Really good or really bad? Fantasies chat with BF

[Foolonthepill]

I really don’t know if I think BF was being really open or too open last night!

Started seeing him in Feb so not too long ago. Really nice guy though who I know through mutual friends. Sex is good with no red flags (until now!). Couldn’t have sex last night because I have my period so instead I suggested that he describe his biggest fantasy whilst I played with him.

Well, it turns out that his biggest fantasy (without going into the jaw dropping details) involves watching his female friends doing various private things, and when he actually came it was whilst talking about them using the loo.

Vom.

Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them.

But I don’t like his!! I don’t know whether it’s great that he felt he could be that honest, or a bit gross about what they actually were! I’m also not sure if I ever want to hear about those things again or whether indulging that kind of thing is OK.

2! That’s the point. So funny and weird.

Oh I don’t know OP… does this not give you the serious ick? I just can’t 🤮 Was he just jacking off in the corner of the bathroom while you took a shit?

There’s not much I wouldn’t be open to, but I’d have to draw the line at this.

Pretty much! I would never have thought of it either but so long as it goes no further it was fine by me. I just found it funny, and weird that I have so much power in doing such a mundane thing. At least he wasn’t thinking of anyone else!

Well look, if you’re okay with it, and the relationship is good then away with ye! Each to their own. It’s just so bizarre really… I mean, what turns him on about it? Is it the voyerism? The actual poo itself? Have ye discussed why this is a fetish of his? I think I would struggle to find him attractive knowing this.

Like, did ye talk while you were doing your business? Tell me he didn’t want to see what you ‘produced’ 🙈

I just hope that this is as far as it goes and he doesn’t try and bring more of this into the relationship.

Ooh, yikes. I guess the main thing is to make clear that you don’t share that kink, so he doesn’t give you the ick any worse than he already has. But no judgement if you can’t get past it. I’ve dumped guys for similar. A shame, really, because in theory it’s good to have a partner who opens up to you. But a more sensible man might have sounded you out a bit before launching into full TMI.

I don’t think anyone has ever just introduced a fetish into a relationship once to give it a go then not wanted to do it more often and in more extreme ways.

Buckle up OP, I wonder what he’ll ask for next 😬

I can’t imagine the conversation happening while you’re shitting, completely unsurprised and not sharing his interest in this stuff, and he’s presumably either clearly aroused or actually wanking.

I hope you don’t feel guilt tripped into doing this again if you’re not into it. And you (understandably) don’t sound into it one bit!

Its anonymous.

But he’s sexually fantasising about his friends? That’s the red flag for me!

So you were giving your partner a handjob while he told you he likes to think about his female friends doing a poo……. Tbh I don’t think I could ever find him attractive again. I’m not sure he’s a very nice man. the poo bit is almost a red herring - it’s the fact he felt confident enough to tell you he fantasises about his real life, and your mutual, friends……..

That was the red flag for me. But we talked about it and I told him that it made me uncomfortable. He hasn’t mentioned it since. Meanwhile the other stuff has been very enjoyable so I am alright. Still think he’s weird but it’s manageable and more fun than I thought!

You sound really naive. As if him not bringing it up again (yet) makes it okay…

I disagree. He can fantasise about what he likes, so long as he keeps to himself things that I find distasteful. Shared fantasies count, as do acts. We are in a place currently where both are fine.

You think he's weird.....nice.

He takes pleasure in watching me poo. That is weird. He knows I think it’s weird. I laugh it off. It’s fine.

Everyone's fantasies are weird though aren't they if you're not into them.

I might think yours are.

Maybe your just not compatible.

I think if you're happy to engage in his fantasies, then that's absolutely your prerogative, and nobody's business but yours!

Having known people in the past with scat fetishes (not KNOWN know 😂, just as friends), I wondered how you'd feel if he asked you to do it 'on' him, because I suspect that's where it's headed.

I don’t think we’re incompatible. I am
satisfying his urges. I find them amusing more than anything.

I did mention this to him, telling him that under no circumstances was that ever ever going to happen! He told me he didn’t want that anyway. It’s all about the watching, apparently 🤷‍♀️

I take my hat off to you OP.

I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than trying to have a shit and DH furiously wanking away in the corner 😆

Edited for bloody predictive text

That is a GREAT typo! 🤣🤣

What was the typo?!

It has been surprisingly easy! Possibly because he is out of my eyeline.

I guess it's about the vulnerability/intimacy/taboo of someone doing one of the most private things - rather than that he loves shit and wants it all over him. It's not for me but I can get it I guess.

That’s exactly what it is. And hopefully the more exposed he is to it the less he’ll want to keep doing it!

Mm, I have personal issues with a voyeur fantasy but I’m aware that’s a trigger point for me due to issues in my past so I’ll try not to focus on that. The issue for me is him fantasising about women he knows and is friends with. It seems to me to be dehumanising them and feels so gross that he’s fantasising sexually about people he actually socialises with! And to be honest there is an aspect of the voyeurism that doesn’t sit well with me when it’s linked to people he actually knows because he would have a degree of access to them, and where would he really draw the line?

I wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship I don’t think.

If you click the edited button at the bottom of any edited post you can see the original.

However, my pain in the arse phone changed 'furiously wanking' to 'furiously walking' 😆