Page 25 | Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

Uberella · 2025-07-16T00:35:26+00:00

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken. He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man. Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends. I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it. I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning. I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

ThatCyanCat · 16/07/2025 17:06

WhatterySquash · 16/07/2025 17:03

That assumes all bi men wish to be penetrated by a man - I hadn't assumed that at all. They could just as well be into doing the penetrating.

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It assumes all manner of shite.

SnoopyPajamas · 16/07/2025 17:06

Pluvia · 16/07/2025 16:56

I certainly don't. The OP's DH's behaviour is setting off a lot of red flags for me. I've already warned her to get her ducks in a row. If he isn't already on Grindr he soon will be. The thrill and excitement will be too much.

I think he's going to come out as a crossdresser/ trans. He's forewarning everyone of changes. There'd be no point in him telling anyone if this was just about an interest in men that he didn't intend to act on. Who cares? But if he's planning to turn out in a skirt and heels and lipstick, he needs to prepare the way.

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My AGP alarm bells are ringing too. The minute OP said "we have two lesbian daughters" they started clanging like mad.

I second the people who say to get tested ASAP, and search for any evidence of cheating or fetish. Sorry, OP.

Sending hugs.

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:16

Beachtastic · 16/07/2025 15:44

Oh, I'd have no problem with him "seeing the beauty" in anyone, male or female. But being bi or gay means sexual attraction to the same sex. Him fancying another bloke would be a turn-off for me, and that's all there is to it. You are asking me to explain it in ideological terms, which is ridiculous.

You obviously think it is fine, even necessary, to impose moral/political standards and expectations about what people "ought" to feel. I don't.

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I don't, I just get confused when women who have sex with men are repulsed by other men having the same thoughts. If it doesn't repulse you to sleep with a man, I'm not sure what exactly IS disgusting about another man thinking the same thoughts.

ArtTheClown · 16/07/2025 17:17

I don't, I just get confused when women who have sex with men are repulsed by other men having the same thoughts. If it doesn't repulse you to sleep with a man, I'm not sure what exactly IS disgusting about another man thinking the same thoughts.

Why assume it's disgust? It's preference. It's okay as a gay/staight person to want a partner who is also a gay/straight person.

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:18

Ontheedgeofit · 16/07/2025 16:03

How about this for some psychology…

Maybe the reason why we don’t want bi spouses is because then the competition pool is twice the size? At the moment I only have to worry about women and you’re telling me I should worry about other men too?

ps I am joking. My DH is a straight good honest male who has never given me reason to worry.

and if he's bi he'd still be those things, so no reason to even worry!

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:19

ArtTheClown · 16/07/2025 17:17

I don't, I just get confused when women who have sex with men are repulsed by other men having the same thoughts. If it doesn't repulse you to sleep with a man, I'm not sure what exactly IS disgusting about another man thinking the same thoughts.

Why assume it's disgust? It's preference. It's okay as a gay/staight person to want a partner who is also a gay/straight person.

Because the poster literally had responded saying it would disgust them.

TheCandidSquid · 16/07/2025 17:22

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:19

Because the poster literally had responded saying it would disgust them.

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Exactly! I don't vision men doing certain things to me the way men do to men

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:22

ThatCyanCat · 16/07/2025 17:06

It assumes all manner of shite.

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Mostly spouted by some on here. The entitlement of the bi people on here demanding that straight women bide by their rules is eye opening and doesn’t make me, a straight woman, feel at all bad for only ever wanting straight men. If the entitlement on here is indicative of bi people in general then it’s a hard no from me on the relationship front.

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:23

selfrespecthaver · 16/07/2025 16:29

It's just subconscious misogyny lol. Deep down they think being penetrated is degrading and something that should only be done to the submissive partner in the relationship (the woman), ergo a man who desires to be penetrated is unmanly and wouldn't be able to dominate them properly :P

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I didn't want to say it... but yeah

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:23

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:22

Mostly spouted by some on here. The entitlement of the bi people on here demanding that straight women bide by their rules is eye opening and doesn’t make me, a straight woman, feel at all bad for only ever wanting straight men. If the entitlement on here is indicative of bi people in general then it’s a hard no from me on the relationship front.

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I think the 'biding by their rules' is just asking for basic human decency and acceptance for who they are, but OK...

MissDoubleU · 16/07/2025 17:24

selfrespecthaver · 16/07/2025 16:29

It's just subconscious misogyny lol. Deep down they think being penetrated is degrading and something that should only be done to the submissive partner in the relationship (the woman), ergo a man who desires to be penetrated is unmanly and wouldn't be able to dominate them properly :P

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Exactly this. Proven by the PP who replied to me saying she likes an “alpha” male. As if that’s a real thing and not a hilariously stupid hypothesis that was disproven in wolves and even more so in men.

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:25

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:23

I think the 'biding by their rules' is just asking for basic human decency and acceptance for who they are, but OK...

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Straight women have been almost vilified for not wanting a relationship with a bi man. They’ve been called names and accused of bigotry. So yes I think there is some entitlement going on here.

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2025 17:25

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:19

Because the poster literally had responded saying it would disgust them.

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The op hasn’t said this. They are sad. The op has every right to be unhappy and to not accept the new situation. Women have the right to be in a relationship they agree with.

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:27

Frostiesflakes · 16/07/2025 16:41

If my husband of 20 years told me he was bi we would be in the divorce courts so quick he wouldn’t have time to find a dick to suck

Im not homophobic or biphobic or whatever word you want to call it
( my son and 2 of my nieces are gay and so are a large amount of my friends ) I couldn’t care less who sleeps with who and what there sexual preference is

Ive slept with women with my husband in our wild youth for fun -

I wouldn’t do it on my own without my husband - in my youth I did a lot of wild stuff but I wouldn’t want a relationship with a women or have sex with a woman unless my husband was joining us

but if he suddenly said actually I’ve been hiding a big part of me for the past 20years and I’m BI Sexual it would be over for me right there and then

I would probably crack up laughing because it would be completely insane for me to even think of my husband saying this because that’s not the man I know and married at all

I didn’t sign up to marriage all those years ago - to be with someone who wants to fuck other men - as well as me - other women maybe but other men - nope not happening in my bed or house

I’m perfectly entitled to say I only want to have relationships with straight men who are 6ft 4 and don’t smoke if that’s what turns me on
In the same way that a guy the same height as me I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to in the same way I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to a bi sexual male

So OP I get it - he isn’t the man you thought he was and he’s lied about your whole relationship
you don’t know him and you probably never will

Edited

Sexuality evolves for some, so you'll just throw away someone you love and has been devoted to you for 20 years just because you can't stomach it for something they can't help?

Where does that love go?

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:28

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2025 17:25

The op hasn’t said this. They are sad. The op has every right to be unhappy and to not accept the new situation. Women have the right to be in a relationship they agree with.

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It was literally said by a poster a few posts above mine.

Anotherparkingthread · 16/07/2025 17:29

Beachtastic · 16/07/2025 16:36

Honestly, who cares what it's rooted in (great choice of words BTW!)? Why are you obsessed with "getting to the bottom of this" (!!!), as though you can triumphantly pull out (!!!) some non-PC thinking that must be erased? Do you honestly think the rational mind governs sexual attraction?

For all we know, it could all boil down to just a biological instinct to prefer heterosexual men.

That doesn't mean we hate gay/bi men or find anything wrong with their own preferences, we just don't fancy them as our husbands.

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So you can't name a reason and you 'dont care' the reason. That sounds a lot like behaviour you can't rationally defend. You aren't angry at me. You're angry at being asked, when your arguments are weak and rooted in fear/disgust/homophobia/toxic masculinity.

Edit to add: quotation marks are usually reserved for quoting somebody else. I didn't every say I needed to get to the bottom of anything :)

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2025 17:29

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:25

Straight women have been almost vilified for not wanting a relationship with a bi man. They’ve been called names and accused of bigotry. So yes I think there is some entitlement going on here.

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Agree. Women’s rights to be in a relationship of their choice hadn’t been supported by some posters here. It’s a put up and shut up attitude which is against women’s wellbeing. The op hasn’t every right to be straight and not gay and to be in a relationship that matches being straight and not gay.

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:29

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:25

Straight women have been almost vilified for not wanting a relationship with a bi man. They’ve been called names and accused of bigotry. So yes I think there is some entitlement going on here.

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They've been called on their prejudice is all.

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2025 17:30

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:28

It was literally said by a poster a few posts above mine.

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Not in the op. I’m referring to the op.

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:31

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:16

I don't, I just get confused when women who have sex with men are repulsed by other men having the same thoughts. If it doesn't repulse you to sleep with a man, I'm not sure what exactly IS disgusting about another man thinking the same thoughts.

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So are you straight, bi, gay? Male/female? You may have said but there are a lot of posts now.

MissDoubleU · 16/07/2025 17:31

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:27

Sexuality evolves for some, so you'll just throw away someone you love and has been devoted to you for 20 years just because you can't stomach it for something they can't help?

Where does that love go?

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It seems that PP thinks it’s fine to sexually use other women (whom she would never engage in activity with alone) to pleasure her husband and fulfil his fantasies but would not be fine with her husband even having similar fantasies that place another man in the same position she has been ready and happy to place a lady.

Says a lot really.

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2025 17:33

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:29

They've been called on their prejudice is all.

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What rubbish. Straight women have rights as well. Your put up and shut up attitude is against women’s rights. I suppose you’re a gay man who hates women. This is based on the rubbish you’re writing.

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 17:35

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:27

Sexuality evolves for some, so you'll just throw away someone you love and has been devoted to you for 20 years just because you can't stomach it for something they can't help?

Where does that love go?

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Some people throw away their partner because they got fat, some because they didn’t put the dishes away, why being bi has to be put on some kind of untouchable pedestal as a reason not to leave a spouse is beyond me.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 16/07/2025 17:35

I don't understand this. Sexuality needs to be discussed in the early stages of a relationship.

Frostiesflakes · 16/07/2025 17:37

SorryToBotherYou28 · 16/07/2025 17:27

Sexuality evolves for some, so you'll just throw away someone you love and has been devoted to you for 20 years just because you can't stomach it for something they can't help?

Where does that love go?

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Out the door / window. Off with the wind

I don’t think I would be care because he’s been lying to me for the past 20 years

I would be devastated and then fucking angry

you don’t ( imo) wake up on Monday morning and think - mmm I want to suck a cock wonder if my wife will mind ..

if he wants to suck a dick - fine
it just won’t be while he is married to me

I didn’t marry a man who is bi sexual
I married a straight heterosexual man

if he wants to explore his sexuality or find out what he likes on grinder - fine

he just won’t be married to me while he goes of exploring

that’s my right just as it is his right to go off and do whatever with whoever