Husband to go on a trip with his family without me and the kids

[Mummymember]

Just wanted opinions on this matter,
My sister in law turns 50th this weekend. We are going to UK Peak District this weekend to celebrate. We have all paid to stay in a big house together. My husband and i were bringing iur 2 year old and 4 month old with us.

My two year old has now got chickenpox and we are supposed to be going tomorrow, he is well in himself at the moment but we cannot tale him with us as my husbands uncle is undergoing chemotherapy and cannot be around infectious people which is understandle and he would still like to go on the trip. My husband still wants to go which means i would need to stay at home with the kids for two nights alone. Whats everyones thoughts on this? Should he be staying with us? My youngest is 4 months old and im still finding it quite chaotic at home with a 4 month old and 2 year old and im worried my baby is going to catch chickenpox off his brother or if my toddler gets poorly with chickenpox. My mother is also out of town that weekend so id have no support whilst my husband is gone.
He is very close with his sister so i get him
not wanting to miss it however we have just all got back from A holiday in turkey to celebrate his sisters 50th also. She arranged this UK trip as this is when her actual birthday falls on
need advice please!

It's just 2 nights and it's only chickenpox.

How would you cope on your own in an actual emergency?

I would want him to go. Tell him to have a great time. I think it would be very silly for him to miss out just in case one of your kids starts to feel ill and even if they did and things became so difficult you couldn’t manage on you own he is only 3 hours away. I’m really surprised at how many posters think he should stay at home with you. Even suggesting he only go for one night not two seems really silly and massively overcautious.

Id suggest he double check with his Uncle though

Same here. My children were 5, 2 and four months and the 2 year old was really poorly.

OP's DH's family are being unreasonable to put pressure on him to attend, particularly as they have only just returned from a week long celebration in Turkey.

I’d first double check the uncle is still happy for your dh to attend.
Then I’d compromise to one night away with him checking in regularly.

You are completely justified in wanting him to stay home. You recently gave birth, have a baby and a young child. It’s not wrong of you to want your husband to step up and support his family.
i wonder how your dh would feel if shoe was on the other foot??
He will likely be resentful if you don’t suck this up so I would try for a compromise of of one night

Oh what a shitty situation. As your 2 year old is well in himself right now, I’d be inclined to ‘let’ DH go but on the understanding that he comes straight back if things deteriorate.
As others have said, I’d be worried about the uncle but then if he can’t be around infectious people, I’m surprised he was willing to spend the weekend with young children anyway.
So yeah, if your 2 year old seems ok, I’d just suck it up I think. I’d make sure that DH does a shop etc first and whatever else would make your weekend easier for you.

Of course he should go.

I heard you the first time @JuicySmoochy!!!
Only joking! 😁

I find it quite amazing that somebody feels the necessity to have TWO family holidays to celebrate a birthday!

I think if your H's family are pressurising him to attend this second one when they know he has a sick child then they are very selfish self centered people.

No matter how close he is to this sister you are his wife and you and the welfare of his children should come first.

And that's apart from the chances of him infecting other family members if he is contagious.

You should have put that you'd all just got back from Turkey at the top of your post. Some will have missed that and I bet it changes their replies.

Wow I really hope this man has been willing to put in 100% effort to give you some great memories!!

Every family is different. In our family, DH would go and I'd manage. He would acknowledge that I'd got the shittier end of that particular stick, and would do his best to give me some time to myself, or some other way to make it up to me when he got back.

Seek advice from Uncle's medical team as to whether any of your household should be attending the event with him.
The other guests, having just been in Turkey with you, could also be carrying the Chickenpox.
Did your son catch them in Turkey?

If Uncle is fine with your DH going, then he should attend.
Maybe your husband will go for one night then swap with you while you and the baby have a night away from the Chickenpox?

Yes I think this is an excellent point.

Don’t you think her tone would be different if he wasn’t? Why do you feel the need to jump down the throat of a random man ffs.

He should stop being selfish and stay and help look after the newborn and sick toddler. A birthday isn’t an important event eg wedding. I also wouldn’t have paid money to spend a holiday with the in laws.

I would be telling him to go, let alone 'allowing' him to.

If you have only just back from a holiday with SIL etc could anyone else meeting up with the uncle be harbouring chicken pox

TBH if a member of my family was undergoing chemo and someone turned up who had been in contact with chickenpox we'd be straight out of the door and back home. The biggest potential loser here isn't the OP or her DH, it's the person with cancer.

I'd be fine with him going but would expect him to drive home if the baby becomes ill too.

As your husbands uncle is presently undergoing chemotherapy I think you, your husband and both children should stay home…….you will all be carriers, whether you’ve had chickenpox or not and the uncle could still succumb.

I'd probably say to DH to go but be ready to return if needed.

My DS had chicken pox at 3m old. I was bf him. He got about 10 tiny spots that looked like insect bites and I didn't even realise it was CP until he passed it on. Hopefully if your baby does get it, it will be very mild.

I would expect my DH to still go, in fact I would tell him to. With the caveat that he knows if I call him to come home, he needs to drop everything and come home (I wouldn’t do it lightly, only if toddler or baby suddenly became really ill)

I had a trip planned abroad with a friend for 3 nights. Eldest got chickenpox the week before. Youngest was clear before I left.

Youngest started getting poorly while I was away, but DH was fine. By time I got home I took over and gave him a break.

Although good point - your DH should check with his uncle on this point!!