I had a drunken one-night stand. I feel so ashamed!

[MinimumAstronaut811]

Hello,

I know I will get judged and ridiculed for this, and rightfully so, but I want to share my story and see if anyone can help me figure out how I should tell my husband about what I did. About four months ago, I (F50) was on a trip to beach with my best friend (F50) where we stayed in a beach town for 4 nights. My husband (M48) and daughter (F12) were visiting his mother in a different town, so my girlfriend and I decided to hit the beach during this time. On day 3, we were out at a beachside restaurant with a bar, and we were drinking pretty much the entire day there. Eventually my best friend was extremely tired and returned to our hotel room, leaving me at the bar. This was around 9:00 PM. Soon a group of young guys arrived and one of them (M24) started hitting on me and was relentless. He was very handsome and Ken (like Barbie's Ken) type guy with blond/brown hair and blue eyes and was very fit. He started buying me shots, and I have a real problem with alcohol. At some point during this time, we started making out at the bar and I ended up with him in his room!! I don't remember the encounter, just flashes of it, as I was so drunk, but we had sex all night and I returned to my room (my girlfriend was sleeping) around 7 AM.

I was devasted and ashamed of myself the next morning and I told my girlfriend what had happened. She was very surprised as she knew that my marriage was in a pretty good place. I love my husband as he is the greatest man I have known, amazing dad and a good husband; however, he has let himself go lately and had gained a lot of weight as he is now classified as Obese (over 34% body fat). He was very fit when we met. I ask him to get in shape for his health's sake, as I am in medical industry and see how bad Obesity will destroy your body and I was really afraid he would end up in a wheelchair or worse dead very soon. I had a new boss, and my job was very stressful. I am not making excuses, but I think some of this may have played some role in my heavy drinking and sleeping someone other than my husband.

I don't really know why I slept with this guy. I did find him attractive, alcohol was involved, but getting hit by good looking guys is not a new thing for me. I always brush it off or play it off, but not this time. The guilt is eating me alive, and I know I am a piece of garbage for doing this to my loving husband. I really want to come clean, but I am so afraid that it will break up the family. I know I made a terrible mistake; I don't deserve another chance and probably will not get another chance.

Since I incident I have completely given up alcohol and have been sober since that day. My husband actually commented on this about a week later, as he knows I have struggled with alcohol since my teen age years. He is very supportive of me quitting alcohol and he himself has stopped drinking (he was never an alcoholic but did drink socially).

Can someone give me some guidance on how I should break this news to my husband. I know he will be devastated and will probably hate me, and I deserve it. I don't think I can bear to see the pain in his eyes when I do tell him, but I have to do this. My only hope is that he will see that I am truly sorry and believe that this will never happen. I will also hope he agrees to couples' marriage counseling and hopefully individual counseling for both of us. I don't know, I am so worried about this horrible choice that I made. Please tell me how I should approach this with my husband in breaking this news to him.

Please give me something more than I am a terrible person, a piece of shit, slut etc. etc. I already know this, and I am determined it will never happen again. I am hoping for some constructive feedback on how I can dampen the pain for my husband when I break the news to him. Thanks!

Maybe posting from both sides to see what advice their partner would have got?

Exactly what I was thinking. Something just doesn't smell right with this one.

I dont get it either but there’s numerous fake threads on here daily and this plus the other with identical wording and spelling errors both have more holes that Swiss cheese

I guess people post fake threads to give themselves something to do and to see if they can fool people with their little over the top stories.

Oh! That is definitely the same person. All some weird made-up fantasy or just coincidence they're both posting asking for advice?

This fake thread is probably intended to showcase double standards and hypocrisy.

Have you put equal concern into your own liver? You’re so preoccupied with your husbands health but being overweight as you described likely isn’t anywhere near as damaging as your long term drinking will have been.

It worked then 🤣

Troll hunting- MN will remove. Report if you think it is.

We all experience pain and burden in varying degress throughout our life. The husband isn't a child. Don't patronise him by assuming he's not intelligent or strong enough to deal with the issue or an unfaithful wife.

The excuse of the truth being a burden and causing the husband pain and upset is a bull shit justification for the OP to keep the wonderful life she has without facing any real consequences.

You clearly think the right thing to do is for OP to continue to lie and cover up her mistake rather than take full ownership for it. Good for you.

There is no point in telling him. It won't change anything for the better. He doesn't know, you still have your marriage and something good came of it. Tell him and all of that will change in a nano-second, and not for the better.
Get counselling if you feel you need to but treat the episode as a lesson learned. People used to say "least said, soonest mended." Because in this case it's true.

Reported both threads

I have to agree I think the two threads are by yourself. You are so overcome with guilt you are trying to get other’s opinions on both sides of the story for you and your husband.
It is understandable you are feeling overwhelmed and looking for solutions.
There is no wrong or right way in how you go about it but the choice has to be your own not the choice of strangers on a thread.

Good luck hope you can find a way round this.

You were very stupid. You know this. You are human, so you make mistakes, sometimes big ones. Do not tell your husband. Focus on making sure this does not happen again. The only reason to tell him is to transfer some of the pain and hurt you are now experiencing to him. He does not deserve this. He also does not deserve this because he is a little bit out of shape. Buck your ideas up.

All the posters saying “don’t tell him” are likely the same people who say “I’d want to know” on posts about men cheating on their wives.

Of course you have to tell him. You betrayed him in the most horrific way and he should be given the choice of whether he wants to stay in the marriage or not.

American would make sense of the use of beach, misspelling of booze and other little quirks.
I wondered about a Psychology dissertation.

Hang on! They're not MY threads!!!!

I doubt it. Any such research would need approval from an ethics committee and I haven't consented to participation in any study here.

Yes I know , I was referring You as in the original poster.

Imagine it was the other way round. Would you want your partner to be honest with you or hold onto that guilt for the rest of their life.

And who says you won't do it again.....

Why does he deserve to know and be made miserable? It does sound as if you somehow think this will assuage your guilt. The way you link this to his weight also makes it sound like you are trying to put some responsibility on to him. Honestly, sort yourself out and don't destroy your husband's life.

You don’t know the husband either, so don’t patronise me with your bullshit.
The OP has to live with her actions!

Dangerous? It’s the truth. I’m sorry more women don’t know this.

I’m not suggesting she pursue it - we all know that would be fruitless. But she needs to stop blaming herself for a man’s illegal behaviour. Why do you think he targeted a drunk woman his mum’s age and bought her 5 more shots in a short space of time? Because he’s a rapist

mumsnet double standards at its finest here... if this was a guy posting - he would absolutely be TORN APART. But yes, dont tell your husband, because you know, hes fat and it was a drunk mistake etc.

Don't tell him. What you did is awful but confessing it won't fix what you did but it will likely destroy your marriage and even more importantly badly affect your child's home life. Resign yourself to being the best wife and mum possible. Never put yourself in a position to do this again.