Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

😂

I think if the dh had been out from the beginning, had relationships with men and women , met the op fell in love etc then it wouldn't be an issue. He would more likely know what he wanted. This coming out now, announcing it in this way to their daughters first, wanting everyone to know straightaway doesn't sound like someone who has come to realise something about himself, but is very happy with life and has no intention of acting upon anything. She is right to feel concerned.

Someone's sexual history matters. If I knew my DH had slept with 500 women before me, I would lose attraction to him. Some other women wouldn't care, but I do. I've got the right to choose who I sleep with and anyone trying to pressure me into unwanted sex is a creepy rapist.

Because I found it shocking of course.

You're 'shocked' by people not wanting to have anal sex? How very odd and disturbing.

Maybe stop being so weirdly obsessed with other people's sex lives, and you might be happier?

I find it strange how some people cannot comprehend that a person would mind if their partner suddenly declared a bisexual interest. Whether they had explored that or not or intended to or not would weigh heavily on my mind as I’m sure a few PPs have already said. I fully understand having entered into a relationship knowing and accepting a persons sexual identity upfront and then choosing a commited relationship with that person but if my DH said that he now had a sexual interest in other men but then comforted me by telling me he was still committed to a monogamous relationship with me I would be asking myself a lot of questions not least of which ‘is he ever going to be satisfied not having experienced this other side of him?’

I just don’t believe this ends here and most likely is her husbands way of easing her into a new life with him either asking her to allow him to experiment or confessing that he has already or possibly hoping that she doesn’t accept this and leaves him because of it. I hope the OP comes back with an update, but it doesn’t look likely.

This isn’t about anyone not having the right to sleep with who they want to or don’t want to. No one has said or inferred they don’t.

It’s about (or at least many pages of this thread have been about) why bisexuality matters or doesn’t matter in a heterosexual relationship. You can do what ever you want with your relationships, but that’s about your own personal boundaries, not about bisexuality being inherently problematic in a relationship.

But this is the OP asking about her relationship. And it clearly matters to her as it does to a lot of PPs.

I have read this whole thread and I still haven’t found one persons response to convince me that my own personal feelings about this are wrong and I am being judgemental. We each have the explicit right to have a say with what we are prepared to tolerate within our own personal relationships. I think a lot of posters who are saying that it’s wrong are really meaning that it’s wrong for them and you can do what you like but if their husband came out as bisexual they wouldn’t be happy.

Just because it doesn’t matter to you doesn’t mean it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. Whatever floats your boat.

Yes, of course, but OP hasn’t returned and these types of threads then inevitably turn into a platform for general concept discussion as the replies move on.

It’s a fair thing to discuss, whether it involves a personal boundary or not, as it’s generally a healthy/interesting thing to consider why we make our decisions in life and what we base those decisions on. I think something having personally convinced you or not is a bit by the by.

P.S I don’t mean your opinion is by the by, I mean that I don’t think this is about trying to change anyone’s boundaries.

To the PP saying the anus only has one function to them and anything else is “repulsive” - you do realise that’s where men’s G spot is? Would you be happy with your DH saying he never wants to press your happy button..? Imagine a man saying that because women give birth, bleed and discharge that vaginas are “repulsive” and should only be for their one designed biological purpose.

What if your DH said he could never go down on you because “mouths have one function only, for me.”

You can think and feel what you like, and have whatever boundaries you wish. Of course you can. But the harsh reality is most of our body parts are multi-functional. That includes the anus, especially for men.

I’ve said this before and it never goes down well - but I have quite a few friends who are sex workers. Pegging is one of their most requested services by straight men for a reason.

Vaginas are designed for birth and sex.

The anus is definitely not designed for sex.

I'm reading some right shite on this thread.

If the male anus isn’t “designed” for sex why does it illicit such strong sexual satisfaction? Why is there a sexual pleasure button up there at all, if it is not completely natural? What is the purpose of this design?

I also noticed most of my bi friends that were in committed relationships with children always have a good looking gay crowd of friends, almost without exception, and were vety affectionate. There is usually a very handsome best friend too.

God forbid any of us have beautiful friends.

From what I've read on this thread, plenty of posters have said and inferred that actually we don't have the right to not sleep with someone - or at the very least we are homophobic, biphobic or whatever else if we don't want to sleep with someone.

Lots of posters have been criticised for saying they'd lose attraction to their husbands if they came out as bisexual. That criticism is saying their sexual attraction is a problem and should be ignored.

If the male anus isn’t “designed” for sex why does it illicit such strong sexual satisfaction? Why is there a sexual pleasure button up there at all, if it is not completely natural? What is the purpose of this design?

It's the prostate. Its function is to produce the fluid for semen.

No, I don’t ask what its purpose was in general. I asked what is the purpose in it being so distinctly pleasurable while being accessed via the anus.

If you aren’t meant to press on it, why does it feel so good? Isn’t pleasure locked in as part of the intimate, beautiful and natural design of sex ?

Good golly OP. I hope you are reading this…

Men want to have their anal buttons pressed so it’s ok for him to pursue a relationship with another man if he so wishes to in the future.

It is quite possible to be bisexual and monogamous.

When did I say that?? I simply said by design it is natural, when another PP said anal sex is “repulsive” and the anus only had one function.

God you lot do like to twist words don’t you.

You’re taking this off on a bit of a tangent aren’t you?

There’s always some …! I haven’t read the midsection to be fair.

I think with him announcing it now is likely because he looking at pursuing a extra-martial relationship with a man.

But it is entirely possible to be bisexual and be monogamous.

I also think that people saying that they would suddenly lose interest in their partners if they expressed same-sex attraction is homophobia/biphobia just that people are unwilling to admit it and don't want to be labelled as such.

I also think that people saying that they would suddenly lose interest in their partners if they expressed same-sex attraction is homophobia/biphobia just that people are unwilling to admit it and don't want to be labelled as such., it doesn't.

You can think that but it just isn't true.