I know I'm about to be dumped...

[passionfruitfriday]

I've been dating a chap for a couple of months and I know I'm about to be dumped, probably by text.
I'm not in wracking sobs. Maybe a bit sad, but there we go.
SO..... what's the best way to respond to a break up text? Silent treatment? A certain phrase? I'm curious.
The last break up was my marriage and I went hell for leather with the spiteful comments! LOL!

But why can’t people just admit they are sad but wish the person well? I don’t get it

This.

Me too!! I thought I was the only one.

I really don't either.

It's as though some people aren't actually mature enough to date.

Agreed! It's okay (and mature) to be honest and admit you are sad about something!

Because being dumped bruises people’s egos and a lot of people don’t have the emotional maturity to handle it. It’s not about the dumper being happy, but about how hurt they are to be dumped.

It depends what they say, how they say it, how long you’ve dated.

A couple of months I would just say OK.

But pretending they didn’t care is just going to make the person feel even more sure about the dumping - because the other person clearly didn’t care (even though they did).
I would just be completely honest and say how sad I was but wish them well - but that door would be permanently closed though. But I would tell them how hurt I was and sad. And if they had cheated or treated me badly I’d still tell them how hurt I was.

I don’t get how pretending you don’t care saves ego really. It’s pretty obvious you are going to be gutted if you are in a relationship.

Men don’t want to hear how hurt and sad you are, they don’t care and will leave you on read.

I have known women pour their hearts out to men and they’ve never responded. Plus it’s all a bit much for a couple of months of dating.

It doesn’t save their ego, acting unbothered is designed to hurt the dumper. ‘I didn’t like you anyway so I’m not bothered’ sort of thing. Same reason why, when men try it on with women and get knocked back, they tend to retaliate with, ‘I didn’t like you anyway, you’re ugly’ 😂 it’s about planting the seed and making the other person feel shitty about themselves and second guess.

This! After a couple of months, a text is perfectly acceptable.

OP, just wish him well and get on with your life. I’m glad you’re not in wracking sobs over someone you’ve dated a matter of weeks.

After 2 months I’m guessing you have only been out together 4 or 5 times? I would just say something like “that’s ok, I wasn’t really feeling it either, take care x” and leave it at that. Then block him and move on.

No worries, all the best x

It is minimal effort though. And I'd never see them again anyway so it doesn't really matter.

I m hearing the feedback about the thumbs up.

For it being a sign of actually being disappointed, I can see it interpreted like that by some. Kids are very ironic with their emojis.

But, as a man, if a woman sent me back a whole sandwich about "how it was great to know you, etc." after I dumped her by text, I would find her a bit desperate if I were a p.o.s. OR I would feel guilty/have pity toward her if I were a decent one.

The "I was about to do it" and variations sounds very inauthentic and primary school, sorry.

So after reflection, I think @Charlize43 is onto something. Something totally uninterpretable, do his head in a bit. Beautiful.

But after a few months your feelings might not develop. You might think that person is awesome and wonderful but life isn’t growing. Or it could be in that time you realise an incompatibility. That’s no-ones fault, noones a bad person.

this could absolutely happen to me or my boyfriend of a couple of months. We are early stages getting to know each other and we are both good people. I’d like to think that if either of us wanted to end it because of lack of feelz developing or some u resolvable lack of compatibility we would say how sad we were nicely and kindly and wish each other the best. No need for spite.

That's why he probably won't dump you 💗

Emotional intelligence is a rare find!

New phone, who dat?

I like something like, ‘Thank you for your honesty. I agree - it has run its course/we didn’t really have much of a spark/it wasn’t really working out. All the best’.

Why do you think he’s going to break up with you? Has something happened?

So? Equally, no one has to pretend they “appreciate” being dumped and say so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tbh @inkognitha it doesn't need to go on for ages. Just

"Ah that's a shame, bit sad for me but all the best. Take care x'

The older I get, the more I really value emotional honesty. Most people can't do it, I find - they're too scared, of conflict, of being vulnerable. It's liberating. If you're sad, just say it. It's okay. It saves you ages too, and you don't need to ask a chat forum what to say!

Most men like the chase so you need to seem unbothered, even if you don’t want to stay or get back with him. And if you do find someone else never tell them how badly you were treated by other men - it only tells them what you will tolerate.

A simple "No problem, take care" is just fine.

Block, delete and move on like the mature adult you are.

I would say something like "I appreciate the honesty, all the best to you". It's much nicer and more adult to let things end on a good note.

Saying "I was thinking the same" makes you sound silly, if you really had been thinking the same you'd have broken up with him. And why would it need to be said anyway? It would make you sound immature and bitter.

I have broken up with people after a couple of months by text before, I think breaking up in person after such a short period of time would be a bit dramatic. I have much more respect for the men who said something like "no worries, thank you for letting me know and I wish you well". Getting a passive aggressive or immature response just makes me think "thank goodness I dodged that bullet."