“Pillow Princess” jibe unfair?

[Thestoryof]

Been seeing my BF/partner for almost a year. We were talking about keeping things fresh and he said last week that in the spirit of honesty he’d mention that he thought I was a bit of a “pillow princess”.
I thought this meant someone who doesn’t put the effort it in bed. As far as I’m concerned I do. I’m always very well groomed, sometimes dress up for him, have no issue at all going on top and always give him oral as part of foreplay. It’s pretty vanilla generally but I think I’m generous and never expect to receive anything I wouldn’t give back.

He said he meant that he spends ages going down on me whilst I just lie there. There is some truth in that, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Our normal sex involves that for a while (not ages IMO) because that’s how I orgasm. Then afterwards we have PIV so that he gets his.

I kept my upset to myself when he said these things but we have had sex twice since and I secretly timed things to see if he was being mad or I was (maybe I was mad to time things!). On both occasions he went down on me until I came but it was for under ten minutes. We then had PIV for about five minutes until he came, once with him on top the whole time and once with me on top at the end.

Is this “pillow princess” behaviour? It’s not like he’s down there for an hour then I just lie back and think of England.

You probably don't know this but it's so much more tiring giving a blow job than it is going down on a woman.

I don't think ten minutes is a long time at all. It seems I'm wrong though so maybe you could set timers so five minutes for kissing, five minutes each for oral and five minutes for sex. I wasn't aware that men found ten minutes of oral sex boring but seems I'm wrong about that too. You could put Radio 4 on in the background.

I'd be bored rigid if I had to do oral for 10 minutes. Can't he go on his phone whilst he's doing it? That's how I cope with brushing my teeth for four minutes.

well find a guy that loves doing it…I joke obviously but I was seeing a guy who loved oral more than PIV and would just stay down there for like 30mins. I couldn’t also stay silent and not move I do find that slightly odd if imagine giving a guy oral and he was like that. But each to their own and that’s how you are so don’t get in your head over it. I would talk to your partner and see what he means/wants. Can you try it in different positions, maybe try restraints etc just mix it up. I know you mentioned your not keen on toys and tbh I wasn’t and could orgasm with them until I got a clitoral stimulator and my god it’s amazing and much closer to the sensation of oral. But please please don’t get in your head about silent comments etc

me three
no, me four

I thought I was normal! and the absence of noise as a PP said can be habit from having DC in the house

I’m also absolutely silent in bed, OP. I’ve just always assumed people making a noise are putting it on.

Neh. I just reckon it’s like how people have different pain thresholds. Some people sprain their ankle and are silent, others scream the house down. It’s just like that but with pleasure rather than pain. Although I do wonder how the screamers manage when they actually need to be quiet.

I bite down on a pillow or something ... anyway ...

No that is not weird, stop over thinking it. He has made you feel uncomfortable and that’s a little unfair. What does he want, full on theatrics. It’s real life not a porn movie.

No you are not weird at all, actually you sound lovely. What a strange phrase to use about your girlfriend. Find a better boyfriend who will appreciate you.

I've been with my DH for 21 years now. We don't act like porn stars but there is a bit of my that feels good, carry on doing that etc.

I think OP needs to speak to her BF and see if they are both happy. I've not been as compatible with my ex partners than I am with my DH.

@Thestoryof So you’re silent, motionless for 8/9!minutes and you don’t understand why he called you a pillow princess?
Do you enjoy it sex or is it purely functional for orgasam? I’d be mortified if my partner was unresponsive during sex

Pillow princess is much more descriptive of someone who doesn't give and only receives though, not someone who takes their time to orgasm, so he's being a dick about that. Usually in wlw relationships it's when they only ever enjoy being touched and pleasured and not returning the favour. It's hard to apply the same principle to a heterosexual relationship I think because the PIV element is active and pleasurable for both! I don't think 10 minutes is too long for oral at all but I'd be out off at the idea of him timing it and implying he doesn't enjoy it. Nothing sexy about that!! It would put me off sex with him if I'm honest, not very attractive to be moaning about making someone feel good, part of being good in bed should be about enjoying sex and aiming for your partner to enjoy it too surely!

An update for anyone interested. We talked last night. I said that I thought the PP remark was a bit harsh and that I always gave as good as I got. He agreed and apologised but said he just meant it got a bit boring down there! So you guys were right!

I explained that I felt like I needed it, and that I enjoyed it regardless. He explained what he’d enjoy more of too. It was a good conversation!

When we went to bed later it was lovely and I think we’d both listened to the other. I was a happy girl and he said it felt great too. So that’s all good!

Is he happy for you to continue being a pillow princess for 10 mins? What’s changed? I’m not sure I could relax and enjoy anymore if he said he found it boring

Great result OP!

I haven't read every page of this thread, but it's left me feeling very inadequate. I've never orgasmed within 10 minutes of oral and I've never had any man comment on that. Most men I've been with have complimented me on my oral skills, but they've needed longer than 10 minutes to cum too. I don't do the same action the entire time I'm giving oral and neither have they, so maybe that's the problem.

We agreed that it needs to be part of things, and it was fine.

Aw brilliant update OP- well done!!! Love it when folk get to a good conversation and outcome! 🥰

What does he expect you to do while you receive oral pleasure? Sing Rule Britannia or recite The Lord's Prayer?

Thanks. I was pleased too. I made it clear to him that he satisfies me and gives me fantastic pleasure, and that I want to do the same for him without things being boring. I explained that me being quite still and silent doesn’t mean that I’m bored, but actually means I’m just focusing on how good it feels.

He was relieved and pleased we could be so open. He said that he didn’t want me to change if I didn’t want to.

We had lovely sex last night. We both came, both expressed gratitude and love, and it was just really nice. I was so pleased.

I'd like to know what the equivalent term is for men because my last partner never went down on me. Said he'd only done it once in his life or not at all, I can't quite remember (he was nearly 50 when we split up). I did it for him all the time.

I would be really cringed out by any straight man who wasn't - at best extremely keen - and as a minimum - willing - to perform oral sex. There's something I find really unmasculine about not wanting to do it.

I love giving oral to a woman. It turns me on greatly. I don't even care if they don't give it to me, although I obviously prefer if they do...😜

I completely agree with this. I have no experience of a (straight) man not wanting to spend as long as he could down there!! I’d find it extremely odd if a man didn’t want to.

Only reason I sometimes don't is if it's like Hong Kong Harbour on a sweltering day down there...