Page 3 | Really good or really bad? Fantasies chat with BF

Foolonthepill · 2025-06-29T05:45:40+00:00

I really don’t know if I think BF was being really open or *too* open last night! Started seeing him in Feb so not too long ago. Really nice guy though who I know through mutual friends. Sex is good with no red flags (until now!). Couldn’t have sex last night because I have my period so instead I suggested that he describe his biggest fantasy whilst I played with him. Well, it turns out that his biggest fantasy (without going into the jaw dropping details) involves watching his female friends doing various private things, and when he actually came it was whilst talking about them using the loo. Vom. Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them. But I don’t like his!! I don’t know whether it’s great that he felt he could be that honest, or a bit gross about what they actually were! I’m also not sure if I ever want to hear about those things again or whether indulging that kind of thing is OK.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 29/06/2025 09:33

Next time you’re all out and one of the friends excuses themselves to go to the toilet, you’re going to be wondering if he got a little semi.

NotFragileLikeAFlowerFragileLikeABomb · 29/06/2025 09:35

Wouldn’t be able to relieve myself without wondering if he’s got his ear to the door

EBearhug · 29/06/2025 09:37

It wouldn't shock me, merely because there's a woman in one of the Nancy Friday books who talks about seeing her female friend go for a poo. But I've always been clear with men that I will not consider anything with piss or shit.

I have fantasised about all sorts. That doesn't mean I'd actually want to enact them all. (And not all are physically possible anyway.) I would be clear he can never tell his friends he has ever thought about this, though.

Original poster

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 09:42

NotFragileLikeAFlowerFragileLikeABomb · 29/06/2025 09:35

Wouldn’t be able to relieve myself without wondering if he’s got his ear to the door

It just seems so weird to me. The showering thing I can kinda get (there’s nakedness involved, for example). But the loo? I honestly can’t think of anything more mundane. Unless I was just about to get in the shower or was in some unnatural shape he wouldn’t even be able to see anything.

Talk about reality not matching fantasy. If he actually saw me poo he would be deeply disappointed.

OP posts:

NotFragileLikeAFlowerFragileLikeABomb · 29/06/2025 10:00

I’ve just read this thread to my DP and it has provided some great entertainment, so thank you OP

ginasevern · 29/06/2025 10:17

KPPlumbing · 29/06/2025 07:36

The type of fantasy honestly wouldn't bother me.

It's the fact it involves his friends. How can men and women be friends when the women are the subject of the man's sexual fantasies?

Most hetero men fantasise about their female friends but they'll rately act on it unless the opportunity presents itself. Women kid themselves if they think their lovely male friends never think about them sexually.

NameChangedOfc · 29/06/2025 10:33

Yes, it's bad. Instant ick for me.
And I'll add this: men's sexual fantasies are a thing to beware, because men's sexuality is more literal and explicit. So, while women can and do have extremely bizarre (and sometimes deviant, of course) fantasies, I wouldn't be alert or fearful in general. Men's, on the other hand... well, they don't deal with metaphores and symbolism, let's put it that way. If it's the loo, it's the loo.

NameChangedOfc · 29/06/2025 10:38

Treatedme · 29/06/2025 08:51

I went to a talk by a man ( quite young, maybe late twenties/ early thirties) who works in Australia with high school age kids to talk about porn. He said he has found that young women have had their boundaries eroded by porn (or porn culture even if they don’t watch porn) but don’t even realise their boundaries have been eroded.

This thread really reminds me of this.

Your boyfriend told you he sexually fantasises about your mutual female friends ( and his wider female friends). That alone is a clear binning off offence.

But more than that, he tells you in detail his sexual fantasies about your mutual friends. Again, clear binning offence.
But more than that, he tells you his detailed fantasies about your mutual female mutual female friends whilst you are masturbating him to orgasm. Very, very, very clear binning offence.

And even more than that, these fantasies about your mutual friends, are ones that nearly everybody would have a normal, healthy disgust response to as they involve excrement. And that’s the one that brought him to orgasm.

And still you doubt your quite normal, healthy adverse reaction to all of this. And there are people on this thread, encouraging you to distrust your normal, healthy adverse reaction.

It genuinely upsets me that women are raised now in a culture where they doubt or suppress their normal, healthy disturbed responses to all this.

I would, without hesitation, bin this guy off.

And thats even without getting onto the issue of whether he could be someone who might convert film you. Yes, not all fantasists act theirs out, but all men who convertly film women fantasied about it first. And your BF is a man who has already shown himself to be prepared to push boundaries as he has already pushed past the very clear boundary of telling his GF that he fantasises about their mutual friends. And whilst his GF is masturbating him too. And those fantasies include shit.

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Yes, thank you, so very well said. We live in the upside down...

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 29/06/2025 10:49

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 07:13

I told him to be as dirty as he wanted! That was an error.

I told him I’d not be upset so long as it didn’t involve kids or animals! Er… I was potentially lying.

I was grossed out. But then he was back to normal afterwards.

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I feel a bit sorry for him tbh - you asked him to open up and be vulnerable with you, he did and now you’re judging him and sharing it online for others to judge too.

FWIW I asked my DP what type of porn he liked and he replied something like “2 women, or BJs etc”. I laughed and said “that’s original” and then he expanded and mentioned two quite niche things that I daren’t even mention on here (not illegal or immoral, just questionable much like your man’s voyeurism!). As it turned out these are two things I also enjoy fantasising about! But had I not, it would have been a very weird atmosphere . I know for a fact other women would find those fantasies a real turn off and I’m glad he trusted me enough to tell me about them. Judging anyone for things they share with you in confidence is pretty poor.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 10:51

Well you've got the ick, quite rightly. You are allowed. You are not behaving 'poorly' for thinking this 🙄

He's the type to film women under doors in mixed toilets, potentially.

I couldn't look our friends in the face again. It's not reasonable for you to have expected to hear this fantasy from him, it's not a reasonable thing for him to be getting off on, and you wouldn't have enthusiastically consented to engaging in it beforehand, if you knew, eh?

LeftieRightsHoarder · 29/06/2025 10:57

Never ask a question if you don’t want to know the answer!

Original poster

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 10:57

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 29/06/2025 10:49

I feel a bit sorry for him tbh - you asked him to open up and be vulnerable with you, he did and now you’re judging him and sharing it online for others to judge too.

FWIW I asked my DP what type of porn he liked and he replied something like “2 women, or BJs etc”. I laughed and said “that’s original” and then he expanded and mentioned two quite niche things that I daren’t even mention on here (not illegal or immoral, just questionable much like your man’s voyeurism!). As it turned out these are two things I also enjoy fantasising about! But had I not, it would have been a very weird atmosphere . I know for a fact other women would find those fantasies a real turn off and I’m glad he trusted me enough to tell me about them. Judging anyone for things they share with you in confidence is pretty poor.

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Yes. I get where you’re coming from here. The whole point of the thread was about confusion. in a way I appreciate his candour. It’s hard for me to judge because I don’t think my fantasies are anywhere near as unusual.

I don’t agree with those saying that ‘He has voyeur fantasies therefore he must actually be a voyeur’. But at the same time I do find it icky him thinking of our friends for his own pleasure, especially when the thought of at least one of them (annoyingly the one I consider to be the most physically attractive) doing a poo actually makes him climax. I guess I need to wait and see how things develop in my head and with him.

OP posts:

AAudreyHorne · 29/06/2025 10:57

Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them

But you said this in your opening post.
It's just a fantasy.... "there's no way I'd ever actually do them".

If that's the case, why are you so disgusted by his fantasy? Can he not have 'shameful' fantasies too if that's all they are?

DOCTORCEE · 29/06/2025 11:01

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 07:09

It was the ‘God forbid’ option at the end.

It was all voyeur stuff. Shower, sex, loo.

I’m not sure I worry about him actually doing that stuff. I’ve fantasised about everyone from Brad Pitt to the postman over the years and have never actually tried to shag either of them. It was more just the topic.

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Yeah poo related stuff is a real turn on for some - I think it’s called scat …? 🤢

Original poster

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 11:03

AAudreyHorne · 29/06/2025 10:57

Fantasies are fine. I have my own and frankly I wouldn’t be entirely shame-free if in the cold light of day I had to describe the ones which sometimes got me off. There’s no way I’d ever actually do them

But you said this in your opening post.
It's just a fantasy.... "there's no way I'd ever actually do them".

If that's the case, why are you so disgusted by his fantasy? Can he not have 'shameful' fantasies too if that's all they are?

Yes he can I suppose.

I guess the difference is that he’s unlikely to come across the subjects of mine in every day life. The more I think about it, the more it’s this aspect that bothers me more than the toilet stuff.

I am literally going to the gym on Tuesday with the woman he and I have known for over ten years.
‘So how’ve you been? Any news?’
And whilst I will say ‘Yeah all good thanks!’ I’ll actually be thinking
’Well actually I found out the other day that the thought of you pooing makes your old friend and my current boyfriend come. So anyway, how are you?!’

OP posts:

Greenfields20 · 29/06/2025 11:04

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 11:03

Yes he can I suppose.

I guess the difference is that he’s unlikely to come across the subjects of mine in every day life. The more I think about it, the more it’s this aspect that bothers me more than the toilet stuff.

I am literally going to the gym on Tuesday with the woman he and I have known for over ten years.
‘So how’ve you been? Any news?’
And whilst I will say ‘Yeah all good thanks!’ I’ll actually be thinking
’Well actually I found out the other day that the thought of you pooing makes your old friend and my current boyfriend come. So anyway, how are you?!’

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Have you known this guy for over 10 years as a friend?

Original poster

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 11:12

Greenfields20 · 29/06/2025 11:04

Have you known this guy for over 10 years as a friend?

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No. He has known her for over ten years. We met much more recently, through mutual friends. She is now my friend too.

OP posts:

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 11:15

Foolonthepill · 29/06/2025 11:12

No. He has known her for over ten years. We met much more recently, through mutual friends. She is now my friend too.

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So you need to figure out if it is ok, for you, that a man sees his friends as sexual objects for him to secretly gratify himself over, and that you have willingly joined in (and he prob expects you to again).

Nope, this wouldn't be for me.

Zippp · 29/06/2025 11:18

One word:

ick

you can’t undo the ick. This one is not for keeps.

LittleMonks11 · 29/06/2025 11:23

Poo peccadillos aside, I think it was very disrespectful of him to mention real life friends in this fecal fantasy. How did he think that would be ok by you? He could easily have just said ‘a woman’. How does he treat you in the day to day?

FancyCatSlave · 29/06/2025 11:24

Treatedme · 29/06/2025 07:29

I would end a relationship over this.

The whole ‘it’s just a fantasy, you did ask’ thing is nonsense. This fantasy tells you something about him. If a man fantasized about racially abusing women, you’d know he is a racist. If a man fantasized about cutting women, you’d know he is a misogynist. You wouldn’t think ‘aw, isn’t it lovely he trusts me enough to tell me’. It’s just boundary eroding shit that women are encouraged to think all this.

This man is a voyeur and a fetishist. I’d never feel safe that he hadn’t set up cameras. there was a case a few years back of a man who used to occasionally joke amongst his friends that he’d put cameras in their bathrooms. He had. ( he was also a prolific and sadistic online sex offender).

And OP, these are not even anonymous women, he’s fantasizing about his friends.

I would absolutely end it with this man. He likes eroding boundaries and feeling in control of women, so eroding yours whilst you felt obliged to keep on ‘servicing’ him, by telling you all that was probably a big part of the turn on for him.

I’d dump him without hesitation. It’s that old saying ‘when people tell you who they are, believe them. He’s very clearly told you who he is. Believe him.

Edited

This is nonsense.

I have many a fantasy involving peopleI know but there is absolutely no blurring of reality and fantasy. I do not want to actually do any of the things. How I behave in a sexual way in my head is absolutely no reflection of how I behave in real life - it certainly is not me “telling someone who I really am”.

Branleuse · 29/06/2025 11:27

Wow, he really went for it didnt he?

Id have thought that most people would have been able to think up a fantasy that didn't involve sneakily watching real life friends take a shit.
Just because you said you wouldn't be upset, doesn't mean you are just chill and cool with anything and everything.
Hes either spectacularly unaware, or this is the tip of the iceberg to much weirder stuff.

Im a bit surprised that period sex is a no-no, but thinking about secretly watching his female friends doing a poo makes him come.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 11:30

FancyCatSlave · 29/06/2025 11:24

This is nonsense.

I have many a fantasy involving peopleI know but there is absolutely no blurring of reality and fantasy. I do not want to actually do any of the things. How I behave in a sexual way in my head is absolutely no reflection of how I behave in real life - it certainly is not me “telling someone who I really am”.

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Reasonable people would make 100% sure their partner is ok with joining in with a sexual fantasy about mutual friends, though, and not just spring it on them, with a dollop of poo for good measure. OP is allowed to feel disgusted.

KPPlumbing · 29/06/2025 11:32

ginasevern · 29/06/2025 10:17

Most hetero men fantasise about their female friends but they'll rately act on it unless the opportunity presents itself. Women kid themselves if they think their lovely male friends never think about them sexually.

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No of course they do. But even in a "be as honest as you like" conversation, I'd expect a man with half a brain to leave the friends aspect out of it.

ginasevern · 29/06/2025 11:35

KPPlumbing · 29/06/2025 11:32

No of course they do. But even in a "be as honest as you like" conversation, I'd expect a man with half a brain to leave the friends aspect out of it.

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Totally agree, but a lot of men haven't got half a brain either.