Daughter 14 is dating an American who's 17

[Lunarises]

Just like the title says. Found out tonight my daughters over sea bf is 17 yes he lives in America. They speak daily on phone allday all night he literally says I love you a million times a day. And now becoming clingy she made a Spotify playlist with her friend and he said he didn't feel comfortable because it's a dude she did it with and he's been cheated on before. My question is do I let this relationship fizzle out or do I end this. I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Take all her gadgets so she can't speak to him and her have a melt down or do I let this fizzle out I no I will have people telling me I am a terrible parent no need already feel like one. I just need advice

Is he really a 17 year old boy?

teach her, tell her exactly why his response is wrong. Give her the understanding of the red flags involved in this.

removing it is just romanticising the relationship and giving it a sense of Romeo and Juliet and isn’t giving her tools
to cope.

work out boundaries together how much contact works etc

Hopefully they'll never meet and it'll fizzle out. But I'd have a very serious chat with your daughter about allowing a boy to tell her what she can and can't do, and who she can and can't be friends with. She needs to understand that men and boys who do that are unhinged and best avoided.

I would worry they are not 17, and trying to groom her. Others will have advice as to what is best to do as not been in this situation myself.

Yes I've most definitely had that talk today with her as I was there when he said it. And she told him whilst I was there that what he's doing is controlling and isn't acceptable

He's definitely 17 and I've spoken to her about red flags she's also told him what he's doing is controlling and unacceptable

So first off nothing in the room at night - she is 14 that is a sensible and appropriate boundary.

They speak daily on phone allday all night

Really?

Why does she have access to tech 24/7? Did you never have a limit like all tech downstairs by 8?

erm… why does she have WiFi and devices to do this on?

has she actually seen him?

I'd ask her to do a FaceTime as you want to, 'meet him...'

I hope she is not being coerced into sending inappropriate material over to him. The pressure is real for these kids, and if he is like this, love bombing her multiple times a day with I love you´s then he will try to request things of off her.

Education on coercive control, and potential grooming. Kids today are exposed to things and can easily become influenced and shamed into doing things they would otherwise never do. This boy is trouble.

Christ.
Just be a fucking parent?
and like others have mentioned, I doubt he’s a 17 y/o boy 🙄

There was a really sad case where a 12 year old committed suicide after a 26 year old manipulated her into sending nude pictures then threatened to blackmail her

Because she's going into gcse and has them for work

I never did as a child

And how is that working out for you now, with your daughter?

I've face timed him and spoken to his mother he's definitely 17 lol and I most definitely am being a parent

The judginess is oozing out of you. Please tell me if you was in this situation what would u do?. Let me guess not care about your child's feelings be the big bad wolf and scoop there stuff up? And hope for the best please tell me

RosaMaline: Parenting is hard at times for most parents. OP is seeking advice. Pls don’t be so dismissive.

‘Lol’
just proves how seriously you’re taking this.
Probably made up.
if it’s true, they’re not ‘dating’ ad they’ve never met.

Exactly 👍
she ain’t dating
she’s being GROOMED !!
come on !!!

I have seen him and spoken to his mother I've also told him to cut out the I love yous and the getting jealous over her being friends with other boys

Being groomed by a 17 year old boy? I mean most times she's in the same room as me whilst speaking to him?

I would install parental controls and/or take the phone off her overnight. This isn’t rocket science.

And how seriously would you take this Mary Poppins? Please tell me. She comes to me with everything which is what I'd rather instead of her lying to me. Me just whisking her devices away would push her away and she'd find a way to contact him in secret!