abusive.

Yet you still don’t see that the common denominator in your poor relationships both friendships and relationships, is you and your behaviour.

Im not one to armchair diagnose but I would be staggered if you don’t have a personality disorder.