Husband to go on a trip with his family without me and the kids

[Mummymember]

Just wanted opinions on this matter,
My sister in law turns 50th this weekend. We are going to UK Peak District this weekend to celebrate. We have all paid to stay in a big house together. My husband and i were bringing iur 2 year old and 4 month old with us.

My two year old has now got chickenpox and we are supposed to be going tomorrow, he is well in himself at the moment but we cannot tale him with us as my husbands uncle is undergoing chemotherapy and cannot be around infectious people which is understandle and he would still like to go on the trip. My husband still wants to go which means i would need to stay at home with the kids for two nights alone. Whats everyones thoughts on this? Should he be staying with us? My youngest is 4 months old and im still finding it quite chaotic at home with a 4 month old and 2 year old and im worried my baby is going to catch chickenpox off his brother or if my toddler gets poorly with chickenpox. My mother is also out of town that weekend so id have no support whilst my husband is gone.
He is very close with his sister so i get him
not wanting to miss it however we have just all got back from A holiday in turkey to celebrate his sisters 50th also. She arranged this UK trip as this is when her actual birthday falls on
need advice please!

And?
Factually it is incredibly rare for anyone to contract chickenpox twice. No only is it incredibly rare but given the child is over the worst of it there’s obviously nothing to suggest the OP’s DH has actually caught chickenpox.

Ah this is hard and you have my sympathy. If you really don't think you can cope then you can (of course) ask him to stay. However, you might be surprised how well you manage solo. A similar thing happened to me - I let my DH go and it was hard work but it was fine.
What I regret is not making sure that I got a weekend off in return, you MUST do this and look fwd to it, that is only fair.

It's 2 nights and if he is 3 hours away he can (relatively) easily come home if he is needed.
I'd not be bothered about him going,assuming that he wants to go - if he would rather not go he should ignore any pressure from his family.

It depends. Have you been struggling recently with the two kids yourself or are things generally OK? If the latter then I'd let him go. If you've been struggling (which many people do with babies so young and recently postpartum) then that's different.

Ah, OK, thank you for the clarification (I was hoping for your sake that this would be an easy way out for your husband to stay with you with a reason which the extended family would easily understand.)

This

Also this.

I'd let him go. It will be hard but it's only 2 nights and I'd stock up on ready meals and take out so didn't have to cook. It will fly by.

Just pointing out it's not impossible especially if the first round was mild....I think he should go.

How many birthday celebrations does your DH's sister need? Is she having the Trooping of the Colour to commemorate her birthday? It all sounds very over the top.

This is what i find frustrating and the reason why i asked the question whether or not he should go. We literally got back from being abroad for a 9 nights to celebrate her birthday which was full on being postpartum and having a toddler but of course was happy to go and celebrate. Also that we are out for dinner next week which i have arranged childcare for as she does not want kids attending which is also fine but i guess what im trying to say is i feel we have really made an effort for her 50th in general and not once has any of the family said “ dont worry if you cant make this weekend “ there still putting pressure on my husband for him to go. If this weekend was the only weekend she was celebrating i would not have even created this thread in the first place

How long do you call postpartum? Medically it's 6 to 8 weeks not 4 months.
She is milking her birthday....but maybe that's due to wondering if this is the last time with uncle or for other reasons like you never know what's round the corner.

Not everyone is “medically” recovered by 8 weeks postpartum, i certainly was not due to complications. Shes more than welcome to milk her birthday but i dont think its necessary to put pressure on when people have situations arise and have made alot of effort already to celebrate.

I am sorry you’re having a rough time. On the face of it I can’t see why your husband should cancel - your toddler is through most of it, your baby is older now, it’s just a couple days and your uncle in law clearly hasn’t been able to be at the other family gatherings. But none of us will know the whole story so we can’t make helpful suggestions for your specific situation.

I don’t think you’d be wrong to ask him to stay home and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to go. But at the end of the day, his primary responsibility is his wife and kids so if you aren’t coping, just tell him you need him to stay home.

My question was how long are you postpartum...not how long does it take to recover I know I wasn't recovered at 12 weeks when I had to go back to full time work doctor laughed at idea I was postpartum. Everyone went back full time between 3 and 6 months then so no choice as money ran out.
I've said sister is milking it, unless there is an underlying reason. But many mothers have to cope when dads return to working away much sooner.

You can survive having a mediocre to sh*t solo week-end. Plan an outing a day and maybe meet a mum-friend on those occasions too. There is no redo for missed family celebrations. Give him your blessing.

Let your husbabd go im sure you will cope as a single mum of 4 i had to cope plus it is only two nights

OMG!
THREE family events for a 50th birthday!
That is just crazy!
Why?? Just why??

What is your dh promising op? Cooking meals and leaving them for you? Giving you the night off for two nights when he gets back? Or if breastfeeding doing all overnight nappy changes and walking the baby? I hope he’s putting thought into how you will cope, because if he’s not I’d ask him why that’s not top of his list and suggest I walk out right now and see how well he goes on his own.

If I were your husband I wouldn’t dream of going. Chickenpox is a killer if people are immunocompromised and how can he possibly know he’s not carrying it?

I don’t think many parents take toddlers with chicken pox out and about? Even just once a day…
which is a good point. You can’t really take the toddler to the shops etc- he needs to leave you fully stocked with food to last until he’s back and any medicinal requirements too. Not just leaving a cooked meal.
thinking about it I would definitely say I’m only ok with supporting him going away for one night.

Your SIL really does think the moon and stars revolve around her.

9 days in Turkey. A meal out. A weekend away.

What happened to a meal out and a present for your 50th?

YABU. It will be a tough weekend but you'll get through it. As long as your DH would do the same for you if it was yoir family I can't see a problem with him going. Don't make him feel bad about it. That sort of think over time ruins relationships.

Obviously your husband wants to celebrate some more and that's his priority.
Your sil can have as many dos as she wants it's your DH who is choosing to prioritise it over chickenpox in the household.
If it was your sil on your side of the family would you go and leave DH with the kids or would DH be happy for you to do so?

Could you cope? Probably. Would it be difficult? Definitely.
I think the family are being unreasonable putting pressure on him to go, especially when you've just got back from a 10 day holiday celebrating her birthday!
I don't think he should go - or maybe compromise and go for one night (so he's there fir whenever the main celebration is)