Shockingly huge age gap, wwyd?

[Saponaria]

I'm am 40 and my partner is 67, so we have a 27 year age gap. We've been together for three years. It's the best relationship I've ever had. He is the most wonderful man and the most loving partner that anyone could ever wish for. He is incredibly wise, sexy, fun, and so much more!

He looks after himself very well, he is physically very fit and has a great body! Also great posture and dresses well. He could pass for 50.
He has had some health issues, cancer and heart problems, but he is fighting fit again now and has bags of energy and enthusiasm for life. He is a really positive, motivated and energetic person. Our sex life is fantastic and I really fancy him despite our age gap.

I am happily child-free, have my own home and work full time. My partner is retired and I see him at the weekends. We live separately.

I'm currently taking stock of the relationship and trying to decide whether to continue. The age gap was a big deal for me at the start but we have proved it can work, it's not something that either of us notices. We have so many shared interests and we're extremely compatible on multiple levels.

However I'm now thinking about the future. If you were me, would you continue with the relationship? Or would you end it now and try and build a life with someone that is more your age?

He has set the bar EXTREMELY high so I worry that I won't find anyone as wonderful as him that I am compatible with on so many levels. It's hard to imagine life without him.

Really need help and perspective!

Well, there's nothing lacking in your self-confidence!

Just out of interest, how did you meet him and given your concerns about the age gap, why go out with him in the first place?

Not wanting to rain on your parade, but it's very easy to be our "best selves" - kind, wise, fun, sexy - when we live separately and only see each other at weekends. He might be a boring slob the rest of the time but saves it all up for the weekends

If you don’t want children I’d stick it out. You could have another 20 years with the man who you say you love very much. That is a wonderful thing.

Some people don’t get the opportunity for a love so special at all so if you’ve found it, keep it!

Yes it's worked so well. I am fully signed up to the idea of 'living apart together' and luckily he is too. I don't think I'd want to share my space with anyone again! It's too precious to me. But we love spending time at each others' homes.

I think you need to think about the reality of what the future will bring. A fit 67 year old is one thing but age catches up with everyone no matter how fit. At 80 he will become more frail no matter how fit he is. You will still be relatively young when he is facing old age and could spend some of the best years of your life as a carer.

That was my reaction too! 😳😕😢

Unless you wanted kids, I would stay in a relationship that made me very happy with a great man that I loved, whatever his age!

You fancy him and get on well, so get on with it? As PP said, we're here for a good time, not a long time. Since you don't want children, I'd not worry.

I do think your thread title seems a little off; I was expecting to read another thread, to be honest. If you think it's a shocking age difference, why did you pick him?

It depends what you want for the future. I'd carry on with him - he sounds great!

We met at an event relating to a shared interest of ours. We spent some time alone together by chance and I was extremely impressed with his listening skills. I've never experienced a man listening to me so well and in a way that showed a genuine interest and curiosity about my experience. He should have been a therapist! I also found him very funny and physically attractive despite his age. Then the more I learnt about him the more I liked! I found it hard to dismiss our shared connection purely because of his age, so i just went for it.

No thankfully he isn't a boring slob when he's not with me. He is even more clean than me and he's the last person I would ever call boring. He is a very exciting person to spend time with. Maybe he's a bit more serious when he's by himself, and he grafts hard every day even though he is retired.

My concern wouldn't be about right now, it would be about how do I want my life to look in a couple of decades. Do you want someone to share the retirement years with? If so, he will be in his 90s when you retire and he is not going to be very active if still alive and meeting someone new when you are mid-60s isn't going to be easy. Are you happy to take on a caring role in your 50s or 60s? I don't know many women who would be whilst they are still relatively young and have time and resources to live life. I'm guessing you also have parents that are around his age, it might be a whole lot of people for you to care for at the same time.

I think you can carry on dating him maybe, but eventually you will be sort of locked in but it is also very hard to leave something that is good right now.

Sounds great but realistically everybody is "young" until there not - it's rarely a slow descent & never guaranteed you'll survive long enough yourself to become a carer you may very well end up in an accident & leave behind a 75+ year old who is nolonger able to care for themselves the way a woman with a child might leave them behind

At the end of the day you can only enjoy life right now & being in a supportive, safe relationship is what makes the biggest difference not the age

I’ve been happily married to my husband for 13 years we have a 22 year age gap. Happy to chat about it.

It seems like responses are split between "He sounds lovely, just enjoy it and don't worry" versus "You need to think very carefully about the future". This basically sums up my predicament.

Add into the mix a mid-life crisis caused by turning 40.

I have a 27 year age gap with my DH. We have been together for 20+ years. We are very happy. I don’t expect to enjoy a long retirement with him but I would change nothing.

What does he graft hard at every day if he's retired?

With all due respect, it seems like you are still in the infatuation stage and not very realistic about what you are into here. You also seem like someone who doesn't know many older people very well, to be honest.

First, no, you haven't actually proven that a 27 year age gap works. Three years is not very long. Especially when you have separate homes and bank accounts and only see each other on the weekends. That is basically only a dating situation. Low real world involvement easily paints a picture that's rosier than reality.

He's 67 and he's had cancer and has a heart condition. Careful with imagining he's somehow sidestepped the aging process in any way because he has not, and it will soon be accelerating. He will be slowing down more, less sexual, lower energy and more health problems. You will either continue to have a casual connection only, or you will become his nurse.

What you should do, all depends on what you want. If you want a full partner to share your daily life and future with, of course you should move on. If you're happy with what you have, that's okay too but don't kid yourself about what it really is or you will just fall harder.

You are a full generation apart, which means you are at very different stages of life. This won't be changing, it will be escalating. So, it might work well for a while, at a distance, but that's most likely the limit of it.

Most couples with huge age gaps are basically "transactional," meaning the older one has a lot of money, which the younger one wouldn't accept them without. Good luck.

This is helpful to hear, thank you.

I don't really get your indecisive ness if you really feel the way you do. There are 25 years between me and my DH.

Obviously I know he is way older and obviously I knew I would probably become his carer. I haven't gone into this in denial. We absolutely love each other and tbh I live in the right now (whilst being realistic of course) because it's all we have. A couple of months ago he was unexpectedly hospitalised (not age related thing) for a month and I have done absolutely everything for him. I would have done the exact same if he was the same age as me because I love him.

We work together and and adore each other. Great sex. Great happy relationship. He is my absolute bestest friend.

But he is the absolute love of my life. I would honestly (and have already) do anything for him. Absolutely no question. I cared for him in hospital and when he came home but it's naturally in me to do that anyway whereas you admit you're not really like that. But that's ok too. Have you ever had a discussion with him?

We know people that have ended up needing looking after through accidents etc and only been young. It's not always age that gets you. But you don't live together, not married. Why not carry on as you are heaving fun and being happy? We only ever have now

Sorry for context, I'm 48 he is 73

I think you have a good thing going, I'd keep it going. A friend of mine had a relationship in her late 30s to early 40s with a man 40 years older, until he died, and they were very happy together. I know she was younger than you, but I think it's not worth worrying about the 'might bes' when you have what sounds like a wonderful man in your life.

I wondered if you loved together because I suspect you might see a different man of you were together 24x7. I genuinely don't know many people who can keep on in late 60s and you are absolutely right to recognise 80 is very different to early 60s.

Do you plan on living together?

Nobody is promised tomorrow so he could outlive you, who knows. Stop questioning something that works for you and carry on enjoying yourselves until the day you realise you dont enjoy it. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

It sounds like you’ve struck it lucky on the sec front, erections aren’t very reliable at that age. Maybe he uses viagra? I would move on I’m afraid.

I don't think.noy wanting to be someone's carer makes you inherently selfish OP

I think, if you really loved him, you’d not even consider thinking about other options. He’d be the one and that’s it. As it is you’re thinking about whether something / someone else is a better option. On that basis, the answer is probably yes.

>>>would you end it now and try and build a life with someone that is more your age?