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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex Has New Girlfriend - Losing My Mind

161 replies

Coconut97 · 20/06/2025 09:46

Basically what the title says…

My ex and I have 2 children together, youngest is 6 months. I have just found out he’s got a new girlfriend via social media and I’m losing my mind.

We have barely spoken since I was around 6 months pregnant with second baby, yet a few days ago he started to follow me on social media, he’s been liking my posts. I sent him a message to be friendly (before I knew about new gf) and he didn’t reply but ‘liked’ it, then two days later changed the ‘like’ to a ‘heart’ …

I’m a lot younger than my ex (nearly 16 years) and his new gf is probably around 40. This sounds awful but he spent most of our relationship saying I was too fat, yet she looks bigger than me and he’s saying she’s the best thing since sliced bread! He’d always say I was out of my prime now (late twenties) yet she’s over a decade older than me!

I literally haven’t slept, can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why is this woman so much better than me?! Do I just block him on everything now? I really don’t want to be scrolling though socials and see a pic of them cosied up!

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 21/06/2025 18:16

oh my god he respects women so much he slept with a prostitute. Why are you flagellating yourself over this waste of skin?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/06/2025 18:20

Then I found out his ex wife left him due to him sleeping with a prostitute.

Why didn't you dump him then?

Coconut97 · 21/06/2025 18:30

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/06/2025 18:20

Then I found out his ex wife left him due to him sleeping with a prostitute.

Why didn't you dump him then?

Honestly. I was 23, heavily pregnant, lost my job due to covid and panicking.

OP posts:
Lolo2000 · 21/06/2025 20:07

@Girlmom35 best response I've ever seen!

@Coconut97 I think most of us have been where you are, or know someone who has.
I have no real advice for you, but I wish you all the best.

Crystaltipsandalistaire · 22/06/2025 09:36

Respectfully, move on

inkognitha · 22/06/2025 13:18

I think 1st half of @Coconut97 post is amazing, i totally disagree with the second half.

Not all men who do shitty things to a woman are abusers who will do it all the time and to all women. That is so false. Same thing as not all selfish people are narcissists, that’s another piece of counterproductive bs that doesn’t make women reflect on how they actually eased the way for these assh**les to ruin their lives.

Most men abuse or act shittily towards women because they don’t value them, they are inconsequential. Men think highly of themselves in general, they would of course shag anything with a pulse, but deep down, they want a 10. When they can’t get a 10, they project their self-hatred on the 3s and the 4s who give them too easily the time of the day (sorry for using the 10 terminology but that’s how they see things).

That’s the reason why being kind, insecure, a pushover, treating a date like a best friend etc, is really going against your best interest in dating. Men don’t value what’s free or available to everyone, even if it’s good-hearted and kind. Because if she put out with me without me making too much of an effort/being really challenged, any guy can get her, she’s easy.

You can be rich, beautiful, kind, intelligent, sexy, perfect in every aspect, if you don’t pose a real challenge to the guy before giving him the best of you (physically and emotionally), if you don’t make him respect you as a force not to be messed with first, you will forever be a placeholder, an easy one, not « the one ». That’s why you have single supermodels and single women with a heart of gold.

That’s what this awful, lowlife piece of trash is saying. I’m so sorry he took advantage of you and has been so cruel to you @Coconut97

Stop being nice to all men, ladies, that’s really not how you will make them love you and treat you well.

deismevav · 22/06/2025 13:22

He sounds like a ridiculous twat.

Coconut97 · 22/06/2025 13:22

inkognitha · 22/06/2025 13:18

I think 1st half of @Coconut97 post is amazing, i totally disagree with the second half.

Not all men who do shitty things to a woman are abusers who will do it all the time and to all women. That is so false. Same thing as not all selfish people are narcissists, that’s another piece of counterproductive bs that doesn’t make women reflect on how they actually eased the way for these assh**les to ruin their lives.

Most men abuse or act shittily towards women because they don’t value them, they are inconsequential. Men think highly of themselves in general, they would of course shag anything with a pulse, but deep down, they want a 10. When they can’t get a 10, they project their self-hatred on the 3s and the 4s who give them too easily the time of the day (sorry for using the 10 terminology but that’s how they see things).

That’s the reason why being kind, insecure, a pushover, treating a date like a best friend etc, is really going against your best interest in dating. Men don’t value what’s free or available to everyone, even if it’s good-hearted and kind. Because if she put out with me without me making too much of an effort/being really challenged, any guy can get her, she’s easy.

You can be rich, beautiful, kind, intelligent, sexy, perfect in every aspect, if you don’t pose a real challenge to the guy before giving him the best of you (physically and emotionally), if you don’t make him respect you as a force not to be messed with first, you will forever be a placeholder, an easy one, not « the one ». That’s why you have single supermodels and single women with a heart of gold.

That’s what this awful, lowlife piece of trash is saying. I’m so sorry he took advantage of you and has been so cruel to you @Coconut97

Stop being nice to all men, ladies, that’s really not how you will make them love you and treat you well.

This actually makes sense. Maybe it’s why the men you push off, barely text back and act uninterested in always come running back with force.

OP posts:
inkognitha · 22/06/2025 13:58

Coconut97 · 22/06/2025 13:22

This actually makes sense. Maybe it’s why the men you push off, barely text back and act uninterested in always come running back with force.

Indeed, men are spurned by a no in a way women are not, it wakes up their competitive instinct.

OP, if you can, I suggest you read « men don’t love women like you » by GL Lambert. This book changed my life, took me a few years and a few readings to really digest it and a progressive change of views and behaviour, but it’s what changed me from being the woman whose friends don’t understand why she’s single or never in a truly committed relationship because « she has so much to offer ». I had a lot to offer but I was not valuing it enough, I was too nice too easily, I was not putting myself first. And i didn’t understand at all how men were seeing things differently from women.

I send you many positive thoughts OP, and if I had your ex in my vicinity, I would berate him on your behalf until his b*lls fall off.

💐

DrowningInSyrup · 02/10/2025 03:27

Bless you, you sound lovely, sensitive and full of heart. He didn't deserve you. Make sure he is contributing to his children financially and hope his girlfriend is caring towards them. He really sounds awful. I wish I could convince you that you really shouldn't have been treated like this, no one should. I'd recommend a total SM break or at least block him. You don't need to see any of that. He's a goady, horrible person.

Darragon · 02/10/2025 03:38

🧟🧟‍♂️🧟 ZOMBIE

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