Really good or really bad? Fantasies chat with BF

[Foolonthepill]

I really don’t know if I think BF was being really open or too open last night!

Started seeing him in Feb so not too long ago. Really nice guy though who I know through mutual friends. Sex is good with no red flags (until now!). Couldn’t have sex last night because I have my period so instead I suggested that he describe his biggest fantasy whilst I played with him.

Well, it turns out that his biggest fantasy (without going into the jaw dropping details) involves watching his female friends doing various private things, and when he actually came it was whilst talking about them using the loo.

Vom.

Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them.

But I don’t like his!! I don’t know whether it’s great that he felt he could be that honest, or a bit gross about what they actually were! I’m also not sure if I ever want to hear about those things again or whether indulging that kind of thing is OK.

Why can’t he fantasise about shagging Kate Middleton or something, like a normal person? 😊

I don’t think it’s even a question. He’s a weirdo. For the bin!

He probably does have perfectly tame fantasies but you asked him and told him to be as dirty as he wanted. So he probably thought telling you about shagging Kate Middleton in the missionary position wasnt going to cut it.

Honestly @Foolonthepill it’s not a big deal. His honesty is refreshing. His fantasy isn’t even THAT deviant and is very much within the realm of normal. I was a SRT (sexual relations therapist) for years and nothing you or he have said would give me any concerns. Don’t let your insecurities now ruin this relationship. Fantasies come from inside us and are not the same thing as urges or fetishes that people want to act on. Almost the opposite tbh. Rape fantasies are very very common, but no woman I know of would ever dream of actually wanting to be raped. It is about control and being dominated and in a fantasy that’s enjoyable. In his fantasy being able to see someone at what he thinks of as a private moment is enjoyable. In reality it’s not even that big a deal- pooping is pooping.

Please don’t overthink now. But fantasies are often best left private.

Oh dear. You know now and will find it hard to forget. You could ask him whether he’d really do anything like that and if he says God NO!! it might feel less bad.

Agree with this.

My husband can be a bit naive and I know that if I were to ask him this, in the heat of the moment he would tell me.

And frankly, I don’t want to know.

I think it all comes down to whether you can just totally forget about it.

I mean, you could chuck him back, but chances are any new guy you met would be just as disgusting. You just wouldn’t know about it unless you asked.

And @Foolonthepill is unlikely to ever ask again, as this has been something of a learning experience!

Yes the furthest I would go is asking a man a fantasy in relation to myself e.g are there any outfits you would like to see me in, role play etc. No way would I ask a man (especially one I'd only been dating a short while) what his deepest dirtiest fantasises were. That's asking for trouble in a lot of cases.

It’s ok to be turned off by the fact someone is turned on by something.

Men and womens sexuality is different, men are FAR more likely to act out their fantasies, and are pre-dispositioned to be bigger risk takers than women.

I'd have dropped his dick like a hot coal. For me it'd be more the fact he was talking about your attractive mutual friend though. I'm not immune to jealousy, he could of definitely switched the protagonist to Kate Middleton. Then everyone would be happy(er)!

Yeah but Kate is in the Royal Family and everyone knows that they don’t poo.

Where are you getting that information from? That men are far more likely to act out a fantasy.

Update, for anyone interested (and in need of some distraction on a Monday morning!).

He mentioned it again, this time saying that he would like to watch me at some point. I indulged him yesterday. It was just about the weirdest thing I’ve ever been involved in in my life! But at least it was me and not our mate he was watching. He hasn’t mentioned friends since I told him not to.

I don’t know if it was a one time thing. Apart from it being weird it did nothing for me. Nor did I find it awful. Just strange.

😆🤣😆 well I suppose there are worse things. At least it was free.

Ha! Might charge him next time.

Don't give me any ideas. I'm always looking for a side hustle! 😆

Poor sod.

He told you his fantasy after you asked, he felt he could tell you and you've started a thread about it on mumsnet.

Fucking hell.

He wasn’t complaining yesterday.

@Foolonthepill not about you indulging him no. Let me know what he says about the thread.

I think its good that hes told you.
Now you get to decide whether youre sexually compatible.

I could not deal with anyone into scat. I think its gross.

Dont do anything you arent happy with.

Yuck. The worst part is that he thinks about his friends in that way.

I just went to the loo and he watched!

Number 1? Or 2?!

Thanks for the update @Foolonthepill

I think the best thing about this is not that he didn't mention your friends, it's that he was vocal in his desire to watch. Not only does it mean he feels a significant level of trust in you, it also means that it's not the "secret watching" aspect that's the turn on for him.

Did he play while you pee'd? What was his response to seeing his fantasy acted out in front of him?