Has anyone successfully recovered from infidelity with couple’s therapy?

[TreadingTrepidatious]

Infidelity was discovered within my marriage last night, and we have an appointment with a marriage counselor on the 24th (which feels like forever away!). Just wondering if it’s helped anyone to get their marriage back to a good place, and if you’d be willing to talk about the process. Thanks in advance

You can't be so opaque and disingenuous in your posts AND expect others to take you at your word OP.
Disagreement and scepticism aren't trolling.

"Where did you get “but I had to!” from?"

From all the posts where you talk about your spouse not meeting your needs, and your affair partner pursuing you, and how APs need to take some responsibility for married people cheating.

I do have a serious question for you. If your needs aren't met in an ENM situation, either by your spouse or by your other lovers, to the extent that you were unfaithful in the explicitly agreed terms of your marriage, and you love being an "accomplished seductress" so much - why are you married at all? What is the point?

I have never once been disingenuous here. I initially concealed who was the wrongdoer because I wanted to get answers to the question, not shit for cheating.

It’s got to be trolling when I’ve said at least 20 times that reasons are not the same as justifications and that I made the wrong choice. There’s no way you can legitimately read what I’ve written and get “but I had to!” You can’t “disagree” with what someone says is their own thoughts and beliefs about their own situation. (I mean you can, but it’s either stupid or literal gaslighting or both)

Somebody asked what happened and why I cheated. I gave them the reasons. I did have unmet needs, and AP did pursue me. I never gave any indication that I felt I that I “had to” or that I blame my husband for it or anybody/anything “made me.” Other people, like you, keep making shit up instead of actually reading to understand.

I do think APs are in the wrong and bear some of the blame for affairs/cheating, as they are complicit and enable it.

I could be monogamous with just my husband if that’s what he wanted. I love him to death, and it’s from him that I want my romantic, emotional, and sexual needs from. I want his desire and love and attention and connection… He also fathered my children, we’ve built a life together, and we enjoy all of the other legal benefits of marriage.

We will have to agree to disagree on the definition of "disingenuous", because "infidelity was discovered" is, to me, textbook disingenuous. Your reasons for doing it are understood, but if that's your opening statement you can't expect others not to feel sceptical about the other things you say.

You can’t “disagree” with what someone says is their own thoughts and beliefs about their own situation.

OP, posters are challenging your thought processes, beliefs, and rationalisations (not a criticism - we all rationalise, all the time). Others may disagree with your reasoning, question your logic, and indeed disapprove of your morals or ethics. That's not gaslighting. It's a function of different minds and points of view. It's what everyone gets when they post here.
Thanks for the answer about marriage, it makes sense.

I said in the beginning (though not the first post) that I intentionally wrote the OP to be ambiguous because it didn’t matter who cheated for the purposes of the question. I wasn’t even asking whether people thought couples counseling would help my situation specifically; I asked people if they’ve recovered from infidelity through couple’s counseling. (And I was right for doing so, too, because look what this thread turned into.) Imagine if we went around calling people “disingenuous” because they withheld irrelevant information. “You told me your dad got into a car accident and that’s why he’s in hospital. You didn’t tell me the car that hit his was blue! How disingenuous!” Like that’s ridiculous.

It’s perfectly reasonable to expect people to believe that what I write about my own situation, thoughts, and beliefs is true. Otherwise what even is the point in engaging? You could make up whatever you want and then accuse me of lying. “Your dad isn’t in hospital because he got into a car accident; he’s there because he got a remote stuck up his arse. And you’re not sad about it; you’re embarrassed.” It’s stupid. Don’t give me some BS about how you’re “challenging my thought processes, beliefs, and rationalizations” when all you’re doing is insisting that they’re something they’re not.

Like wtaf is wrong with you people that you feel the need to do that? Get some help

Nice. I tried to give you some gentle feedback, and to agree to disagree.

If you're this defensive and argumentative with your spouse, I think couples counselling is doomed and your spouse would be wise to cut their losses. But maybe you are a different person in real life.

Also, of course your role in the infidelity is relevant. Using your blue car analogy, irrelevant information would be,for example, whether the person you cheated with is from Swindon or Brighton.

It is irrelevant TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION which again, WASN’T ABOUT MY SITUATION SPECIFICALLY

I mean like, if that’s not evidence that you’re not fucking listening, I don’t know what is.

I would give up if I were you. Everyone else has!

Team Husband.

Yeah, I'm out. It's been a fun ride, but OP has jumped the shark now.

yep… good luck to him, he’s going to need it!