I’m really going to fall out with my brother over a family holiday

[WanderBug16]

I am 26. My brother is 25.

Last year, my dad and I went to a formula one race together. He loved it and we booked tickets to Monza in September. The holiday grew from just being my dad and I to my family - mum, dad, me and brother. This was my parent’s idea and they very kindly offered to pay (which we accepted, obviously 😂)

Over the last 9 months, since booking the tickets, my dad has faced multiple health problems and it’s been uncertain whether he was able to go. The first time this came up it was agreed that no matter what, my brother and I would go on the trip - on the understanding that he came with me to the F1. This was the only condition my parents placed on it and at that time, my brother was fine with it.

My mum is now facing being unable to fly due to a potentially torn retina. Obviously the same discussion has happened again and the same agreement has been reached. No matter what, my brother and I will be going.

He’s now being a brat about the entire thing. Saying he refuses to go to the F1, saying he’ll only go if I pay for everything while he’s there, and just generally kicking off a bit. I want to shake him and get it through his head that he would be getting an entirely free trip to Italy on the basis of him spending two afternoons at a race track. I’d happily go alone but I don’t think my parents would be okay with that, and on this short notice I can’t afford to pay for the entire trip myself and hope for the best.

I’m just venting, really, and a bit pissed off that he’s being this spoilt over a free holiday! We’re so incredibly lucky and fortunate that our parents have said we should still go, instead of cancelling it all.

I actually thought you were much younger when scanning through. By 26 I was married and had immigrated overseas. My parents had no idea what I was doing any day of the week and were totally fine because I was an adult. You sound so, so much younger than 26.

Good reminder for me to loosen up with my kids! They are 12 and 9 and appear to have more freedom than you do already though.

Why doesn't he just do something else on the F1 days? Your parents don't need to know.

It sounds like you don't want to go to the F1 alone.

I’m not overly keen on going alone - it would be really shit.

Yes, millions of kids doing a year abroad at 19 and living alone in a foreign country.

But even if he does go, it sounds like he would be sullen and resentful company, which would be equally shit?

Could you ask your parents if DB's tickets could be transferred to a friend?

Okay? That’s immaterial to my situation.

And he’s not overly keen on going. Why do your wants trump his?

But your db doesn't want go with you, and your wants aren't more important than his. So you can go alone, not go, or find someone who wants to go.

You are a adult, not even a particularly young adult. This is a situation you can work out.

I agree with a pp, it sounds like you still think you're a kid who needs to be looked after. I promise, it's liberating to realize you're an independent adult.

I’m the one who does everything for the family so frankly, he should suck it up for two fucking days!

Because I do everything so he can go to work?

Because she’s the golden child

Do you not have any friends? Ask one of them.

Also, going alone would be exactly as shit as you choose to make it. For most people, it would be great fun. And, from the things you’re saying on this thread, traveling alone would actually be good for you.

You choose to do that.

Honestly it just sounds like you’re pissed off that he isn’t doing exactly what you want him to do.

No, you do the things you do because it’s a choice you’ve made. It’s not a favour you’re doing to him. He doesn’t owe you his time or money because of it.

You are sounding extremely immature and entitled, OP. Multiple people have told you this, but it’s clearly not penetrating. So, what are you hoping to gain from this thread?

100%. It’s interesting that she’s so insistent that he is the brat. Zero self awareness.

You’ve already said in your OP that you’re going to fall out with your brother over this, so your mind is made up. Were you just looking for validation of that choice from this thread?
What’s going to happen to the trips you mentioned you’ve booked with him in the future now you’ve fallen out with him? Have you got someone else who can take his place?

I do fucking everything. Appointments, look after them when they’re sick, cleaning the house while he does nothing. So yeah, I’d say he’s the brat.

No my brother is just a cunt

No that's you doing things for your parents, which is your choice. You aren't doing anything for your brother.

But he doesn't have to. He gets to choose his actions, you get to choose yours. Getting angry about wanting to control him will only make you unhappy.

You feel entitled to this, but you aren't entitled, and it's your belief that you should get your own way that's making you upset.

Well as you’ve decided to fall out with him you don’t have to put up with him anymore, so problem solved I guess! Hope your parents get their money back on the trip.

Why do you even want to go with him if you think he is a cunt?

Why do you do so much for your parents? They're adults, they can go to hospital appointments by themselves and they can clean their own house.

As others have said, you are choosing this life. Your brother clearly is not. And that's ok

This is a separate issue to the holiday. If you feel like your parent's care is impacting your life, that's definitely something to talk with your parents about. Could they hire a cleaner or carer instead?

It sounds like you currently live with them, you may find it's easier to have a boundary if you live independently.

You sound very pathetic and tiresome OP. You remind me of my narc mother, the martyr cunt on a cross.

You CHOOSE to do what you do for your parents.

You CHOOSE to let your parents manipulate you - saying that London is like a third world country? You do realise that using the term 'third world' is highly offensive, right?

You DON'T GET TO CHOOSE what your brother does:

with HIS time
with HIS money
with HIS job

Your brother DOESN'T OWE YOU anything for the CHOICES YOU MAKE.

You are 26. Time to grow the fuck up.