Husband to go on a trip with his family without me and the kids

[Mummymember]

Just wanted opinions on this matter,
My sister in law turns 50th this weekend. We are going to UK Peak District this weekend to celebrate. We have all paid to stay in a big house together. My husband and i were bringing iur 2 year old and 4 month old with us.

My two year old has now got chickenpox and we are supposed to be going tomorrow, he is well in himself at the moment but we cannot tale him with us as my husbands uncle is undergoing chemotherapy and cannot be around infectious people which is understandle and he would still like to go on the trip. My husband still wants to go which means i would need to stay at home with the kids for two nights alone. Whats everyones thoughts on this? Should he be staying with us? My youngest is 4 months old and im still finding it quite chaotic at home with a 4 month old and 2 year old and im worried my baby is going to catch chickenpox off his brother or if my toddler gets poorly with chickenpox. My mother is also out of town that weekend so id have no support whilst my husband is gone.
He is very close with his sister so i get him
not wanting to miss it however we have just all got back from A holiday in turkey to celebrate his sisters 50th also. She arranged this UK trip as this is when her actual birthday falls on
need advice please!

We never had back up support either but I would be saying he should go. It's very unfortunate but these things do happen. Do you have a friend or friends that could call even just for some company? It's unlikely that 4m will get it so quickly, usually up to a week or two passes between one and the next.
I've never heard of what a pp says about your dh carrying it even if he's had it, surely we'd all know that as we'd be asked to take care with going out the way infectious children are? Id be very surprised if this is the case I'd say off you go, and, you owe me one!

I'd also expect him to be checking in regularly and if things get v difficult I'd expect him to offer to come home without any issue.

Thanks for your responses. The Peak District is 3 hours from us. I feel bad him missing it but we did spend a week away with his family in Turkey which was also his sisters 50th which we have just got back from. They are putting the pressure on him to still go so he feels guilty if he doesnt.
my baby is breastfed so my husband taking her with him is not an option. I am 15 weeks postpartum so i am still quite worried about my newborn catching it and husband not being around if anything happens overnight. I guess im just being a typical worrying mum and thinking worse case scenario. I think i will speak to him about attending for 1 night.

I agree. In fact, I think trying to make him cancel would be quite mean.

Not ludicrous at all. He has two small children and a wife who recently gave birth and has already celebrated his sisters birthdays with an entire week long holiday. Ludicrous to call it ludicrous that his wife and children might eh important here.

Of course he should go. Unless there’s a backstory about your health or something.

Not true if they are miserable and upset, not sleeping and you’re trying to make sure they get fluids regularly and don’t scratch and to ease the itching, and you can’t get the baby to sleep because the toddler won’t give you 15 mins alone to do that. Not true lots of the time and with lots of dc. I have one who will be quietly miserable but very sad, one normal child who gets sick and needs lots of care sometimes, and one who believes it’s the worst thing in the world and he’s going to die if he feels unwell and everyone must know about it all day and all night long and couldn’t be sick neatly in a bucket if he tried and you were holding it. I have regularly been up all night with sick dc because they aren’t easy to manage at all, and they don’t understand letting you get a baby to sleep. Bizarre conclusion to come to really. ‘Oh sick toddlers are easy’ said no one ever in my experience?

Another one saying compromise here. He can go for the one night. I had 3 under 4 and mine went to a 3 day football thing in Spain when twins were 8 weeks and one was poorly. We all survived and it was one of DH’s best ever memories.

My only worry would be for the person undergoing chemo. I wouldn't go if anyone in the house had something infectious. At least get him to talk to them first.

For goodness sake make sure his uncle knows he will be there having left a kid with chickenpox at home, it will probably mean he will stay away but hey, let’s not ruin your DH’s trip!

DH shouldn’t go. My own now departed DM got chicken pox when she was immunocompromised and we nearly lost her and it was horrible.

There is nothing much like being greeted first thing in the morning when you go onto the ward with the nurses saying “we fought hard for your Mum’s life last night”. She went into full rigor (rigor mortis without the mortis) for a full week. Every muscle just locked up. And she was in our major hospital for a month before she was released to our local (from where she never came home but that was more the brain tumour). From chicken pox.

DH shouldn’t go.

This. He himself could infect his uncle.

Also honestly I wouldn't leave him to it in these circs and wouldn't want to be left either. The baby could.catch chickenpox too or the parent could get shingles.
I got it on my optic nerve and wouldn't want that and a 4m old!

This, but the starting point as you say would be go.

He shouldn’t go. Sorry but I caught chickenpox when pregnant and it had to have been from chatting to a parent of a child with chicken pox (I had zero contact with the child).

Presumably your husband has been interacting with his child, and could have contracted the virus himself.
Why he is still intending to go, when he knows full well there's a very sick relative there, is beyond me.

I wouldn’t want him to go either.

Wouldn’t he still be a risk to the uncle undergoing chemo?

Also I’d be concerned about raising the chances of baby catching by increased contact with your 4’yesr old. If DH stayed he
he could look after your eldest while you carry on caring for baby. .

Is there any risk your husband could be infectious with chickenpox too? My mum caught it off me when I had it, even though she'd had it as a child.
Be aware that chickenpox can also be transmitted through airborne particles so make sure your house is well ventilated to minimise risk to baby. And try and keep toddler in separate rooms from the baby as much as possible, or spend time outdoors to minimise risk, especially if you can keep baby in a bassinet pram out of toddler's reach.

I would book an Airbnb near them so DH can join in but still come be with you and the children.

Did your toddler have the VZV vaccine with their routine vaccinations?

It's only chickenpox and its only 2 nights.

You'll manage fine without your DH.

Young children tend not to get too ill with chickenpox. I caught it at 29 along with my 3 DC who were 10 months, 3 and 6.
They were barely ill at all, but I felt like I was at death’s door!

I don’t see why your DH shouldn’t go to his sister’s do just for two days.

The amount of people that can’t manage their kids for longer than five minutes on their own is astonishing.

I'd want my DH to stay home with me in your circumstances to help with the children, especially given your follow up post that this is a second celebration for SIL. I'd also be worried about passing germs on to the uncle.

My dc were 6, 3 and a newborn when they all got chickenpox. The 6 year old was really unwell with it and I wouldn't have managed alone. It's not always a mild illness

I had a 2 yr old and 5m old who developed chicken pox at the same time whilst husband was working away. It was busy but manageable. The 5 month old was exclusively breastfed and coped much better than the 2 year old. My GP reviewed 5m old as I was concerned regarding his age however all was well. Chicken pox is infectious a few days before symptoms appear so baby may have already been exposed however breastfeeding can help provide antibodies to protect baby of you have already had chicken pox yourself. Has your husband had chicken pox himself before? It may be best to sit this trip out to give you support if you feel you need it.

I had a young baby when my older one had chicken pox. Not going to lie, it was grim AF. The older one was so ill he ended up in hospital and the baby got it, although not badly, and was feverish and fretful for a few days. My husband was away on a work trip. Having to soothe the older one, who was in constant pain, while also cluster-feeding and caring for the baby, was one of the worst experiences of my life. When you haven't slept for 3 nights and you're listening to both your children screaming their heads off... It's a very particular type of agony. Having said that, most children don't get it so badly, mine had an allergic reaction to the spots which covered his whole body in a rash and sent his temperature spiking.

Of course he should go. I was back at work full time at three months so I don’t understand all this hand wringing about a new born I’m afraid. You’re an adult and will be fine.