Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

I'm so sorry, OP. This is not the life you chose and he's torn apart everything you thought you knew and taken away your stability.

He's been utterly selfish in the way he has gone about this. The fact he told your children without discussing it with you first, just goes to show he doesn't give a fuck what you think and feel. A mindful and thoughtful man would have told you first and then discussed the children with you.

He more than likely has, or does intend to cheat. It's the same as saying, "I fancy other women" as a straight man. He has urges and he wants to act on them.

Don't give him the chance to cheat on you. I know it's easier said than done, but kick him out, change the locks, then ignore all communications; just like he ignored your wellbeing, and you as a whole.

My partners straight I am bi he's completely fine with it have I ever cheated no definitely not have I ever wanted no lol just because hes came out doesn't make him anymore different than a loyal straight person

@Ontheedgeofit genuine answer. IMHO it is absolutely 💯 ok to feel the way you feel and fancy who you fancy but if you vocally exclude a whole group or ethnicity I think that’s problematic.
I’ll try to think of an example, my granny used to use derogatory words for ordering Chinese food or going to the local general store. You can imagine the words.
We managed to convince her not to say those words out loud as it was not ok. But what goes on or went on in her own head was a different story, she never did order Chinese food but she stopped using the slurs.

It’s her absolute right to not eat Chinese food or go to the local grocery store to buy essentials but using the words she did and making it seem less than is not ok and she was racist even though she did not recognise herself as such.

I hope that makes sense?

Also a bit of a stretch to include racism and any sort of sexual phobic behavior under the same umbrella in this scenario.

Not like your husband can decide to be black or white 20 years into marriage.

It’s a breach of trust and whether he suppressed it or not for fear of judgement, he still isn’t who he said he was and she is completely entitled to be blindsided by the revelation. So if he is being blase about it, it means that he doesn’t value the impact this has on her.

whether he's attracted to men or women is kinda irrelevant..hes married to you. so he cant really pursue men or women.

unless he wants a divorce

You are the one who is ill informed.

Heterosexuality is protected under the Human Rights Act in the UK, as it falls under the protected characteristic of sexual orientation. The Act prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation, which includes being heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Read it again and stop peddling untruths.

It must be terrifying living in all of your worlds so I can see why react with such hysteria. I suppose you can't help it.

😂

Did you tell him 20 years into a marriage that you were bisexual? Or did he know before?

Makes a difference.

How do you know your bi husband actually isn’t just, very dully, straight?

Your determination to be so ultra liberal has distorted ‘normality’ to you the point you sound nonsensical to anyone regardless of genitals & sexual persuasion.

My husband is a straight man. Sorry if that bothers you. Pride isn’t about knocking down other identities. What you are doing is toxic and against the very ideology you seem to hold dear. It makes for quite pathetic reading.

I wouldn't be too worried, being Bisexual doesn't automatically mean he's looking for any man to cheat on you with. If you haven't even been worried about him sleeping with other woman i doubt you should worry now about him sleeping with men, though i get the news is probably shocking and you have every right to feel emotional. Hope you're feeling better now and can work this out :)

No, you are wrong because nowhere in the definition of heterosexuality states that the other person has to also be hetero.

There is no sexuality whereby both have to be hetero, that's not heterosexuality and therefore that is not protected at all.

Are you not reading the thread? The OP would've responded exactly as you have 24 hours ago...

I understand that. Is it ok for the OP to now vocally exclude her husband if she wishes based on his newly revealed sexuality?
Basically she bought Chinese food but opened the box and it’s Indian…. She may just say that she doesn’t like Indian food and it gives her an upset tummy. Or should she just eat the Indian food to be polite and politically correct?
How will people know she doesn’t want to be served Indian food if she doesn’t say she doesn’t like Indian food.

PS the OP can be very unhappy that her husband is bisexual without her being phobic. She can choose to leave him because of this too. This is her life too. And if she states that the reason she is unhappy and left him and is angry with him it’s not because she is a phobic.

Are you not reading the thread? The fact it’s even been made into a thread means it’s not an everyday occurrence FFS.

This view is so strange from hetero women.

It doesn't make any sense as they themselves have sex with men and obviously think men are sexually desirable, yet you're repulsed a man might share those desires. Is having sex with men that off putting that you think this?

It's very easy to make!

Sorry for adding to the tangent but I do feel I've earned the right to, having already made two (what I considered) very sensible comments relevant to the thread.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gado-gado-salad

But it happens so....

No? Because the characteristic of checks notes “finding who I am disgusting” should not be protected, where the characteristic of “not actually straight” should be.

Ok? So do earthquakes but I’m not chucking my crockery into a pool?

I find this all fascinating. I don’t want my husband fancying men either. So your reasoning is because I fancy men I shouldn’t mind that my husband fancies men either?

It like men having lesbian fantasies… should women have gay fantasies?

Maybe it’s actually more about the mind than the biology and some of us are more liberal thinking than others. Still doesn’t make one more correct than the other I’m afraid.

But he's still in a straight relationship, so why does he need to announce it. Of you'd split up and he wanted to date men and women then yeah I'd get him telling people. Has he known this all along?

You're comparing a sexual orientation to being a criminal...

And you people are saying you're not in any way bigoted?

Sure....

I don't care if it "makes sense" or not. Sexual attraction to another human is not rational. For example, there are some sexual fantasies that people would hesitate to share with their partner as they fear it might put them off - regardless of whether they ever had the slightest intention of carrying them out in reality.

Anyone can have any fantasy they like that's legal, I don't see the issue...

Why if you know men fancy women does it worry you if they fancy men? I just don't see the issue and don't know why it repulses certain women when it's exactly the same as them liking men.

No im saying that if something fundamental about who you are arises after the commencement of a relationship it is well within the other persons rights to have that thing change how they feel about you based on their own value system. Just because it’s ok with you does not make it ok with someone else.