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Original poster

Shockingly huge age gap, wwyd?

337 replies

Saponaria · 27/07/2025 20:17

I'm am 40 and my partner is 67, so we have a 27 year age gap. We've been together for three years. It's the best relationship I've ever had. He is the most wonderful man and the most loving partner that anyone could ever wish for. He is incredibly wise, sexy, fun, and so much more!

He looks after himself very well, he is physically very fit and has a great body! Also great posture and dresses well. He could pass for 50.
He has had some health issues, cancer and heart problems, but he is fighting fit again now and has bags of energy and enthusiasm for life. He is a really positive, motivated and energetic person. Our sex life is fantastic and I really fancy him despite our age gap.

I am happily child-free, have my own home and work full time. My partner is retired and I see him at the weekends. We live separately.

I'm currently taking stock of the relationship and trying to decide whether to continue. The age gap was a big deal for me at the start but we have proved it can work, it's not something that either of us notices. We have so many shared interests and we're extremely compatible on multiple levels.

However I'm now thinking about the future. If you were me, would you continue with the relationship? Or would you end it now and try and build a life with someone that is more your age?

He has set the bar EXTREMELY high so I worry that I won't find anyone as wonderful as him that I am compatible with on so many levels. It's hard to imagine life without him.

Really need help and perspective!

OP posts:
BruFord · 27/07/2025 21:10

Just my experience but you may find that you’re not interested in a new partner when you’re older anyway.

I’m 51 this year and most of my friends are late 40’s to mid-50’s. We’ve had conversations about this and the consensus is that if something happened to our current partners, we cba to get into another relationship. 😂

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 21:11

I agree with
@Saltandpeppersquid
If you really love him you wouldn't even be thinking of ending things because of his age.
My second husband was 10 years older than me , which is a much smaller age gap. He died absolutely unexpectedly when he was 62 - died of a heart attack on his way to work. So the issues surrounding older age didn't really happen for us.
You really don't know what the future has in store and I feel you have to grab happiness in a relationship while you have it.
But if you are worrying about your partner's age and it's implications for yourself then I dont see how you can enjoy the here and now with him fully.

SilverHammer · 27/07/2025 21:11

My husband is older by about 10 years. I’ve noticed that since he’s turned 70 he has really aged. Not his fault. He exercises and is very healthy and has a young mentality. But sometimes there is nothing you can do about ageing. It just happens. Be prepared for that.

Babybirdmum · 27/07/2025 21:12

I met a 90 year old man who looked 70 and his wife who was 76 who looked 60 the other day and both were as fit as a fiddle! I was in awe of the 90 year old

Brightasarainbow · 27/07/2025 21:12

OP, I think that in younger relationships, having kids tend to force people down the love/move in/marry/have kids/take care of each other in old age route. You don't have to be traditional. Keep your current arrangement, enjoy time in a relationship that sounds amazing.

He has funds and children. There's no reason that you would need to take on the role of caring when that time comes. As long as you have that discussion in advance and everyone is aware of the expectations, do whatever works for you. If you do want to care for him, put together a financial arrangement so that it works for both of you. If you think you might want to break up at that stage, have that discussion too, that might be what he also would want for you.

Enjoy your freedom to make this relationship whatever you want it to be, and enjoy your lovely man!

RosesAndHellebores · 27/07/2025 21:12

BruFord · 27/07/2025 21:10

Just my experience but you may find that you’re not interested in a new partner when you’re older anyway.

I’m 51 this year and most of my friends are late 40’s to mid-50’s. We’ve had conversations about this and the consensus is that if something happened to our current partners, we cba to get into another relationship. 😂

Totally agree. I am 65 and DH is 64. If anything were to happen to him there is no way I'd ever want to get involved with someone else. Just no.

gamerchick · 27/07/2025 21:15

If you keep hour body fit, then it'll do you for a long time. I don't see why you wouldn't grab happiness where you can. You're not breeding, no dependants to think about. What's the issue?

gamerchick · 27/07/2025 21:17

BruFord · 27/07/2025 21:10

Just my experience but you may find that you’re not interested in a new partner when you’re older anyway.

I’m 51 this year and most of my friends are late 40’s to mid-50’s. We’ve had conversations about this and the consensus is that if something happened to our current partners, we cba to get into another relationship. 😂

Heh it's true. I'm 50 and I know I just couldn't be bothered with another man if something should happen to my husband or we split. Just couldn't be bothered with them.

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 21:21

RosesAndHellebores · 27/07/2025 21:12

Totally agree. I am 65 and DH is 64. If anything were to happen to him there is no way I'd ever want to get involved with someone else. Just no.

Show quote history

I agree with this. I was 52 when my DH died . It never even crossed my mind to look for another relationship. Despite finding widowhood really difficult and lonely. It might be because of the suddeness of my husbands death but I was realky unprepared for being alone but even more unprepared for even contemplating having a relationship with anyone else.

KeepcalmandtellthemtoFoff · 27/07/2025 21:23

I am your age and can't imagine wanting to be with someone nearing 70 but then even my parents are only in their early 60s and isn't Brad Pitt about 65?! If you are happy with him then who cares what anyone else things and I can't see why you'd feel very different in 3 years.

CallMeFlo · 27/07/2025 21:28

You could end this relationship and meet someone else who further down the line could get ill or hit by a bus and you'd end up a carer. Your current partner could still be fit and healthy in another 20+ years.

godmum56 · 27/07/2025 21:29

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 21:21

I agree with this. I was 52 when my DH died . It never even crossed my mind to look for another relationship. Despite finding widowhood really difficult and lonely. It might be because of the suddeness of my husbands death but I was realky unprepared for being alone but even more unprepared for even contemplating having a relationship with anyone else.

Show quote history

Pretty much the same here.

Reddog1 · 27/07/2025 21:30

Do you suspect he had that in mind ie did he deliberately go for a woman a generation younger after his divorce, with old age in mind?

I’d hope not, especially as it’s likely his kids will inherit everything.

You don’t have to be his carer, anyway.

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/07/2025 21:32

We're here for a good time, not a long time. Enjoy the here and now and worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Btw in 10 years time you'll still have your pick, as long as your mind is curious and attractive...

Bobnobob · 27/07/2025 21:33

my husband and I have in the last few years watched all of our parents turn 70. It’s a real turning point into old age for most people I think. Even if lucky enough to avoid any specific health conditions, the sort of mannerisms and slowness that come with old age are starting to appear. It’s only a few years off for your DP. I would be thinking very carefully if I was you.

downbadd · 27/07/2025 21:33

SilverHammer · 27/07/2025 21:11

My husband is older by about 10 years. I’ve noticed that since he’s turned 70 he has really aged. Not his fault. He exercises and is very healthy and has a young mentality. But sometimes there is nothing you can do about ageing. It just happens. Be prepared for that.

My husband is 41 and I’m 29 we don’t notice the age gap at all, been together 3 years now. But sometimes I do think about when we are older and if the age gap will be more apparent like you have said

TealAndTurquoise · 27/07/2025 21:33

@Saponaria my stepdad was 27 years older than my mum. She was 30 when they got married and he was 57. They didn't have a happy marriage, for reasons I won't go into here, but the biggest problem is that my mum ended up retiring at 50 to look after him as his health started to decline once he got into his 70's.

That ended up being her role in life until he died years later. Watching him decline really affected her mental health, which was already fragile, and he was often combative as he couldn't cope with the fact that he was old and sick. He used to try and prove he could still do things, so he'd set off to go to a shop up the road and 20 minutes later my mum would get a call to say he'd fallen over.

Your partner sounds wonderful but you're right to think about the future.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 27/07/2025 21:34

Maybe this is a relationship that will fizzle out in a couple of years

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 21:36

Bobnobob · 27/07/2025 21:33

my husband and I have in the last few years watched all of our parents turn 70. It’s a real turning point into old age for most people I think. Even if lucky enough to avoid any specific health conditions, the sort of mannerisms and slowness that come with old age are starting to appear. It’s only a few years off for your DP. I would be thinking very carefully if I was you.

Oh blimey well you've really cheered me up!

I'm 73 and there's nothing like an MN thread to make me feel I've outlived my usefulness!

LBFseBrom · 27/07/2025 21:38

You are obviously happy with this man and you don't live together so enjoy it for what it is, let the future take care of itself.

localnotail · 27/07/2025 21:38

Unless you already have someone better, I would say its very unlikely you would find someone as lovely sounding as your partner. All the guys I met when I was 40 wanted a younger woman to have a relationship with.

I would say, dont sweat it. Let it run naturally. With no biological clock involved, why bother with the age?

Original poster
Saponaria · 27/07/2025 21:38

Reddog1 · 27/07/2025 21:30

Do you suspect he had that in mind ie did he deliberately go for a woman a generation younger after his divorce, with old age in mind?

I’d hope not, especially as it’s likely his kids will inherit everything.

You don’t have to be his carer, anyway.

No I don't think he planned it this way. He finds it easy to attract women that are younger than him and we got together because I fancied him and hit it off (we met in person, not OLD).

OP posts:
Nevereatcardboard · 27/07/2025 21:39

If you’re not bothered about having children or living together, I think this situation sounds great. You get the nice parts of a relationship which is someone lovely to go out with and take holidays together, while avoiding domestic stuff like doing his laundry, housework or becoming his carer in the future. It also means you don’t have to be involved with his children or family unless you choose to do so.

JHound · 27/07/2025 21:40

I would never date a man that much older than me. A man who would have left secondary school by the time my father started. A man near 70?!

Eugh - gross.

But…if you like it I love it. What happens when he is 80 and you are just early 50s?

angelco · 27/07/2025 21:41

I would never have started it in a the first place because we life goes you will end up on your own