Ex Has New Girlfriend - Losing My Mind

[Coconut97]

Basically what the title says…

My ex and I have 2 children together, youngest is 6 months. I have just found out he’s got a new girlfriend via social media and I’m losing my mind.

We have barely spoken since I was around 6 months pregnant with second baby, yet a few days ago he started to follow me on social media, he’s been liking my posts. I sent him a message to be friendly (before I knew about new gf) and he didn’t reply but ‘liked’ it, then two days later changed the ‘like’ to a ‘heart’ …

I’m a lot younger than my ex (nearly 16 years) and his new gf is probably around 40. This sounds awful but he spent most of our relationship saying I was too fat, yet she looks bigger than me and he’s saying she’s the best thing since sliced bread! He’d always say I was out of my prime now (late twenties) yet she’s over a decade older than me!

I literally haven’t slept, can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why is this woman so much better than me?! Do I just block him on everything now? I really don’t want to be scrolling though socials and see a pic of them cosied up!

Yes. He pays for everything for our children. Like I said before, he’s a really good Dad. I think I’m just SO low that now I’ve seen him all over social media with a new woman I’m literally broken.

What a catch he was.

I just keep reading here and elsewhere, about low life men who literally couldnt stoop any lower and oh yes they do! I mean WTF? An older man practically grooms you ,getting his kicks from a young woman on his arm .Then turns around (when the going gets tough, and young kids are hard work) and goes off with someone older (without small DC I expect) You couldnt make it up.He is a POS who just wants someone different to get his dick wet with! You feel raw and broken ATM.Are your family nearby ,or could you stay with them for a bit maybe.You are a young attractive woman, who has plenty of time to enjoy herself, and maybe meet someone in time who is worthy of her.Disgusting comments about weight and tummies ,suggests someone only interested in sex and no doubt is no lightweight himself!

What a nasty piece of work he is, so cruel.

Ignore anything negative he's ever said to you, he's weak.

A full response.

And he doesnt get to decide or define your selfworth @Coconut97 You are an amazing woman. He is trying to reel you in so he can abuse you again. His abuse appetite insist fully satiated (it never is). Move on. You can unlink your accounts and stop seeing what he is posting

Block everything and go and get some therapy. He is your past and your kids are your future

so block him and stop looking? if you believe his propaganda of what he thinks his life is meant to look like then you are foolish.

Also he followed me on social media after seeing m out and about. I’ve clearly lost weight since he last saw me when we registered baby and was looking a bit better. All drop offs are done by family at the moment so I’ve not seen him in months.

But OP WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS!!!!!!!! Why is HIS opinion on something (and something he only said to make you feel bad anyway) of any value?

He sounds vile. I hope you can forget him OP. Move on and be happy again.
You dont need a man to be happy you know. You can be more happy without one.

so drop offs are done by a 3rd party as he treated you badly? Hardly good dad material is he?

You're completely obsessing over your weight and it seems that all you want is for him to not think you're fat. You aren't fat, and what he thinks doesn't matter anyway.

He’s attractive but not drop dead gorgeous. He has a very good job which is probably what reels them in as I honestly don’t know what a grown woman would want with a man who has 4 children by 2 different women with 2 being under school age.

so why do you want him? And why does his view of your weight have any impact on you? Surely you exist to satisfy more than the male gaze?

I think I’ve been so torn down over 5 years. Cheated on, been told I’m unattractive, fat, won’t get any decent man, who would want you etc!

I literally don’t know how to move on from him because I feel like without him there is no future. I didn’t work when we were together so it’s not like I have a job to go back to. Now I’ve got 2 beautiful children who I love dearly but I feel like that’s it, my life is over.

This is a fantastic post.
Nothing else needed.
Move on from him

I am going to be blunt. At some point his wife (who is still married to him and has 2 of his kids) and probably looked at you, and it will have more than grated.
Because none of us can make ourselves younger. She will have pictured you having a lovely life with him, and she was left behind. I dread to think what he’s told her.
You just stepped into her nightmare shoes.
And now someone else is in them. And men like him go into their 70’s and beyond.
The reason he hasn’t got a VS model
is… why would he? Is he Adam Levine? And he cheated on his. Even supermodels get cheated on.
He is not a good dad. He just spends money on his kids.
His poor wife is still married to him and now has had to look at you, and this new woman. I would think she’s probably the broken one, otherwise she would have divorced him.
You are not broken, or a victim, you are not ugly and you are a person in your own right.

@Coconut97

What his GF looks like, or how old she is has nothing to do with your looks, or your self-worth. Or rather, it should not.
He used to put you down NOT because something was wrong with you, but rather because he liked controlling you. And messing with your head was the best way to keep you down, so you wont get any ideas - like leaving him because he is a crap partner.

Hope you get some help - counselling? Friends? Women support group? - to help you realise that you have been in an abusive relationship. And that you don’t need a man to prop up your self-esteem.

As to any of his GFs being called mommy - it won’t happen. You are their mother. His GFs will come and go, and kids will come to see his occasional partners as what they are - temporary GFs. It’s not the women’s fault he is like that - and you are not in competition with them

Don't expect rational or logical behavior from him. Just bc you're broken up doesn't mean he won't try to mess with your head unfortunately. It's not that new girlfriend is "better" than you, it's just that she's willing to put up with him, for now. He's in the phase now were he's showing himself in the best light to her, but that may change.

Does he pay child support?

Oh OP. You have two children you love, you're still young, you're absolutely NOT fat, and you still have so much time to start a career that you love and have a life that you love.

What he thinks about you, your stomach, his new girlfriend, or frankly anything else doesn't matter.

And for the record you're a tall size 12 and I'm a short size 14 who keeps all my weight on my stomach and still managed to be a massive goer when I was single. You're the only one thinking about any of this!!

It's not that you're huge and she's perfect, that's his tool to manipulate and hurt you. There's no truth in what he says, he's just always looking for ways to hurt. Try to stop valuing his opinion. He also may put up with things in order to use her, ie will be looking for someone to help with housework, bills, sex, childcare longer term.

Oh, come on now Op. Can't you see that his words and actions don't match? He says you're ugly, and yet, he was happy to have you on his arm, and he found you sexy enough that he had sex with you many times, and happily ejaculated. Sorry to be so graphic, but that's the truth. He's flighty though. Doesn't want monogamy and likes to hurt people, by saying cruel things. Why you believe him, I have no idea?

My first H was a bit like this. I'm older now, but when we were together, honestly I was stunning. He still managed to put me down, and cheated all the time. It was never about me. I was a lovely wife, we had plenty of sex and I looked good. It was about him, and his defective personality. He has cheated on every woman he's been with since me! He's fucking 57, they never change, it's the way these idiots roll.

You will meet someone else, and realise this, because the guy you end up marrying will be so lovely, that you'll see this wanker for who he really is. You have to trust me on this. Meantime, I would get yourself onto Vinted, buy a pair of men's size 12 boots, place them on the front step, and when his family member next collects the kids, let them notice the big boots and report back to this wanker that there's a man at your house. See how he likes those apples.

STOP SNOOPING

My husband left me for a woman 20y younger than me, no kids, great figure, no responsibilities, really pretty. I was a wreck, but it turns out, so was he. He’d been in a major mental health episode, dealing with some trauma from his youth, he’d been depressed for about 3 years at that point, she was a distraction, a boost to his on the floor ego. I told him at the time that he thought he was leaving his troubles behind but he couldn’t outrun them, he was taking his biggest issues with him… him.

Apparently within a month he’d had a total mental health breakdown, shaking uncontrollably 24 hours a day, crying, wanting to commit suicide. As a result he’d lost his job, lost his car, his children weren’t talking to him, he was homeless. She became quite mentally abusive, probably because she got someone completely different to what she’d been expecting. During this time I was a wreck thinking I’d lost my beautiful man, my lovely marriage, I thought she was better than me, I thought he was skipping off into the sunset without me. How wrong could I be?

Don’t think in anyway that your thoughts on what their relationship is like is based on reality, it’s just in your head, mostly it’s nothing like it.

Very wise words