DP and holiday with DS

[namesareannoying]

I'm a single parent to a 9 year old DS and have been dating a man for the last 8 months. We are around the same age although he has no DC yet but said he is open to them in the future. I introduced him to DS about 3 months ago and we have had some days out together, which DS really enjoyed. I've suggested we book a summer holiday together the 3 of us and after a lot of back and forth DP has said he doesn't want to go away with DS for now or if so, only for a night or two and he will do a separate solo summer trip. I probed him about why and he said he finds being around him DS lovely but a bit exhausting and he doesn't feel he wants to spend his only summer break catering to DS and child friendly activities. DS has autism so requires some extra attentiveness and accomodations when going out but is a total sweetheart. I love this man and am devastated/ don't know how to reply about not wanting to away with DS and I. Is this a sign I should break it off? I feel by now he should be ready to accept DS and I as a package

You still can’t explain how it is at all in your child’s best interests to be meeting & taking trips with a man you’ve been dating for only 8 months- it’s not in his best interest, it’s just what you want and what works best for you- own it!

I’ve got absolutely nothing against single mothers, some of my best friends are single mothers, none of them are arranging family trips with someone they’ve been seeing 8 months though, they are all amazing parents who put their children first. Possibly a really difficult concept for you to grasp though, clearly.

All you have to do is read my posts to see that's not true. I'm refusing to "agree" with the posters saying I should not date ever, because I don't agree. I've responded and thanked many people who have suggested slowing down, wait a few years even for a trip away etc etc, there's just a few of you that want to paint me in a certain light even by saying I'm refusing to engage with anyone who doesn't agree with me. You're frustrated that I don't "get it" responding to a poster who was making up I bring every man I fancy home for dinner. Pure fantasy! It's bizarre and frustrating. I'm sorry it's frustrating you that I'm not just agreeing to these made up things.

Omg I've already said I was wrong about the trip! I get it! What I refuse to accept is that by meeting and socialising with anyone it's against my son's interests because you can't explain how my son being present when I socialise with friends is any different to when you do because you're married.

they are all amazing parents who put their children first. Possibly a really difficult concept for you to grasp though, clearly.
What's wrong with you to say such a horrible thing? You clearly are so unhappy as something in your life to be so so nasty to another woman and mother. Really showing yourself up.

@namesareannoying I think people are not being fair to you and it’s just a pile on.

Have you managed to book something with your dp for a few days? Just take baby steps. You need to be happy too or your child will feel it too. There’s a balance. I do think being a single mum sometimes is usually a stick people use to beat you with. I often get this from my own family! You do need a romantic life and a social life … otherwise it’s a very lonely and solitary life.

Thank you X I've asked MN to take the thread down because the comments that I'm a bad parent or worse can't even grasp the concept of a parent putting their child first are just really hurtful especially when I know how much I do and fight for my son and that he's my everything. Thank you for understanding though, I don't think some PP truly understand what they're asking of people. Lone parenthood is very lonely as day to day you have no other adult to just chit chat with even. The suggestion that even having friends or people in my life is endangering my son is crazy.

We have had a good chat about it all. DS and I will do a summer holiday but we are going to do an overnight break all together (with DP in a separate room before anyone asks, I wasn't ever planning on the three of us sharing a hotel room) where we can go explore and do some lovely walks in nature. We had a long chat about it all and the reminders from other posters that other people's children are A LOT was really helpful to remember.

@namesareannoying thanks for the update and happy to chat and support if you want to message me.
It sounds like a sensible plan is in place, I hope you all have a lovely time! x

What an earth has drinking around your child got to do with my response?

Just that I didn't want to take your opinion on board and didn't engage you with you while you agree with PP that I'm a bad mum for not putting my kids interests 100% first when your posting history indicates your drinking issues as a lone parent to a SEN child, something I would never do and I think it's a bit rich for you to lecture me about being selfish about my interests when consuming alcohol is selfish and not beneficial to your child at all yet you're on a high horse agreeing with PP slagging me off for daring to think I might be entitled to socialise and date while balancing it with my DS needs and still putting him first. As suspected most posters being mean are projecting something onto me probably caused by their own issues.

I never called you selfish. You asked for my opinions. Mine is that it much too early to do a holiday, as even with a longer period it would always be difficult. I was giving you my opinion as a parent in a similar situation.

Being a line parent to an SEN child is hard. And not fair. It has complicated things for me and DP. We nearly split up over it.

I do drink when my children are around. I grew up in a European country where this is totally normal (wine with dinner). I’m not doing tequila shots! My dc are now older than yours, which makes a difference. I think the pervious posting you refer to are in relation to a time when one dc was out of school for 18months, I was going through an educational tribunal and challenging behaviour (including violence towards me). So yes I drank wine in the evenings sometimes.

Honestly, OP, let it go. Pick it all back in ten years when your DS is a young adult and you will have way more freedom.

Oh come on that’s ridiculous! It’s not beneficial to mother and child to make their world so small!

Kindly, OP, this.

It’ll take time, especially as DC has more intense behaviour. DP is just not used to it, or kids full time in general

It sounds like he communicated that well? Obviously time will tell ultimately. Let it breathe, let it grow.