Therapy session 2 and feeling more insecure with fiance

[togo1004]

Finished session 2 with therapy. She addressed why my vision might become blurry when I’m stressed. She thinks that my brain doesn’t want me to see something and that stress is the trigger for it.

we dove deeper into my childhood trauma and talked more about myself. We have not reached diagnosis stage as we have a wide arrange of things to cover.

im currently traveling in China with my fiancé. We’ve already gotten into a few arguments but nothing major I see a big improvement already. I’d like your feedback on what the issue is, If it’s indeed my problem again and how I can address it better next time.

i know I don’t have the best diet. He’s been reminding me to drink water this entire time and I have a hard time drinking water if it’s not cold and when I’m full. We went out to get coffee and I suddenly got dizzy and passed out. I woke up a few seconds later and he shoved a bunch of candy in my mouth and forced me to eat it. I felt better in about 5 minutes and he carried me back to our hotel.

he looked so worried and he started telling me that he suspects I might be either diabetic and has hypoglycemia or have extremely low blood pressure. Either way it’s not good. Then he went on about how I really need to stop eating fried food and sugary things and focus on hydration and getting minerals in my body. I got so annoyed and got loud and said that I’ve been this way my whole life and it’s perfectly normal.

then he started listing things and saying things like “passing out in the middle of the street is normal?”
he went on about how I’m always tired, always have a headache, has mental disorders and thinks it’s largely contributed by my diet and life style. He went on about how he’s never seen me eat a salad or vegetables or fruit. He said “you can’t just live on pasta and fried food and soda”

He said that I’m likely malnutritioned and dehydrated for years and that unless I change it’s going to destroy my body. Ive felt so violated that I started crying. Now im just exhausted and want to go home.

i told him to stop commenting on how i eat because ill likely develop bulimia because of his comments. He literally told me that if I don’t change my life style he’s going to call off the marriage because he says “I will not marry someone who doesn’t prioritize health”. I told him that he cannot control me as it’s my body and it’s my choice on how I eat and live.

that evening I tried to make love to him and he turned me down saying that I’m not well and he thinks I might pass out during sex. I felt like he just didn’t want me at all..felt so rejected. He said that I’m still cold sweating looks pale and that I should really stop eating fried noodles and eat some salad and drink 2 liters of water today and do this everyday and he just went to sleep.

I know I’m not diabetic from tests a while
back but I did take blood pressure the next morning at a pharmacy near by and my bp came back hypotension.

we were ok that day went to pool but he won’t touch me the way he used to and I’m feeling insecure.

did i handle this ok? It didn’t escalate into a big fight but was thinking it’s my body my choice the right thing to say in this point? His point is that it’s selfish because he’s the one responsible for medical bills for us and that I should be taking care of my health for both of us as he does the same.

The thread that keeps on giving out the same old, same old.

Come on now people....

How does he emotionally neglect you? Seriously!! This can’t be real 🤦‍♀️

is he there for me? Is this supportive?
Very. Much more than you are for him.

I asked him to get me a pen and he said he would as the airplane crew. He asked a few and none of them had because they had given out already. He said we can fill it out when we land, it’s no rush.
This is him being there for you, and being supportive. He understood that you wouldn’t want to ask for a pen yourself, so he asked for you. When he found he couldn’t solve the issue immediately, he reassured you (it’s no rush) and came up with an alternative solution (fill it out when you land). You rejecting the logical, reasonable suggestion he offered is a reflection on you, not him.

He thinks you should work on your own anxiety, bulimia, and tendency to blame other people for your own issues. If you wanted a pen, you ask for a pen. If your anxiety prevented you from asking for a pen, then you do without one.

See what I mean? He or she is fully taking the piss now 😂

OP

You are like a child:

1. You faint and feel dizzy because you don’t drink enough. (Child like). When your BF (aka the adult) reminds you to drink you don’t like it and push back
2. You expect your BF to look after your room key instead of looking after it yourself (like a child). When he can’t immediately find it but offers you the other one and a solution, you have a tantrum. Like a child. You want YOUR key and it’s HIS fault.
3. You eat junk food and have low energy as a result, and I seem to remember from a previous thread, vitamin deficiency. Like a child, you insist you must have pizza etc. When your BF (the adult) encourages you to make healthy food choices, you sulk.
4. You rely on your grown up (BF) to pay for everything and to do the lion’s share of the chores because you’re ‘tired’
5. You want a pen but want him to ask for it. When he doesn’t, you sulk
6. When you can’t get your own way or are criticised you play the victim - I’ll die if he leaves me, he’s causing my eating disorder etc
7. You can meet someone for coffee (previous thread) but you can’t let the water cooler man in (previous thread)
8. You are contrary (like a child). You can’t walk after dinner because of acid reflux. You want to walk after dinner or it’s not a date! It’s all me me me and when he dares to have a different opinion or to say no to you, he’s rebellious! Fuck me your poor BF!

Or make sure you pack yoyr own pen OP

Oh I so hope he does end up single. See, even now, when he’s explaining he’s worried, that he doesn’t like the taste or smell of cigs, that you’re blaming him for having a perfectly reasonable explanation.

With the amount of sugar you consume you must be a one woman yeast machine - thrush, athletes foot, all thrives from sugar. And it’s a bit whiffy.

That guy does indeed deserve a medal.

Because he didn’t see how I “feel”. It’s not about the pen but having the emotional intelligence to understand I’m obviously having a slight panic attack and he brushed it off like it was nothing.

this is why he need therapy, he isn’t in touch with his emotions.

Later isn’t an a logical solution. Logical solution is to hug me and reassure me that everything’s going to be ok.

its in the little things. If you’re a woman you should know this and how important it is

@togo1004 please seek proper assistance and diagnosis from a psychiatrist. You need medical intervention and proper treatment. This is some sort of personality disorder. Black and white thinking. overly self focussed. Lack of empathy for others.

I have triedto talk to you, but I am not getting through, and nor is anyone else. Nothing you have said indicates your partner is out of touch with his emotions, or lacking in emotional intelligence or that he is responding to you inappropriately.

I think possibly the worst thing he could do is indulge you, I think his matter of factness is the right way to deal with you, rather than encourage you neurotic behaviour.

I think you are angry because you are unable to control and manipulate him and turn him into your little echo chamber of how special and needy you are.

I dont know why you keep posting, it just confirms over and over again that you should not be in a relationship, based on your own description of yourself and your behaviour.

You need to take responsibility for yourself, and not make demands of anyone else.

I hope you can be happy, but that is going to be down to you, not anyone else

I’m trying to but I can’t see how I’m doing anything wrong. Are my expectations too high? But I would do this for him no problem. But he never comes to me for help for anything. I ask him simple things like “can you get me water” “can you make me coffee”, “can you bring my glasses” and his face looks annoyed. I don’t get it because if he asked me I’d just do it for him.

how come he doesn’t ask me for these things?? I’ve asked him before and he always says things like well I can do those myself I only ask for help when I really need. Then what’s the point of relationship? Shouldn’t we rely on one another to be more comfortable?

Because emotionally healthy people do not treat their partner as their maid and helper.

Asking for a glass of water is a maid? I’m tired but thirsty and he’s already up so what’s the issue? If he wants something sometimes I goto store and get it for him too.

When is the last time you went out of your way to get him something from the store?

Just few days ago when he’s sick. I went out to get him some kebabs and also some vitamin c drinks. Sometimes I’ll go out at 12 am to the store next door to get him some healthy snacks when he’s busy working.

I do it frequently

He/she is on a wind up. They're not real.

Now you are invalidating my entire existence.

Troll.

It’s so clearly a windup! Don’t bother engaging

Here’s a question for you OP. What is a bigger example of neglecting a partners needs:

a. When they ask you to source them a pen for a form that can wait, you dutifully ask cabin crew who say they don’t have one, then you say that rather than disturbing other passengers it’s best to wait until a more convenient time.

b. Not allowing your partner to see their friend alone, attend their church alone or do volunteering alone for at least six months because you are uncomfortable with them having fun without you (this is how you explained it on another thread) so have panic attacks and on at least one occasion ‘pass out’ from it so they find you like that when they get home.

In which example is the partner neglecting their other half’s emotional needs more? Be honest.

I think the first is more neglectful because the second is in pain. If my actions are causing someone panic attacks I wouldn’t do them if I loved them.

all he had to do if he couldn’t find a pen was to reassure me that everything’s ok and that we’re going to be fine, instead he made me feel like I was the crazy one.

that is abusive behavior

Just because some people think differently it doesn’t mean they are a troll.

And the reason you're still with this man you think is abusing you is...?