asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

[goodThingGonewrong]

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

Trolls type among us.

You’re not wrong OP. 💐

@goodThingGonewrong he wanted to come wanted a bj.was being selfish . Asked for sex thinking you on your period and couldn’t, then back tracked when you said yes.
How long have you been together ?

But why should it just be about what he wants and his satisfaction? He sounds frankly disgusting OP. He couldn’t care less about your enjoyment and it seems you can only play with yourself if it’s for HIS benefit. I’d be having a frank word with him right, but not apologising that I didn’t just suck him off and be done.

Ignore the frigid, uptight commentators! Surely your title should have indicated to them it wouldn't be a post they are able to speak about.
FGS if we can't be open and descriptive to our "friends" (I'm suggesting most of MN members fall into this category) it's a bit of a poor show!
I'd just sit him down and say "about last night, it was all a bit off don't you think" and take it from there.

Brilliant😂

Is he selfish in other ways op? Selfish lovers are usually selfish partners.

As happens a lot here, the issue you posted about, is not actually the problem

You obviously don’t find it grim, otherwise you wouldn’t have clicked on it

FFS.

The title was very clear. Maybe you shouldn't have clicked on it if you are so delicate 🙄

The “talk” didn’t go very well tonight. Ended up going to bed not talking . Due to go home tomorrow as we don’t live together. I really can’t sleep, too upset, he called me pathetic and was annoyed I faked. If I lived nearby would have just left but tried to give him the opportunity to talk though but he thinks I’ve said some hurtful things, and his response was we won’t have sex anymore .

That sounds a bit rubbish, sorry OP. If that’s his response I’d play him at his own game.

Just dump this prick. Grab all of your belongings that are there in the morning and take them with you when you leave. The man is selfish, and you cannot have a grown up discussion with him without him taking it badly. He's immature, selfish, and unless I'm on the wrong thread, isn't he into porn too? (sorry may have got that porn bit from another thread)

You can do better than this prick.

You both need some space to think things through. He thinks you're attacking his sexual performance, which you are (for good reason!) but there are reasons behind his newly ish selfish, arsehole behaviour and until you get to the bottom of it by an honest, frank discussion without his male pride/ego getting the better of him, this relationship isn't going to get any better.

And the only reason he's turned it around on you was because he's shocked you realised he was only after a BJ. He's trying to play the victim. He's grim.

Bless him, he has quite the fragile ego doesn't he.

Sorry he has made you feel this way OP, you've done nothing wrong, it was a bit of a two way communication kerfuffle yesterday, but if he is annoyed at you because he wanted a blow job and he didn't want to put any effort in your pleasure, then he needs to have a good look at himself.

It sounds to me like his whole plan was to get a blow job then fall asleep, that is why he (pretend asked) to have sex, knowing you were on your period and would say no (which is a pathetic way to go about it tbh), You saying yes to sex must have really thrown him off. So he declined sex but then GUIDED you to give him a blow job, please tell me he didn't guide your head?

We don't and not sure why you're getting involved in the OP's post if you feel so shocked. Scroll past and don't engage.

I’d be ensuring his prediction came to pass.

Go find a decent bloke who communicates openly and is willing to talk about issues.

He views you as there to serve his sexual demands, and has no interest in your experience.

If he finds you touching yourself a turn on then it's all good. If you touch yourself for your own pleasure, he doesn't like it and questions it. Men like this screw with your own sexuality and self-worth.

He sounds absolutely rancid, OP. Total ick. Make getting free of him your priority.

He didn't want to pleasure you but he's annoyed you faked orgasm, did he really think no foreplay and just PIV would do it? As a pp said he's egos dented now so he's sulking , you won't let him get away with no effort so he won't have sex anymore. I don't believe that for a second.
This doesn't look good Op, if he can't take you raising your concerns without having a strop then this isn't a good relationship.

His reaction is super childish, he’s trying to twist it all on you to make you seem unreasonable. When in reality who else are you supposed to have discussions about sex with, if not the person you’re having sex with? He should be taking feedback on board, not refusing to speak to you. A conversation normal couples have every day, he’s turned into an argument.

Oh what a disappointment he is. He should be incredibly keen to get you off, not sulking. No one fancies a sulker.

He’s not wrong about you not having sex anymore! Perhaps he will reflect on the conversation and come to a better conclusion than that you are ‘pathetic’ and you can move forward together, and be more honest with each other.
But if he doesn’t, it’s just a statement of how little he values you, and how little he values honesty and your happiness.
These conversations are incredibly stressful and difficult, what a disappointment he is not to appreciate that you’ve bothered to try.

I’m sorry it didn’t go well, OP. I hope he comes around to his senses. I doubt he’ll last very long without sex.
If not, then it’s your writing in the sky that it’s time to find a less selfish lover.
Good luck, please don’t beat yourself up over his reaction - he is being a baby!

I left this morning without us actually talking and within 5 mins of me leaving his place I had a bloody collision with another car.

I said goodbye and he was like, are you leaving with no kiss goodbye? yet again have he had the opportunity to talk about it but he wasn’t having it so I just left. I think the accident was my fault as I think my mind was everywhere.

It brought up another sore point which is between 2023/24 he stopped going down on it, I brought it up because one day during the act I asked him to, twice and he ignored me. When I brought it up with him he said he loved going down on me (a lie) and then said he needs to be in the mood. He does it about once a month to me and I said to him I can feel he doesn’t like to do it so I don’t enjoy it, he’s insisted again he needs to be in the mood which is bs, I know what enthusiastic oral sex feels like. Never a problem till year 3 of relationship.

I meant going down on me if anyone needs clarification. Apologies for the badly written posts.