He's left me.

[BookishBabe]

16 years together, married for 12, 2 disabled DS.
I've never felt so alone, or not good enough, or not worthy. I am absolutely broken, I begged him to stay and try harder, but he left.
I can't sleep, where do I go from here?

If you go for 50 50 contact, a week with you then a week with him, see how long the OW will stick around.

Oh no, she loves kids. And especially loves our kids. Part of me wonders if she targeted him so she could be a part of our kids lives.
(I say targeted, but obviously he left completely willingly without a backward glance, he hasn't been forced, it was his choice. I think there has been an emotional affair for a while).

Or she's pretending to love your children, to persuade him that she's a good bargain.

I promise you no matter how golden his cock is other peoples kids are hard work. Let her at the parenting with him. She is incredibly unlikely to find it sexy. A depressed married man with 2 kids is basically the antidote to sexy.

Definitely, other people's children soon become a chore.
You only have to read the step-parenting board on here to realise that.

@BookishBabe. I’m so sorry that this sad excuse for a husband has treated you so very poorly.

but I have to say, reading your updates was absolutely inspiring.

you sound like an incredibly resilient, emotionally intelligent and strong woman.

Your boys are so blessed to have you , and your stupid husband will no doubt regret blowing his life up for a bit of a shag about.

You however, are shining with good grace and he is very fortunate that you are being so reasonable and balanced toward him in hoping for a good competent relationship and even friendship … because what he has done is appalling and he actually doesn’t deserve to be your friend. I’m not sure I’d show such grace in your situation!

im sending you love and support from afar. Keep that fire in your belly burning and hold your ground.

You got this xxx

Couldn't have said it better. 100% agree

I've managed a bit of sleep, not much. Just keep having nightmares of him shagging OW, except it isn't nightmares, and I wake up the fact that this is my life now.
I have always been utterly devoted to him, he was the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep and the first thing I thought about when I woke up, which didn't seem like a bad thing when he had his arms around me.
But now, it hurts so, so much.

I'm reaching out everywhere for support, I just want someone, somewhere to make me feel better.
But it's not working.

Jesus christ. I've read about affairs on here plenty but the way he's openly talking about going on a date instead of seeing the kids suggests a kind of callousness you don't come across often. So callous in fact that I wonder about the rest of the relationship and how worthy he ever was of devotion.

You're going to get through this. Trust everyone here. All the anger and pain eventually turns to quite a detached observation about the relationship, and their character. You're being exceptionally graceful despite it all.

Well, he spent the night with the OW. Her kid, who is in our youngest kids class was there. And they've told him they're together. So our boys don't hear it from school, I've had to sit the boys down and explain there is an OW.
He's also told me they've been planning our kids bedroom for her house.
He left on Tuesday afternoon.

I am shocked! This is why you need a solicitor, if you want full custody so he doesn't get to play happy family with her and she's in your boys life so soon so much. I know you're in the fog, but you got to protect yourself and your boys.

He’s UNBELIEVABLE and so is she. Can I urge you to get in quick and notify school - also how SOON this all is. The boys might need some additional support at school - especially if her youngest starts talking about his new ‘brother’. Fucking ridiculous

As they both have disabilities, they already have some 1 on 1 support throughout the day.
The school have been really good, they knew about the OW but knew I was trying to protect them from it.
Not sure why, I just thought it might hurt them more, but they did keep asking if Daddy was coming back and I had to keep telling them no. At least now they know that he isn't coming back and why.
The safeguarding officer picked them up and dropped them off yesterday so I didn't have to see her on the school run, and the same is happening today. They'll be here soon and I'll let them know more information about what has transpired.

I'm just thinking he's absolutely lost his mind. 3 days ago he was in bed with me. 4 days ago I was sucking his dick. A week ago she saw us do a school run together and he was holding me, kissing me and telling me he loves me, in front of her. Its really like I'm in a bad dream.

@BookishBabe that's just bloody demented. Jesus christ.

I don’t pity this OW at all but he’s probably been telling her there has been no intimacy with you for a long time. I do feel sorry for her son though. Poor kid.
He’s clearly got himself caught up in a whirlwind where real life has flown out of the window. He has absolutely no concerns for his own children and how they will adjust.
And soon he will be leaving his toenail clippings in the bath, she will be on childcare duties wondering what on earth she’s got herself into,
All that matters now is you and your children. It’s great the school has been so supportive.
As for OW how desperate is she to behave like this? Pathetic

He said "no point getting them used to one routine and then changing it again later, might aswell get them used to the new normal which is me and OW".
I told him, you've both got some serious rose tinted glasses on, there might be some shagging hormones hanging about, but you couldn't make it work with me, what makes you think you two are long term?
He had no reply except that, "its serious between us".

It sounds like their affair must have been going on for a long time, and maybe her seeing you 2 kiss last week made her upset and she gave him an ultimatum. Sounds they're gonna try to walk all over you, like you're a nuisance to their fairy tale.

If he was that serious about her why was he sleeping with you a few days ago?
He cheated on you with her… And now (without either of you knowing) he’s cheated on her with you.
What a prince. A delusional one.

Great advice here

How utterly brazen and heartless.

I have to agree with whoever said that he doesn't sound worthy of the pedestal on which you placed him @BookishBabe

I hate to mention this but you need an STI check @BookishBabe

I think an emotional affair has been going on for a while, but honestly, he's been off sick from work 6 months and the only time he left the house was to do the school run. I genuinely don't think they've been shagging longer.
But I'll probably get an STI check anyway as he might have cheated before now if hes willing to do this now.

He is a horrible bastard honestly I am so sorry you are going through this I really am.

I have been really impressed with how the school are handling it. Not only the support they are giving my boys, but me aswell.
They saw i was struggling when they picked the boys up, came right back and let me talk and cry for 2 hours. Just listened to everything, then we talked about some practical advice for the boys and how to make their lives better.
I just wish their dad could be more worried about how they are adjusting rather than throwing his new life in their face.