Ex Has New Girlfriend - Losing My Mind

[Coconut97]

Basically what the title says…

My ex and I have 2 children together, youngest is 6 months. I have just found out he’s got a new girlfriend via social media and I’m losing my mind.

We have barely spoken since I was around 6 months pregnant with second baby, yet a few days ago he started to follow me on social media, he’s been liking my posts. I sent him a message to be friendly (before I knew about new gf) and he didn’t reply but ‘liked’ it, then two days later changed the ‘like’ to a ‘heart’ …

I’m a lot younger than my ex (nearly 16 years) and his new gf is probably around 40. This sounds awful but he spent most of our relationship saying I was too fat, yet she looks bigger than me and he’s saying she’s the best thing since sliced bread! He’d always say I was out of my prime now (late twenties) yet she’s over a decade older than me!

I literally haven’t slept, can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why is this woman so much better than me?! Do I just block him on everything now? I really don’t want to be scrolling though socials and see a pic of them cosied up!

Block him and use the parenting app to arrange contact for the dc.

Seriously block him on all platforms, he doesn't want you, he wants you to want him, that is all. It gives him a buzz and strokes his ego. Don't give him the satisfaction.

You are worth so much more than that!

Because he wants to make you jealous & keep you on a string. Because he's a manipulative pig. Because he doesn't see women as actual real humans like him and they can be picked up & played with and thrown down again.

He's doesn't give a shit - if he did he wouldn't be with someone else, he would support his children and would do more than literally press a button on his phone to engage with you.

It would be healthiest for you if you ignored his bullshit, got on with your life and made a happy future for yourself and your kids without this cheating, fuck up messing it up for you.

I'd do that.

@Girlmom35 - bravo! Perfect response!

I don't know where people are getting that he abandoned the children and doesn't parent them from? OP, did I miss that or are people just making that up?

You don't want him, you just think you do because he's made you feel like you don't have choices. I bet if you set up a Tinder profile you'd get loads of matches in a few minutes. I don't think finding anyone else should be your priority though, because it sounds like you need some time to focus on you and work out who you are without him.

If he's still seeing them regularly, you have time to yourself to exercise, start a project, hobby or course, or whatever else it is that makes you feel good about yourself and builds your confidence.

And block him on social media- he's not your friend.

OP, seriously ask yourself, is his opinion worth anything at all? If you had not dated him, if you had only heard about his behavior, if you had to judge his actions as a stranger, what would you think of him? Would you even want to be friends with someone like him?

I think there is something very wrong with him. If one of my sons starting dating a 22 year old at age 38 I would be questioning what I did wrong. He sounds like a bit of a perv to be honest. Men who are obsessed by the way women look and going for younger girls gives me the ick. I think it's because my dad was like this. He was a deeply unpleasant man who spent the last 20 years of his life alone doing crosswords.
I had a friend who lost a lot of weight, got married and her husband left her for another woman. She couldn't understand why he had gone for someone who was fatter than she was because in her head it was the way she looked that had attracted him. I think you are locked into the same mindset. This has nothing to do with the way you look, it is all about his fucked up personality. Please try to see that.

He's doing it to mess with his new girlfriends mind. There will be a power imbalance in this relationship too and she will be vulnerable in some way. Maybe she hasn't had children but hopes he will be her last chance? What ever the reason, it will be about power over women.

Get over him.
Don't look why he does what he does or said what he said, look why is bothering you now that you are free from his shitty mouth and who knows what else.
Don't let him live free on your mind. Just move on, work on yourself and live a better life.

Bloody hell, first post really nailed it. No sympathy for anyone crying over this piece of shite.

I don't know where people are getting that he abandoned the children and doesn't parent them from? OP, did I miss that or are people just making that up?

Educated guess from the countless similar threads?

I thought this too. He's a narcissist OP and will be getting a kick out of your imagined pain.

Don't give him the satisfaction.

One of the problems of using psychobabble like trauma bond is that it allows people to think they are ill, deeply scarred and helpless rather than bloody stupid (we have all been there at some point!). If you know you have made a mistake, you have agency. You can stop, correct course. If you keep thinking or being told that unwise behaviour and decisions are due to deeper, unconscious hurts, you are likely to lose agency and fall into victim mode. Not everything is trauma!

tbh I am worried your self esteem is so low you took back a cheater and now are sobbing cos you want him to want you.

With kindness, pls block him, let CMS get any help for you and pls find some counselling to work on your self esteem. You would hate to pass on this utter lack of self worth to your precious children

I remember years ago my boyfriend dumped me to get back with his ex wife. I rang my brother in tears and he said to me meanmyguy, wherever he is he is not crying over you. It has always stuck with me and I repeat it when i need it.

Don't lose your mind over this gaslighting creep. He's absolutely not worth it.

Get some therapy because you need to work on your self-esteem.

so that you would find out obviously. just block him and her.

I’ve blocked him on everything. I’m in SO much pain and I literally feel like the ugliest pig in the world right now. I don’t want to see them together.

Can I say this poster is a wise and compassionate woman who is absolutely correct. Listen to her. In fact print out this post, stick it on your fridge and go and read it every time you feel sad about losing this horrible manipulative sad excuse for a man. You are worth 100 x him.

He is a very good Dad, just an absolute nightmare of a partner!

You don’t seem to have a grasp of what a ‘very good dad’ is. Or, your bar is extremely low. A very good dad does not treat the mother of his children the way he treated you, that’s the opposite of ‘very good dad’ parenting. It’s worrying for your children that you don’t understand this.

He is not a good Dad. A good Dad would not be treating the mother of his DC so poorly and would be prioritising his DCs' wellbeing and security, rather than his new relationship.

As a matter of fact I think there is a special place in Hell for men like him who abandon their partners when they are pregnant/with small babies. So I think he is scum & I am sure I am not alone.

I couldn't agree more.

You had a shitty relationship and he made you feel bad about yourself. You've done your wallowing now, time to just ignore him and stop letting him be the main character.

You are not broken.
You have been treated very badly by a man who picked a young girl who he saw as vulnerable. So he could treat her like shit, fill her head with nonsense and cheat on her.
He’s now mid 40s and still behaving like a teenage - a foolish one.
The woman I pity is the one he’s with. No doubt she will get replaced.
He is trying to mess your mind. He is winning.
Your future doesn’t lie either worrying about who will want you because of your stomach.
Your future lies with you and your children.
The way you feel now, you will attract a man probably worse than this one.
Take a break from worrying about a partner, and enjoy being a mum. Think about your future and what you would like to do
with it.
Some other poor woman will be left to wipe his arse one day.
You are so young with decades to go. You have a life outside of this man, and how he treated you.
But you will not meet a decent one in the future if you speak about yourself unkindly. That will just attract more unkindness.
Let Mid Life Crisis Carl go and put his pathetic posts all over so socials - so what. It means nothing.
And if you let him back, and he sounds the type to try, you are allowing a life of misery.
Don’t.
To add: a decent man won’t notice your stomach. They never do.

Just please tell me he's paying towards his children

Then block him on everything except an email address that's just for him

PS Shit human beings are not 'very good dads'

I’ve lost nearly 2 stone since 6 weeks post partum and I’m really trying to get rid of the rest. I’m wearing a size 12 mostly and I’m quite tall so not like I’m huge but he’d always say I was. Now he’s with a woman that (from what I can see) is quite a bit bigger than me? Why am I huge and fat but she’s perfect?!

That’s what’s grating at me. The fact he repeatedly said I was basically a troll yet this new girl is normal, not particularly ‘glam’ which is what he’s attracted too apparently and he’s saying she’s ’divine feminine energy’ all over socials!!!