Really good or really bad? Fantasies chat with BF

[Foolonthepill]

I really don’t know if I think BF was being really open or too open last night!

Started seeing him in Feb so not too long ago. Really nice guy though who I know through mutual friends. Sex is good with no red flags (until now!). Couldn’t have sex last night because I have my period so instead I suggested that he describe his biggest fantasy whilst I played with him.

Well, it turns out that his biggest fantasy (without going into the jaw dropping details) involves watching his female friends doing various private things, and when he actually came it was whilst talking about them using the loo.

Vom.

Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them.

But I don’t like his!! I don’t know whether it’s great that he felt he could be that honest, or a bit gross about what they actually were! I’m also not sure if I ever want to hear about those things again or whether indulging that kind of thing is OK.

Did you talk to him about it?

Oof! That would be a forever ick for me 🤢😅

Im a bit surprised that period sex is a no-no, but thinking about secretly watching his female friends doing a poo makes him come.

It might not be a no for him, but if it is for the OP, it doesn't matter what he wants.

If he actually saw me poo he would be deeply disappointed.

Does he have a glass coffee table?

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I’ve never wanted to have period sex so I get why you or your partner didn’t want to have sex then, OP.

But I do think you took a huge risk asking about his fantasies and telling him to be dirty. As you say, you have some fantasies that wouldn’t leave you entirely shame free if they saw the light of day. Same here. I have had occasional crushes on friends and fantasised about sex with them - IRL no-one needs to know about that and it does not affect my commitment to my DH. I’m pretty sure he does the same. I think it’s okay. To give full disclosure on this, we have had periods of open relationship but I’ve only acted on that once in 15 years and don’t see myself doing so again. We have been together for nearly 30 years.

It turns out you didn’t really want to hear his fantasies. You wanted fantasies that suited you. I think you should learn from this. Asking a man for his dirty fantasies is always going to be risky and I do think you’ve been a bit naive. You can’t unhear this and only you know if this is something you can get beyond. If you like the idea of playing with fantasy, you could perhaps offer that you build one together. Also, you could offer the physical touch without inviting a discussion of fantasy.

I didn’t say she shouldn’t be.
I was replying only to the quoted post.

The way you’re tying yourself in knots to make this “ok” for you concerns me - you sound like you’re willing to make yourself uncomfortable for his fantasies.

Struggling to believe that he’d find it really appealing if you wanted him to get you off while talking about his mate Dave puking up for example.

Tbh it's the fact that he felt it was OK to talk about it in front of you that is total 🤢🤮.

I'm sure a lot of people have fleeting thoughts which would be a bit weird to hear. The fact that he didn't have those brakes in place, and was "comfortable" saying those whilst YOU were touching him is really icky.

It's like those people who will deliberately start praising someone else in a very energetic way in front of you whilst ignoring you.

I also wonder if it was intentionally done to humiliate and boundary push you.

Dump (him, don't do it in front of him).

I disagree with this. I’ve given it a lot of thought today, and what bothers me is the human subject of the fantasy (our mates) not the other stuff. I said it was OK for him to have no filter, so he took the filter off and told me his dirtiest fantasy. In that way (only that way!) I am quite pleased.

But the deal needs to be that if he likes watching women shit he can watch me. If it gets him off I don’t care. Weird IMO but not a sackable offence. Less effort on my part as well!

But if he genuinely has sexual feelings towards our friends then that is problematic. Imagining them doing ‘private things’ (that was his phrase last night that I really wish I hadn’t asked him to clarify!) is probably just about OK if it never leaves the bedroom. But if he wants to actually shag them or is looking at them in that way IRL, then it’s probably all over.

I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has had fleeting sexual thoughts about my friends.

Have they got me off? Sometimes.
Would I act on them? Never.

I'm glad you've reached a conclusion you're comfortable with.

What a baffling conclusion- you’re happy for him to watch you poo as long as he’s not thinking about other women pooing. This kind of kink is extreme and used to be understandably taboo. Now there have been multiple people on this thread who are saying that it wouldn’t be an issue for them and it’s your fault for opening the door, thankfully not literally yet. For anyone reading this, it’s really not a mainstream thing and if someone asks you to do this or to be involved in this type of extreme kink, it’s not vanilla or boring or any other ‘pick me’ ‘cool-girl’ insult. It’s literally extreme. So extreme that it’s not the type of thing you’d find on most porn sites, on which places men are pushing as many boundaries as they possibly can in the pursuit of views on their content by mainly men. And yet still; this isn’t freely available.

Cough.

I do know there's a well known poster who likes posting to get women to talk about this particular kink, if they've done it etc etc.
...

Ah.....

Did you stop when you felt grossed out by what he was saying? Or did you keep going till he came, despite feeling uncomfortable and disgusted by what he was saying?

Exactly and why I take a lot of these style threads with a pinch of salt…

It's a fantasy I find gross but each to their own as long as he doesn't extend that to actually spying on people. But don't forget the fact he's fantasising about them and not you.

It's really awful but you asked for it. Why did you say "be as dirty as you like" did you suspect?
This reminds me of those threads where op has told everyone not to bother about her birthday and then is upset when........nobody bothers about their birthday.

LTB

Ffs sorry to be of absolute no help, but that's hilarious.

Fantasising about his female friends isn't ideal, but I'm guessing that many men do, they just wisely keep their mouths shut.

Not sure I could appreciate his moment of no return ever again, thinking that he was picturing someone having a dump. Ive never heard of that one before.

So you were wanking him off (God knows why, you aren't a performing monkey) and he was talking about other women.

Not even fantasies about YOU, the woman currently wanking him off, but of his female friends? Even a man with those thoughts in his head should be smart respectful enough to say its about you taking an almighty shit, not some random women.

I'm not sure how your self esteem is allowing you to carry on seeing this man.

🤣🤣🤣

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I THINK THE HAIRY HANDED OP WANTS WOMEN TO TALK ABOUT TIMES THEY HAVE BEEN CAUGHT ON THE TOILET.

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So you were wanking him off (God knows why, you aren't a performing monkey)

Because it was a mutually enjoyable sexual act that both parties were taking pleasure from? 🤦‍♀️

I also feel sorry for your boyfriend here. I think its unfair to ask someone their fantasy , tell them they can be as dirty as they like, then tell loads of people on the internet how gross they are when you don’t like the fantasy they chose. People have all sorts of fantasies, it doesn’t mean they are going to act on them.

This is an anonymous forum.

If a man pleasures a woman is he a performing monkey?

I think women realise it's highly unlikely that the only woman a man ever fantasises about is his girlfriend, but yes it was stupid to admit to.

I don’t feel sorry for him.

I would be absolutely disgusted if one of my friends wanked over thinking about me taking a shit.

He’s gross. Get rid and don’t feel bad about it.