pension issue with DH

[Elephantonabroom]

DH and I are late 40s/early 50s. I can only work part time and my private pension will be tiny. DH earns about 3x what I earn, and will have generous final salary pension scheme. but we go 50/50 on everything (we don't have a mortgage, and I get child benefit pulse PIP for my eldest) so I manage. Once I retire (and I know there are still 20 years) I will have the state pension and a tiny private pension (forecasted to be in the ballpark for 2.5k annually). Since we don't have pooled finances (DH is not agreeing to this). I will need to make some more provisions to protect myself once I get to retirement age. Any ideas who to bump up my pension. I can currently not increase my hours nor can I increase my pension contributions (it's a low paid part time job as both DC have complex care needs and I am the primary carer). But I won't be able to rely on DH's pension.

It may come under economic abuse which is slightly different to financial abuse

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-is-economic-abuse/

Divorce him before you inherit.

That PIP payment is your children not yours to use for bills etc
Its there’s for anything they need or want to do that you can’t afford to pay for

So what happens if the PIP stops for whatever reason as it’s not guaranteed. Lots of people on pip for years with some really bad health issues with hospital backup have had it taken away.
Or when they turn 18 and want it themselves

A rough calculation on your existing wage with 2 children, if you were privately renting a home in our area (around £1500 a month) you'd get roughly £587 a week or £2543 a month towards your rent & living expenses on current wage whilst contributing 8% towards your pension, and single persons council tax discount.

Now this figure will change based on what the rents are in your area, but it might give you an idea on whether you'd be financially more secure alone.

I've assumed 0 savings which may be incorrect.

The figure may also change if you are paid maintenance. You can do a better calculation yourself, use a benefit calculator like entitled to or turn2us. If your situation is more complex citizens advice may be a better place to start they can support with benefit checks too.

Do you think your husband would continue to physically support with your children if you were to separate?

Would this excess income through benefits permit you to pay privately for support to increase your respite / support options?

Is your home adapted for your children's needs have you had a disabled facilities grant? Just wondering if it would make more sense to stay in your home but without your husband.

The only way you can up your pension is to increase payments.

i left myself slightly vulnerable too. I grew up being told state pension is enough. My parents lived off my dad’s state pension and were fine. So I didn’t start a work pension until I was 30. Since my children were born I work partime or a sahp. About two years ago I saw dh payslip and realised he pays more into his pension per month than my wage. I immediately upped by contributions and I now pay £200 pm. And that’s with a man who shares his money 50/50

If you’ll walk away with half a house and half a final salary pension you’ll be ok surely? Start planning now so you’ll get the best deal for you. He’s only thinking about himself. So time you think only of yourself and 2 kids

The PIP is to ensure the children receive the care they need to live as “normal” a life as possible. What exactly do you think it should be used for, if not to allow their mother to live whilst providing that care?

It’s outrageous people saying @Elephantonabroomis abusing her children’s PIP.
It is to make their lives easier however she sees fit.
Do posters expect her to work FT ?
Who would look after her children ?
They are too old (and disabled) for childcare
I believe her husband is financially abusing all of them.
MN loves to kick people when they’re down.

Most people are saying it in defence as her husband shouldn’t expect her to use it for bills, don’t think anyone is having a go at her just more angry at her husband