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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

494 replies

sad2025 · 26/06/2025 22:57

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
sad2025 · 27/06/2025 11:18

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 27/06/2025 11:11

Hang on a minute, he has foisted a dog on you to keep you from going out when you want???

Surely being single would be so much easier than putting up with this utter BS.

Tell him it's over and embrace a life of doing what you want when you want with no one to pout about it.

Edited

No he got a dog and then didn’t like her, so I let her stay with me
she is great by the way, makes a massive difference to my life and we have a solo holiday booked without him to a dog festival 😊

OP posts:
thisoldcity · 27/06/2025 11:25

A solo holiday to a dog festival sounds just what you need right now! Dump him and keep the dog he rejected and have fun with her and other dog people.

TicTac80 · 27/06/2025 11:28

Dump the man and keep the dog (if you can!). He sounds vile and so controlling!

IsabelleLeduc · 27/06/2025 11:29

Absolutely not the point of the thread, but I have no dog and would LOVE to go to a dog festival!!

starfishmummy · 27/06/2025 11:30

sad2025 · 26/06/2025 23:27

I always feel anxious when I go out as I know he doesn’t like it deep down
he asked me “what my body count is” the other week and became cross when I wouldn’t give him a figure
he is always telling me he knows I have another boyfriend

That's it then. In his mind you can't possibly go out and enjoy yourself unless there's a man involved.

StopStartStop · 27/06/2025 11:30

Put a stop to this.
You shouldn't be anxious all the time, trying to please him.
He shouldn't be trying to make you feel bad because you had a night out. He's trying to put you off going out again.
Recognise his behaviour for what it is - controlling, abusive.
And tell him to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck... and mean it.
Keep the dog.

0ctavia · 27/06/2025 11:31

So who owns the dog legally ? Even if he doesn’t want the dog, he might demand her back when you dump him. He could do it just to punish you.

Maybe you should play along with him for a week or two. Then tell him you need paperwork for the dog festival showing that you own the dog, tell him it’s for their insurance / vet insurance / whatever. There are plenty people on the animal lover boards here who will help you make up a convincing story.

Then once you have the paperwork for the dog, dump his controlling arse.

FluentAquaMoose · 27/06/2025 11:33

thisoldcity · 27/06/2025 11:25

A solo holiday to a dog festival sounds just what you need right now! Dump him and keep the dog he rejected and have fun with her and other dog people.

exactly this. I absolutely adore my dog and the fun times we have. i'm interested in that dog festival 😃

TwistedWonder · 27/06/2025 11:34

Tahlbias · 27/06/2025 10:40

That's all I'm reading lately on here is about controlling, vile men! Why do we women put up with it??

Yep. If I had a £ for every thread saying ‘my partner is a great guy he’s kind and caring but……’ followed by more red flags than a communist party rally.

Original poster
sad2025 · 27/06/2025 11:40

0ctavia · 27/06/2025 11:31

So who owns the dog legally ? Even if he doesn’t want the dog, he might demand her back when you dump him. He could do it just to punish you.

Maybe you should play along with him for a week or two. Then tell him you need paperwork for the dog festival showing that you own the dog, tell him it’s for their insurance / vet insurance / whatever. There are plenty people on the animal lover boards here who will help you make up a convincing story.

Then once you have the paperwork for the dog, dump his controlling arse.

I do
I changed her chip over and she is registered at the vets to me

OP posts:
Jacopo · 27/06/2025 11:42

Oh for heaven’s sake, dump him today and get on with enjoying the rest of your life.

Original poster
sad2025 · 27/06/2025 11:42

FluentAquaMoose · 27/06/2025 11:33

exactly this. I absolutely adore my dog and the fun times we have. i'm interested in that dog festival 😃

Show quote history

It’s a dog camping thing over two nights , Im looking forward to it 😊
The dog has a pool party this weekend and a beach morning on Monday

OP posts:
Fernticket · 27/06/2025 11:45

Coffeequeen123 · 26/06/2025 23:13

He’s training you to not go out without him again. Classic sign of a toxic and controlling man. Next time, you may turn down the work events, which is what he wants. Get rid.

This.🚩🚩🚩

0ctavia · 27/06/2025 11:46

Just a warning @sad2025 - he WONT go quietly and just sulk. he will work very hard to punish you for leaving . So think of all the ways he could possibly harm you and ry to pre empt any. Eg does he has passwords to anything ? If so change them. Not just the bank, things like Netflix, electricity account.

eg my ex changed the address for our car ( which he had agreed I could keep, I paid him for it ) to his new house. Then he cancelled the insurance, so I was driving our kids around in an uninsured vehicle.

Bobnobob · 27/06/2025 12:02

The silent treatment is abusive and damaging. It’s doesnt matter what you have ‘done’. In a healthy relationship you tell the other person you are upset and why and talk it through. If they have done something that you genuinely can’t get past then you end the relationship.

muggart · 27/06/2025 12:05

he thinks he can gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong because you had a few drinks. but he can’t, because you weren’t drunk.
he’s a knob.
You should ghost him it would drive him up the wall to not be able to get a reaction out of you.

DinaofCloud9 · 27/06/2025 12:08

Now you've been mentioning the dog I realise I have read this thread before.

SoMuchBadAdvice · 27/06/2025 12:10

I think that I am correct in saying that every single message on this thread says DUMP.

Further, nearly all say do it now, today.

Is there anything else to say?

FrenchandSaunders · 27/06/2025 12:13

How old are you OP? Similar age to him or younger?

Tofana · 27/06/2025 12:15

Please listen to the women who have experienced this behaviour creep into full scale abuse.
I am also another member of this club. Please listen to us and break up with him. We don’t want any more members in our club. We don’t want you writing this to future women.
Please don’t waste time on this twat or worse your safety, protect your mental wellness. Protect your physical wellbeing. That anxious feeling you have in your stomach, scared you did something although your brain is sure you didn’t? Mind games. And once they don’t work you’ll be slapped around.
You aren’t welcome in this club. Go and be free and happy. Please 🙏

SunDash · 27/06/2025 12:22

He's making his pitch to control you. You ve done nothing wrong. Ask him to grow up, or buzz off.

Ohtobemycat · 27/06/2025 12:24

He is a prick. This is a red flag. Tell him to grow up or get out.
One message to him," hi mr twatface,. If you dont want to explain then I am not going to waste energy thinking about it. I have my own life as well as our relationship and that will not change. I em entitled to sleep on the sofa if i so choose, go out when I choose and drink as much as I choose and if this isnt what you expect from a relationship then we are over. If there is some other reason you are upsrt then please explain and we can talk like adults about it. Other than that, i have nothing more to say on the matter."

Lindy2 · 27/06/2025 12:24

He's punishing you for having a life that doesn't revolve 100% around him. He doesn't like you going out.

The long term intention is to stop you having a social life and to limit your contact with friends.

I think you've seen enough to know that this relationship isn't good enough.

Thank goodness you're don't live with him and you can simply end this controlling relationship.

It sounds like you have a lot of good things going on. Don't let this bloke drag you down.

gsiftpoffu · 27/06/2025 12:24

sad2025 · 27/06/2025 11:04

I wasn’t that drunk,it’s a one off to collect me as we don’t live together, and it was a three minute journey from my place to the station but would have taken me 25 mins to walk it
I was happy tipsy because I had a nice evening
I genuinely rarely go out late because I have to dog to sort out cover for
that’s the only reason for him to come over ( it’s actually his dog but that’s another issue)

Show quote history

Yes and in the rest of my post you can see that I said that he'd been complaining about other things which indicates it's all his problem and that you weren't that drunk or doing this regularly to the point where it could get annoying and piss him off.

He's just a wanker I'm afraid and if you got rid of him you could enjoy more happy evenings with your friends without having to worry about him being a pain in the arse when you get home.

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:25

It’s a unanimous YANBU, OP!

he sounds like a prick