Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

His very first communication about it should have been to you, and he should have given you as much time as you needed before anything else.

What a selfish, disrespectful and thoughtless man.

I’m sorry if this sounds if Ignorant, but he doesn’t really need to tell anyone other than you , does he? Because like he said, he’s not leaving you so what would be the point ? Can he just keep it to yourselves for your sake??

Was just about to write this!!! Exactly the same here.

And his daughters? Why share it with them? Who wants to know anything at all about who /what type of person their parents lust after? It only makes sense if he’s planning to act on it.

Previous posts have nailed it. If he was just going to carry on as normal why tell everyone? I suppose it could be euphoria that he has finally realised something about himself but that's a generous interpretation. I would be devastated and then extremely suspicious.

I don't think it's biphobia.

It's making a big revelation.

Which hugely affects the op.

She's not married to who she thought she was. She's allowed to be at best dismayed and at worst, shocked to her core. Her marriage is not what she thought it was. How dare she have a response?

And I bet there's going to be a whole lot of behaviour "finding himself" which includes shagging men galore.

He's an utter prat, the way he's handled this so far.

I'm sorry but you are completely overreacting and being biphobia. Being bisexual just means you can have attractions to men or women. It has absolutely zero impact on you and does NOT make him any more likely to cheat than anyone else. It's disturbing that you love him but say you wouldn't have married him if you'd known.

Sorry, but yes.💐

Is he usually to insensitive of your feelings?

@Uberella He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

So why did he feel the need to tell you, and more, why tell his children? If things are not going to change, there was no point. The truth is probably more that he has already acted on his desires and had already been unfaithful, or his 'confession' is a pre-warning of his intention to seek sex with males.

I think you need to take a couple of days off sick. Get yourself to a sexual health clinic for full testing - tell them the reason why: they have heard it all before and will not be at all judgemental. It just means they are testing you from a place of being fully informed and will offer the full spectrum of tests.

He is a selfish, self-centred knob and is being deluded if he thinks he can just carry on and you meekly accept his sudden 'revelation'. Do you have friends or family you can turn to for support, as you decide what you want, and what is best for you and your offspring?

Algorithms are designed to produce more extreme content and addict users.
I don’t find it hilarious that companies design products to do this, maybe you do.

Gooning. It’s not a meme.

I am bisexual and the only reason my husband knows is because once when we were out we say my ex girlfriend and she came up and said hello. He asked who she was and I told him, he said “she looks like you lol you narcissist”.

He asked me a couple of questions the next day (essentially along the lines of “show me what your type is?” “Do you think (celebrity) is attractive?” Riveting stuff for him I suppose) and that was the extent of it. I haven’t announced it to friends unless it’s come up, or some of my friends know because they’ve known me all my life and have seen me with women. I am married and have children with a man, so what’s the point of telling everyone?

I am very sorry OP, I fear this is testing the water and there’s more revelations to come.

Omg!
Their straight marriage was a pretence.
THAT is the wrongdoing!

Of course it's all about OP.
She's just found out she's been lied to for years.
She's just found out he's told their DD'S before her.

PP are assuming he will cheat because HE'S LIED to his wife for years.

I'll bet you felt sorry for Schofield instead of his wife didn't you?
That poor woman was living with a lie as well.

TBH - why does it matter?

who really cares if the other people he's potentially attracted to are male or female?

What weird questions. OP cares. It matters to her.

She is allowed to want a heterosexual man.

What you or others think is irrelevant.

It's disturbing that you seem to think she should accept living a lie for years.

She was never even given the choice.
OP had the right to know and then choose. She didn't get that.
She's been scammed and you think it's ok?

It's amazing how many deceitful people there are.

It is 💯 very disturbing. 😳

So if this revelation kills her attraction to her husband, what is she supposed to do? Is she supposed to continue to have sex with someone she is not attracted to avoid being biphobic? You cannot change attraction.

Is someone who refuses to date a particular sex sexist? Of course they are not!

I once read here that it would not occurred to the poster to disclaim her/ his bisexuality to the person they were dating as we all have to accept it. If not there was something wrong with us. Some people are too far gone.

I feel like there's a thread per week on this topic.

For me, it's the timing - children just past exam age (although the ages seem to have shifted, so might not be totally) makes me think he was 'holding off' until they were 'adults.'

On that basis, I can see why people are suspicious that this is the start of more to come from him and a bid to 'live his authentic life' as pps have said.

Agree. This need to tell someone serves who?

It serves only the person declaring it, and is utterly pointless unless said person is going to act on it.

In regards to posters who would be turned off by this declaration, it's also fine to get the ick from knowing your partner is attracted to other men. There is nothing "biphobic" about it.

The things I've witnessed being around my gay cousin and cheating bi men/married men, it would turn your stomach. A bi woman and a bi man are simply not the same thing. There is a very good reason why a bi woman is far more acceptable to a man than a bi man is to a woman.

Utter bollocks.

What is his friendship group like?
I ask because DH has one particular friendship group who are very "queer positive" even though they are mostly men married to women, several of them have announced either bisexuality or nonbinariness over the last couple of years, and their wives seem to be ok with it, so if he has a friendship group like that maybe he feels these big announcements are normal.
(DH has told me he internally eye rolls everytime as he doesn't think he needs to know).

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

I still don't understand his motivations for telling you (if he really isn't going to leave or cheat). Isn't it rather like me telling DH I have a huge crush on Trevor in Accounts - would DH really need to know??

I am another who can't understand why he told you, his daughters, and why the world needs to know? If he really felt that you needed to know, then a tactfully introduced bringing up of the subject and gentle mentioning of his sexuality would be the order of the day, not hanging out the flags and telling the milkman.

I was married to a bisexual man. He told me before we even got together that he was bisexual - no problem from my side. He wanted to be with me, he wanted to marry me.

He left after ten years to 'explore his sexuality', so I might have a knee-jerk reaction now to any man who told me he was bisexual when we started dating. But that's my problem, not the man's/

Is it possible he wanted you to end the marriage when he told you so he can play the victim? I can't understand why the broad sharing among friends and family if he's intending to stay faithfully in the marriage.

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It must be a big shock and it’s particularly upsetting he told your daughters first rather than you

For what it’s worth though, I came out as Bi to my husband about 4/5 years into marriage. It wasn’t because I had plans to cheat or anything. It’s just that after years of ignoring and pushing that i found women attractive, I started to accept this about myself and just wanted to be open with my husband about who I am. My husband was pretty chill and I’ve never had any interest in being with anyone other than him.

However, I do agree that if this would have been a deal breaker for you, it’s a huge thing to process. And he absolutely should have told you before telling anyone.