“Pillow Princess” jibe unfair?

[Thestoryof]

Been seeing my BF/partner for almost a year. We were talking about keeping things fresh and he said last week that in the spirit of honesty he’d mention that he thought I was a bit of a “pillow princess”.
I thought this meant someone who doesn’t put the effort it in bed. As far as I’m concerned I do. I’m always very well groomed, sometimes dress up for him, have no issue at all going on top and always give him oral as part of foreplay. It’s pretty vanilla generally but I think I’m generous and never expect to receive anything I wouldn’t give back.

He said he meant that he spends ages going down on me whilst I just lie there. There is some truth in that, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Our normal sex involves that for a while (not ages IMO) because that’s how I orgasm. Then afterwards we have PIV so that he gets his.

I kept my upset to myself when he said these things but we have had sex twice since and I secretly timed things to see if he was being mad or I was (maybe I was mad to time things!). On both occasions he went down on me until I came but it was for under ten minutes. We then had PIV for about five minutes until he came, once with him on top the whole time and once with me on top at the end.

Is this “pillow princess” behaviour? It’s not like he’s down there for an hour then I just lie back and think of England.

He said he meant that he spends ages going down on me whilst I just lie there. There is some truth in that, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Yes she has.

This 100% In the fucking bin with the pillock.

Calling you names? How dare he?

She went on to talk only about not making any noise. The point still stands. He wants a vocal performance instead of the feedback from her body.

Maybe we are all pillow princesses...

Yes. Sighing maybe but that’s it.

Maybe you need to stop thinking you need to orgasm every time, and therefore need the 10 minutes of oral as that’s going to make it harder for you to mix things up.

Im not saying your pleasure isn’t a priority but what you need to orgasm sounds very rigid and rules out the possibility of a quicky, mixing things up etc.

Maybe you could take the pressure off orgasming for a few weeks and try some other things to see if you find other things you like and that may make you orgasm as well.

either way though He’s a twat for the pillow princes remark.

Watch Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally OP and do that?🤣

Honestly, if my dh said that to me and was so miffed about giving oral he'd be given short shrift - sadly I think a lot of men these days expect women to be acting like porn stars. I'm a moaner personally but I rarely give oral and dh does it every time for me - but that's our preference. You're maybe just not matched sexually 🤷‍♀️

10 minutes for oral is quite long though so maybe his tongue gets tired lol.

I also don't think 10 minutes is that long! Sounds like he's bored with the repetition of the whole process though, if it's the same every time? No other positions, no exploring each other's bodies in other ways? The best sex I've ever had involved every part of my body from my feet to my hair!

when he’s getting a blow job what is he doing? Lying back and sitting there? I don’t understand what you’re suppose to do?

He is crazy! What does he want you to do??

I’m a silent person in bed. As is my husband. We do have some quiet moans or some quiet words. I think it’s to do with having sex at home when people are sleeping and we just can’t get out of it.

He gets oral, you get oral and orgasm then he gets to orgasm through PIV. Sounds healthy.

I would speak to him at a completely separate time when sex is not happing. Tell him how he has made you feel. Ask him for clarification. Ask if he is not happy. What could you both do differently to make it better?

has he wondered how much you enjoy giving him
a blow job?

maybe you do - but lots of women don’t but still do it

his underlying views on sex are pretty grim

What a prat. He’s heard the term somewhere leapt at the opportunity to use it despite not understanding what it actually means. Of course you’re offended!
fwiw I sleep with women. 10 minutes is quick, it can take 20 if not more for the average woman, and it’s extremely enjoyable to ‘perform’ on someone you’re sexually attracted to.
The ‘silence’ bit is normal. Most women need to concentrate, or keep still once it’s hitting the spot. Thrashing around or being unnaturally vocal would snap them out of the pleasure. Once again: prat.

OP the way you describe how you and your partner have sex is exactly (and I mean exactly!) the way I like to have sex. I can only exclusively orgasm through oral (which is extremely common) and I also love it. So if sex didn’t include oral and an orgasm for me every time I wouldn’t be all that interested to be honest.

My DH will do oral on me first until I orgasm, then we do PIV until he orgasms. You actually sound more “adventurous” than I am to be honest, so I wouldn’t worry about that at all. When he’s doing oral I’m pretty still, especially if he hits a particularly good spot, I wouldn’t want to move at that point! There’s often heavy breathing as I get closer, but only when it’s natural. I’m not a porn star, I don’t need to moan loudly.

I had a boyfriend in my 20’s who complained that he didn’t like the way we had sex. My DH seems to enjoy it, or no complaints to my face anyway! It could just be that you’re not compatible sexually, but if you’re happy to mix it up a bit then worth a try, as long as you’re not compromising the part of sex that you really enjoy/need, and not doing something that feels unnatural to you.

I completely agree with this whole comment.

I would recommend stopping the oral at 9 minutes one day to see if you could finish from the PIV finale.. (works for me😅) But before you get to any of that I hope you can address how his comment made you feel.

I think the way you are feeling after his comments are really reasonable, OP.

Personally, I’d be honest with him and let him know how they made you feel. You shouldn’t have to put on a performance for someone.

Either he’ll seek to reassure you or he won’t. If the latter, I think it will be hard to enjoy sex with him going forward.

If you’re silent he might not be doing it right but you do orgasm so you must be feeling something. How are you able to receive oral sex without any movement or even a sigh of pleasure?

How weird. Sex twins! Ha!

Maybe I move a bit I suppose. I don’t really know. And I probably do sigh as well a bit. I just like it but don’t need to move or make noise, that’s all. Still feels amazing though.

🤣🤣
I often wondered over the years if the way I like to have sex is unusual/boring, only because of the comments from the ex boyfriend. Comments like that and what your boyfriend has said to you can really stick with you for a long time.
So it’s actually really comforting to hear yours and others experiences on this thread, and just feel like I’m a normal woman having normal healthy sex lol

I remember I once wore very sexy lingerie and did a striptease for a boyfriend. I felt ridiculous. It just wasn’t me. When i was youngI had what men considered a sexy look and thought I should perform accordingly. I love vanilla sex but never met a man I was compatible with on that front. That is why i am now a pope.

I think a lot of people are making assumptions that he’s not happy with the lack of moans. That’s not what pillow princess means. It means someone who prefers to receive pleasure rather than give it. Which sounds untrue and unfair so yes I’d be taking that up with him.

People really centre Mens pleasure during sex, think that you should just accept not having orgasms because he might be bored! Come on

it sounds perfect to me too. sadly every man I have been with lost interest in that pretty quick and just wanted to fuck.
because I probably took 'too long'
and the more I was conscious of taking long, the less relaxed I was able to be until I just couldnt at all, or they just gave about 2 mins and I wished they hadnt bothered if they werent prepared to see it through.
Even people I had really fantastic sex with initially.
Now I just dont have any sex, and thats sad tbh.

and YY to the previous who say that IF you may have trouble reaching orgasm, that you need to concentrate / not move if they hit the spot because if you lose it, it will all go back to zilch.

And yes, that may be a personal inhibition issue, but those are only resolved by trust and relaxation - someone complaining you are getting more than you give isnt going to help either of those things.

Ive never had an orgasm, not alone or with a partner. How mean of him to complain that 10 minutes is too long.

Ive had partners try various things for much longer than that in the attempt.