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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know I'm about to be dumped...

226 replies

passionfruitfriday · 22/06/2025 19:08

I've been dating a chap for a couple of months and I know I'm about to be dumped, probably by text.
I'm not in wracking sobs. Maybe a bit sad, but there we go.
SO..... what's the best way to respond to a break up text? Silent treatment? A certain phrase? I'm curious.
The last break up was my marriage and I went hell for leather with the spiteful comments! LOL!

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 23/06/2025 13:28

@passionfruitfriday when you told him you were ending it, and why, did he try to talk you out of it, or argue in any way?

passionfruitfriday · 23/06/2025 13:45

He seemed a bit shocked. I dont now think he was going to dump me but like I said, I didn't feel comfortable him having meet ups with the ex, especially as he said they would probably meet up a few more times.
I met him as a "single" person but I now agree with others that I was probably a fun rebound for him. He said he doesn't know what the future may hold for then. Surely that's enough for me to close the door on this relationship?

OP posts:
sameshizz · 23/06/2025 14:04

Yeah , he needs to completely disconnect from his ex before dating again . You’ve handled this well .

JustMyView13 · 23/06/2025 14:07

Absolutely! There was a thread on here not so long back where a lady was with a guy who had ended his relationship with his love from back home. She thought things were good but long story short she caught them when the ex came to visit. If it was over for him, he’d go for the clean break. There’s obviously unfinished business and you’re better off out of it. You’ve done the right thing. Don’t give your heart to someone who’s emotionally unavailable.

MascaraGirl · 23/06/2025 14:14

passionfruitfriday · 23/06/2025 13:45

He seemed a bit shocked. I dont now think he was going to dump me but like I said, I didn't feel comfortable him having meet ups with the ex, especially as he said they would probably meet up a few more times.
I met him as a "single" person but I now agree with others that I was probably a fun rebound for him. He said he doesn't know what the future may hold for then. Surely that's enough for me to close the door on this relationship?

Edited

I think you are absolutely right - you're no one's Plan B

FallenFigs · 23/06/2025 14:26

This thread is interesting. OP I think you have done the right thing (in the right way) if he is still meeting up with ex to discuss their relationship.

As for how is best, I think it totally depends on the context not just length of relationship.

On occasion I have done the text thing, or received the text and it felt like that was ok for each context, and we moved on. I also have two situations where things were quite different…

I was seeing someone for 7 months, and they sent a blindsiding text (citing external factors). No way was that acceptable, I went to see him and we had a proper conversation. That gave me closure and also hopefully he learnt that a text isn’t respectful after that length of time. And that it is it possible to talk it through as grown ups, still end the relationship but having given each other space to talk.

On the other hand, I was seeing someone for 4 months or so but it was quite intense. Whole weekends together. He ended it by phone, but some of things he said were quite hurtful (essentially laying it at my door) and so for closure in that instance I wrote to him, and briefly explained the impact that sort of framing can have. We have since talked it through, I believe in a dignified and mature way.

In both situations, if I had simply sent a ‘thumbs up’ emoji or blocked him after the call, none of us would have had closure, or learnt anything.

I think my point is, in both the two detailed situations they were with men who were decent, emotionally articulate (not the same as emotionally available) and not dicks.
Two different courses of action, in different contexts, but both of which resulted in adult, mature conversations where we can away with respect for another’s perspectives and emotions.

RaspberryPavlovaPlease · 23/06/2025 15:09

passionfruitfriday · 23/06/2025 13:45

He seemed a bit shocked. I dont now think he was going to dump me but like I said, I didn't feel comfortable him having meet ups with the ex, especially as he said they would probably meet up a few more times.
I met him as a "single" person but I now agree with others that I was probably a fun rebound for him. He said he doesn't know what the future may hold for then. Surely that's enough for me to close the door on this relationship?

Edited

If he's unsure how it will pan out with his ex then it's not right he is dating other women. Either it's over or it's not. You don't want to be on the back burner in case they don't get back together. I hope you made that clear to him.

I know this is easy to say, but maybe be a bit cooler with men when it's only weeks into seeing them. Even if you didn't know his ex was trying to talk to him you presumably knew he was just out of a long term set up? It's easy to get swept along on the chemistry and great sex - you did say it was 'intense ' but maybe he was not being honest with himself over what he wanted (and if his ex was really an ex.)

I don't think he was going to dump you. I think you wanted to dump him as you weren't happy with the ex around and were looking for some validation here over what to do- which is fine.

bigkahunaburger · 23/06/2025 15:24

I think you did the right thing OP - Id have done the same. What did you say in the phone call? How did you end it?
Id have done it nicely, said how much I liked him and enjoyed his company, but considering what he was saying and behaving towards his ex, I didn't think the timing was right, and I would wish him well.

HOpe you are ok.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 23/06/2025 16:55

passionfruitfriday · 23/06/2025 13:45

He seemed a bit shocked. I dont now think he was going to dump me but like I said, I didn't feel comfortable him having meet ups with the ex, especially as he said they would probably meet up a few more times.
I met him as a "single" person but I now agree with others that I was probably a fun rebound for him. He said he doesn't know what the future may hold for then. Surely that's enough for me to close the door on this relationship?

Edited

It depends what you’re looking for really. I would have been okay with that, some short term ‘fun’ (🤮) with no commitment other than no sleeping with other people, if you start off knowing the lie of the land it’s fine. I guess the problem is that this issue with him meeting his ex came up unexpectedly, it wasn’t there from the beginning?

hideawayforever · 23/06/2025 23:14

Macarenas · 22/06/2025 20:53

No worries, all the best x

this would be my answer

Lighteningstrikes · 23/06/2025 23:27

You definitely did the right thing.

No one that was self respecting would put themselves into reserve position.

Subwaystop · 24/06/2025 19:02

So impressed with how you handled it op. Wishing you lots of luck. Keep looking after yourself like this.

Briergirl · 28/06/2025 18:17

Dump him first

Briergirl · 28/06/2025 18:18

Dump him first. Why wait?

sameshizz · 28/06/2025 18:51

Briergirl · 28/06/2025 18:18

Dump him first. Why wait?

She already has

Shmee1988 · 28/06/2025 18:53

If you know you're about to be dumped, why are you waiting to him it from them? Why not get in there first?

MascaraGirl · 28/06/2025 18:57

The OP has already updated the thread, she ended up dumping him! OP, has he been back in touch?

Thulpelly · 28/06/2025 19:11

GroovyChick87 · 22/06/2025 19:23

I'd say something like " ok, I appreciate your honesty. Take care".

Unless he’s been a prick, this is the only way to respond.

AlexStocks · 28/06/2025 19:53

passionfruitfriday · 22/06/2025 19:23

I did wonder if the best way was to be silent or to come across as 'not bothered'...

Why be not bothered? You are human and it's OK if you are or aren't, but at least acknowledging the text is in order.

whistlesandbells · 28/06/2025 21:06

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 22/06/2025 20:09

To me a thumbs up is too passive aggressive and makes you look more bothered. I would reply "I agree, its not working out for me either but it was nice to meet you, take care"

This is the one! 👌🏻

AmazonianWarrior · 29/06/2025 01:06

I’d say ‘No problem, all the best to you’

Or why not just dump him yourself?
’It’s been nice getting to know you but I’m just not feeling it, I would like to call it a day. Wishing you all the best.’

AmazonianWarrior · 29/06/2025 01:12

Charlize43 · 22/06/2025 20:27

Keep it mysterious and enigmatic: Text back 'Ta, luv.'

If you are over 30 then use the correct spelling of 'love.'

If you want to step it up more, send back the word 'Geneva' before deleting all his contact details.

What’s ‘Geneva’ (apart from a Swiss town)?
And why would you thank him and calm him luv/love when he’s dumping you?!

Confuseddotcom40 · 29/06/2025 05:30

catsand · 22/06/2025 20:21

What’s wrong with dumping by text? It’s only been a couple of months of dating, not a 20 year marriage! I’d much rather be dumped by text than sit through an awkward conversation that both sides would rather not be participating in.

I was dumped in person once. We were only seeing each other for a few weeks but I really really like him.

we met for a drink and he basically just said he doesn’t think it’s gonna work out. He was nice and caring about it and I was a little stunned. He gave me a hug and left. I da and finished my drink, trying to process what just happened, and was waiting to feel sad. But to my surprise the sadness never came. There was no confusion that comes from being dumped by text where you can’t quite gauge the tone, or trying to decipher the meaning.

it was refreshing.

ThisHonestGoldWriter · 29/06/2025 05:49

If someone is texting to end a short relationship, I'd respond along the lines of the other posters' suggestions and say, "Thanks for letting me know. I wish you all the best" and get on with your own life and forget about the person and don't loop back around. There's a big world out there with a lot of people in it. When I was younger, I used to get terribly hurt when faced with rejection. Now, I'm older, I'd tell my younger self not to let the disappointment go too deep and be grateful that the person who is saying no isn't wasting any more of your time. Time is such a precious commodity and we never know how much we have of it. You sound lovely and reasonable and the person who is saying no to you is not what you need. Cry a few tears, wipe them dry and get back out in the world. There's always new opportunities if you go looking for them and finding the right partner, like a good job, is frequently a numbers game!! Some get lucky and acquire a partner with not much effort but most people, I know it has been going out with a lot of people and seeing if they suit.

BluesBird19764 · 29/06/2025 19:37

“Sorry, who is this?”

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