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Original poster

Shockingly huge age gap, wwyd?

337 replies

Saponaria · 27/07/2025 20:17

I'm am 40 and my partner is 67, so we have a 27 year age gap. We've been together for three years. It's the best relationship I've ever had. He is the most wonderful man and the most loving partner that anyone could ever wish for. He is incredibly wise, sexy, fun, and so much more!

He looks after himself very well, he is physically very fit and has a great body! Also great posture and dresses well. He could pass for 50.
He has had some health issues, cancer and heart problems, but he is fighting fit again now and has bags of energy and enthusiasm for life. He is a really positive, motivated and energetic person. Our sex life is fantastic and I really fancy him despite our age gap.

I am happily child-free, have my own home and work full time. My partner is retired and I see him at the weekends. We live separately.

I'm currently taking stock of the relationship and trying to decide whether to continue. The age gap was a big deal for me at the start but we have proved it can work, it's not something that either of us notices. We have so many shared interests and we're extremely compatible on multiple levels.

However I'm now thinking about the future. If you were me, would you continue with the relationship? Or would you end it now and try and build a life with someone that is more your age?

He has set the bar EXTREMELY high so I worry that I won't find anyone as wonderful as him that I am compatible with on so many levels. It's hard to imagine life without him.

Really need help and perspective!

OP posts:
workshy46 · 30/07/2025 17:32

TheaBrandt1 · 29/07/2025 22:30

God what an odd thread. Poster after poster cheerleading a woman in her prime dating an old codger her dad’s age. Super weird.

1000% this ... she is 40, still so so young. No wonder men have all the power when women will seemingly take any man at all

woodlandnoise · 30/07/2025 19:21

workshy46 · 30/07/2025 17:29

Men leave women who get longterm sick or a debilitating illness, it is some huge number. Women on the other hand invariably stay so karma is unlikely in this situation. I know in real life so many times when this has happened and my friends husband was told by his doctor he was lucky he was a he no a she when he got diagnosed with MS as he said the men all end up leaving but the women stay

Show quote history

Exactly. Statistics literally show that men will leave women who get ill far more often than the other way round so this idea that men would stick around being a male version of Florence nightingale is largely a myth. Of course, some men would and not all men are arseholes but the statistics on this topic are really shocking and eye opening. Therefore, I wouldnt feel a single jot of guilt not being keen to be an old man's carer. The likelihood is- if she gets ill first, he wont stick around either.

AnnetteFlix · 30/07/2025 19:34

Tom Cruise, 63, is dating a 37 year old.

Papped walking hand and hand, she looked like his daughter.

Brad Pitt is in a similar age gap relationship. Funnily enough not with an older woman.

Creepy.

TheaBrandt1 · 30/07/2025 20:12

Vampiric

echt · 31/07/2025 00:16

workshy46 · 30/07/2025 17:32

1000% this ... she is 40, still so so young. No wonder men have all the power when women will seemingly take any man at all

Show quote history

Don't be so rude about the OP. She plainly does not regard herself as any port in a storm with her present man.

aurynne · 31/07/2025 00:38

It's only a problem if you've internalised the strange but pervasive belief that a relationship is only "successful" if it lasts forever.
I have had many relationships, and most were successful and enjoyable, and I look back on them with fondness. They stopped working at some point, so we both moved on. The immense freedom of being childfree and independent means you don't have to worry so much about "the future". The relationship stops working for you? Then leave!
I have no intention of spending my still active years being a full-time carer for anyone, neither do I expect anyone to do that for me. That's what professional carers and rest homes are for.
I am generally not attracted to older men, but I did once date someone 17years older than me because I was attracted to him (we didn't last long as his life was riddled with anxiety and abandonment issues and I can't be bothered putting up with that). Now I have a partner who is younger than me, intelligent, kind and selfless. I am really enjoying this relationship! But will I be with him for the rest of my/his life? I have no idea. It doesn't worry me. I make short and mid-term plans based in what we want to do and what works for us. No one knows what the future brings, I may be diagnosed with incurable cancer next week, he could be run over by a truck tomorrow. But neither of us have dependants, so we have the luxury of not having to worry about anyone else.

You do too, just enjoy life!

Fannyy · 31/07/2025 04:04

Op. Why are you on mumsnet if you don't have kids?

Fannyy · 31/07/2025 04:05

TheaBrandt1 · 30/07/2025 12:56

And who cares what flipping Barbara Windsor does ?! Is she your life guide? Now what would Barbara Windsor do….heard it all now!!

Dead here

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 31/07/2025 05:38

Fannyy · 31/07/2025 04:04

Op. Why are you on mumsnet if you don't have kids?

Many people are on Mumsnet who don't have kids. It's not a law.

autienotnaughty · 31/07/2025 06:59

The concern is at some point his age will catch up with him be it 70/75/80 But realistically before you are 50 you will be with an elderly man and all the trappings of that. There’s also the fact that he will likely die in the next 20 years . If you think he’s worth it you should go for it. But make sure you are not financially vulnerable and that you don’t isolate yourself from your friends/family.

cloudtreecarpet · 31/07/2025 07:50

Falseknock · 30/07/2025 12:26

She could be with a younger man if she wanted to. The younger man may disappoint her in the bedroom where as at the moment the older man satisfies her needs. Life is for living not writing people off. My partners dad at 90 had a young woman on his arm and he did look good for his age. The key to looking young is not caring and enjoying life.

Edited
Show quote history

"at the moment" - I think that's the key thing here.
"At the moment" it's all great, he is relatively fit, good in bed etc.
However romantic one wants to be, however many exceptions stories there are, the reality is that being with a man who is nearing 70 when you are just nearing 40 is likely to present problems in the near future.

The decision is whether to continue just living in the moment & hoping for the best.

Original poster
Saponaria · 31/07/2025 09:12

aurynne · 31/07/2025 00:38

It's only a problem if you've internalised the strange but pervasive belief that a relationship is only "successful" if it lasts forever.
I have had many relationships, and most were successful and enjoyable, and I look back on them with fondness. They stopped working at some point, so we both moved on. The immense freedom of being childfree and independent means you don't have to worry so much about "the future". The relationship stops working for you? Then leave!
I have no intention of spending my still active years being a full-time carer for anyone, neither do I expect anyone to do that for me. That's what professional carers and rest homes are for.
I am generally not attracted to older men, but I did once date someone 17years older than me because I was attracted to him (we didn't last long as his life was riddled with anxiety and abandonment issues and I can't be bothered putting up with that). Now I have a partner who is younger than me, intelligent, kind and selfless. I am really enjoying this relationship! But will I be with him for the rest of my/his life? I have no idea. It doesn't worry me. I make short and mid-term plans based in what we want to do and what works for us. No one knows what the future brings, I may be diagnosed with incurable cancer next week, he could be run over by a truck tomorrow. But neither of us have dependants, so we have the luxury of not having to worry about anyone else.

You do too, just enjoy life!

Edited

This is a very refreshing view, thanks. I totally agree about successful relationships not needing to last forever.

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