45 and still lives in the house he grew up in with his parents, but he objects to me smoking

[WildflowerGardens]

So I had a first date with a man, 45, who it turns out still lives in the house he grew up in, with his parents. He has never moved out despite having a good job and no illnesses.

I left home when I was 18 to go to university, and since then have rented with friends or partners.

I was going to let it slide as he seemed like a nice man, but after our date he was texting regarding meeting again and then texted “By the way, do you plan to give up smoking?”

During our date I had had one cigarette in three hours, which I had well away from him and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards.

is it reasonable of him to ask me to give up smoking after one date? And should I be perturbed that he lives at home at 45, never having left?

Goodbye then run for the hills.
I'm embarrassed at the thought of a 45 year old living at home still. This current generation maybe I get it but not anyone under the age of 30.

This.

Also, you can never get rid of the smell of smoke. Smokers think you can hide it but you really can't.

Am I the only person on this thread who thinks smokers (not vapers though) are cool 😎 I'd totally date a smoker - it's hot

Ugh. Throw him back.

I think he is has some audacity to be mentioning your smoking when he has never moved out at the ripe age of 45! He sounds like a total loser.

If you are a FT smoker and he hates smoking... it's a non starter really.

Why would you even consider seeing this creep again?

I'd have got up and walked out the moment he mentioned "the view" and wearing a bikini round the house. Awful.

Sounds like a catch!

Well it's difficult to think any one would want to know a smoker or get close to one its so smelly , l wish you well you might find another smoker to be with some chaps do still smoke only a suggestion

I would date a smoker a million times over someone of fully fledged adult age who lives with their parents.

One if an unhealthy and somewhat unpleasant (to some) habit.

The other is a lifestyle choice that in most circumstances signifies not being able to get one's shit together.

My last relationship was with a 45 year old woman who lived with her parents. It was an absolute fucking nightmare and never again!

Maybe he can afford fancy tickets because he lives at home with his mum and dad.
I'm getting Norman Bates vibes.

My mum smoked for her whole life, and my dad smoked until I was about 14 - and I can tell you there is absolutely nothing cool about living with smokers, @XelaM. The constant smell of cigarette smoke in my hair and clothes - even when I was a baby - not cool. The yellow nicotine stains on the ceilings and walls and even mum’s fingers - not cool. Feeling carsick on every car ride because mum smoked in the car, and even refused to stop when I told her it made me ill - not cool. Knowing mum smoked in bed, and sometimes fell asleep smoking - bloody terrifying because she lived alone (dad died in 2000). Knowing she died of heart failure and had extensive lung cancer due to smoking - not cool.

He didn’t ask you to give up smoking.

He asked you if you plan to give up smoking.

It is a sensitive subject for some which is understandable, but at least everyone knows where they stand from the beginning.

You won’t realise this, because you smoke, that some smokers literally smell of road tar. I’m an ex-smoker, and not judging. It’s just an illustration of how horrible it can be for non-smokers.

Well they are two separate issues really. He obviously isn't keen on dating a smoker, absolutely fine. You aren't keen on dating a man who still lives at home at 45 , also fine. There's a compatibility issue .Back to the dating pool.

You're both figuring out if you're willing to compromise on something - him, on you smoking. You, on him never having moved out.

It's not going to work out. He doesn't like you smoking and you want a relationship with a grown man, not a manchild who has never achieved basic independence.

I rarely use OLD but have always had ‘smoker’ ticked even when I just had an odd one or none for a few years as after I realised I never updated it (sadly irrelevant now!) . Tbh folk don’t read this or maybe think you won’t do it once you’ve met their amazing selves. I’ve had messages from people who can’t abide smoking according to their profile - I mean this isn’t the only thing they ignore - maybe they don’t read. I have plenty of messages saying how lovely my profile write up is - it just isn’t, it has a very short sentence and that’s it.
I definitely wouldn’t want to be advised how to adjust myself to suit them. Yes everyone should stop smoking, but realistically it’s not going to happen on someone else’s timeline after a random date.
Oh and never living alone at 45 - rather a big red flag imo too.
Try, try, try again.

It was one date!

You do something he doesn't like. He does something you didn't like.

Don't see each other again.

The End.

Smoking is pretty disgusting.

Maybe he just doesn't want to end up with a woman who has a tracheotomy or dies of small cell carcinoma of the lungs?

Tell him to jog on.

I’m in better health than him and have never had a problem with finding nonsmoking boyfriends in the past

I never smoke indoors, only outdoors and only a couple a day

This thread IS funny. OP first may I say good on you for the singles mixer. I wanted to go when I was single but too scared to go by myself.
Secondly you op can quit smoking if you want to but he will always be weird inappropriate tight and clueless (wear a bikini around the house…still watching teen movies from the 90’s?) the living with his parents seems to solidify this failure to thrive as an adult despite some posters seemingly having very normal bros who work from home in their parents house and are just fine.
In my family 5 or so much older relatives lived at home with their parents(all female= carer eventually) and altho they were wonderful great aunts they definetly had their futures compromised by not getting out of the parents house.

@cwmflahwbml and @JFDIYOLO summed it quite astutely and I second their advice

But why? Because it "feels good'? If we took the counterfactual of you who didn't smoke. Your lungs would be a lot better

Your update makes me suggest you throw this fish back. Ugh.

You aren’t suited. Move on

good luck with that (the health part).