I was with my abusive ex-husband for 25 years. We have three DC together. Eventually nearly 4 years ago I found the courage to leave. The divorce was finalised earlier this year.
About a year after separation I decided to try online dating and, within a few weeks I met a man who I will call John.
We have now been together for 2 ½ years. I am now 54 and he is 60. He is also divorced after a long marriage and he has two young adult DC.
He is the kindest, most caring man. He would do anything for me. We have a nice time together. The sex is really good. He is emotionally available, able to be vulnerable, and when we disagree (which is rare) he will listen and talk things through. He is a calm and stable presence and I love him.
However, for a number of reasons, I feel like I need to end it, but I’m worried I would be throwing away something really good. My marriage and my upbringing were so abusive being with a kind man feels like something very rare and I worry I would struggle to find this again.
So the negatives are: we are really at different stages of our lives. I am working in a full time, demanding professional career. I often attend evening work related events. My youngest DC is still at home with me full time (she’s still at school and her father has moved far away) and my middle one is home in the university holidays. I enjoy my work but my life can feel quite tough and relentless.
John was working when we met, but then his contract ended and he retired. I am ambitious and driven. He is not. My life is really busy – and his is not. He doesn’t seem to have much of a plan for his retirement and isn’t really doing a lot with his time.
Financially we are in different positions. I own my own house in a nice area, have a well paid job and am on track for a comfortable retirement. He is living with his mother and has no plans to move out. He will inherit a half share of her flat when she dies and plans to buy out his brother. He did have a house when he was married, his ex still lives there but it was in a much less expensive part of the country so he could not afford to buy here with the money he has.
Our friends are quite different. Mine are pretty affluent and successful in City type careers. His are more laid back, less materialistic and less career focussed.
I’m worried that if we stay together my life will be smaller and less interesting than if I was with someone more aligned with my interests. On the other hand he's so lovely and I know it's not easy to find someone at this stage of life. Thoughts lovely mumsnetters?