Ex Has New Girlfriend - Losing My Mind

[Coconut97]

Basically what the title says…

My ex and I have 2 children together, youngest is 6 months. I have just found out he’s got a new girlfriend via social media and I’m losing my mind.

We have barely spoken since I was around 6 months pregnant with second baby, yet a few days ago he started to follow me on social media, he’s been liking my posts. I sent him a message to be friendly (before I knew about new gf) and he didn’t reply but ‘liked’ it, then two days later changed the ‘like’ to a ‘heart’ …

I’m a lot younger than my ex (nearly 16 years) and his new gf is probably around 40. This sounds awful but he spent most of our relationship saying I was too fat, yet she looks bigger than me and he’s saying she’s the best thing since sliced bread! He’d always say I was out of my prime now (late twenties) yet she’s over a decade older than me!

I literally haven’t slept, can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why is this woman so much better than me?! Do I just block him on everything now? I really don’t want to be scrolling though socials and see a pic of them cosied up!

Your priorities are all wrong. You can't unscramble the unfortunate decision to have become involved with this man at all or going on to have 2 children by him. You don't work- do you intend to?

You need to stop thinking about this man and make sure you don't repeat the mistakes.

How can you possibly say he's "a good father"? He stopped speaking to you when you were pregnant. Or do you mean "good father" the way Liam Gallagher was to the daughter he didn't see until she was a teen [i.e wasn't involved but at least had the grace to pay for his daughter and her mother to have a comfortable life]

Pfft women don't hit their prime till middle age, right about when we learn not to bother with misogynist fuckfaces like your ex.

Don't think she needs your judgement about not working right now. It is not always the root of every single problem and shockingly some of us still maintain a sense of self even when not in paid employment.

How she's going to support these children should be her concern.

Paid employment might stop nonsense like

" I literally don’t know how to move on from him because I feel like without him there is no future"

This bloke was never worth giving the time of day to.

He is doing this to make the new gf feel inferior, move on be glad it isn’t you anymore and be happy.

OP, I mean this gently, but it doesn't sound like you're taking on board anything that anyone here is telling you.
You sound fixated on your appearance vs new GF's appearance.
You have fully absorbed what your ex has told you, because he got into your head and ground you down.
You need help to unpick everything.
You need real life support.

I don’t think any man respects any woman who takes him back after cheating.
his actions are no reflection on who you are, you’re still as beautiful now as you were when he met you, his actions are a reflections of the person he is. She will also be in your shoes sooner or later & so will the next person & so On.
stay beautiful, you’ve got this, look to the future, not the past! x

Sorry but all this "you're just as beautiful" "stay beautiful" advice really isn't helpful.

People's worth and value shouldn't have any relevance to physical beauty.

Stop obsessing about the weight. Fat bitchez deserve love too—and they get it if they are with the right lover. There are magazines and porn sites absolutely devoted to fat fetishists! And there are men who love and dedire their wives post baby and post menopause too—Im lying right next to mine right now and he adores my wobbly bits 35 years on.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Beating a dead horse and a broken drum. He is not in fact the judge of you. If he doesn’t love you just as you are and will be then fuck him straight into the bin, slam the lid, and walk away. There are plenty of good fish in the sea.

Right now I bet he's telling the new gf how old she is and how his previous gf was so peachy young... The SM may also be to make her jealous.

Odds are high that he's torturing her like he tortured you, OP. The common denominator is him.

Amazing response

He is not a good father. Good fathers treat the mothers of their children with respect, whether they are together or not. Good dadding isn't about the money.

You are focussing way, way too much on appearance. I hope it's not rude to say that that's probably because you're very young. What people look like just isn't that important. Your ex can say what he likes online and to you about his new girlfriend but realistically you know nothing about their relationship. Maybe she's secretly filthy rich and he's in it for the money? Maybe she does deeply suspect things in the bedroom which he has never dared to admit he wants before because any normal person would run a mile?

I definitely do not look as good now (in the conventional sense) as I did when I was your age. No way - and I didn't think I looked good then, just as you don't. But with age comes a certain amount of confidence. Despite looking much older and less 'pert', I know for a fact that I'm far more attractive to men now than I was then. Part of that comes down to realising where my worth lies, and it's not in my looks. You too will gain this with age, I think most women do, but not if you let dickheads like this fuck with your mind and make you believe otherwise.

And btw, a size 12 and quite tall is NOT fat by any metric. He's fucking with your mind. Don't let him. You can definitely find someone better but I wouldn't go out looking for it. Focus on you, on being the best version of you that you can be regardless of what he tells you you are. Focus on being the best mother for your kids and building a future for them and yourself that you can all enjoy. Be and do better than him. You surely must realise this man isn't worth your insecurity and heartache?

OP he said all those nasty things to you because he wanted to destroy your self worth. And look how effective his tactic was! Instead of acknowledging that you are better off without this abusive man you're now questioning yourself again. Thinking what's wrong with you and why you're not good enough.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're the one allowing his manipulative words to define you while in reality they define him as a person, not you.
Stop engaging in his social media or unnecessary communication. You only need each other's phone numbers and maybe emails to discuss practicalities regarding children.

My mother is still in love with a man at 64 who strings her along as a ‘friend’. He’s now married and convinced her it was just for the kids. She recently told him she might have breast cancer and he said “don’t stress until the results come in and I can’t talk now as we are on a yacht in Greece’ and then never checked in again.

Shes finally realised that even after all these years, even as a friend, he doesn’t genuinely care about her. She’s now deleted his number and everything.

Pining for someone won’t make them change or more likely to end up with you. You’ll just end up like my Mum wasting your time hoping and longing.

If you were valuing yourself and your time & how short life is, you wouldn’t be worried. Your energy should be going into advancing your life, fitness, health & finding new love. If you were valuing yourself and building yourself up you wouldn’t be on the correct path & meeting kind men. You wouldn’t not be stopping to think about how old or fat your ex’s girlfriend is compared to you or why you don’t meet his weird criteria. He doesn’t have criteria - he just wants people to head fuck & control.

Any Man who doesn’t support you and your beautiful children is a waste of time.

Honour yourself and your time.

i know this wasn't mean for me, but.. thank you, you said this and i saw it right where and when i needed to see it.
<3
Solstice Blessings to you.

Also I used to be a single mother and had many single/divorced friends with children. All of us found loving committed men. So can you. Howver life is not "over" just because you're single and having a focus on your own life and then who's best fit for you and your children will be much better then worrying about who will want you. The second one will only get you into another toxic relationship.

He doesn’t want you but still wants to hurt you. Block him, ignore him and move on. Is he contributing to the upkeep of his children?

I think it’s time to block him. Don’t give him the opportunity to taunt and emotionally abuse you.

Make your social profiles private.
Don't share anything on there.
Have a private group for those people who you want to share photos with.

For a number of possible reasons, none of them good. Could be to control you, liking/loving your posts etc and then flooring you with the new gf. It could be he is telling her you are better than she is to keep her on her toes. Maybe both. Block him. Ensure he pays everything he should be for the kids.

So imagine him talking to his daughter like that

Good dad? No he isn't. Good dads don't treat the mother of their children like garbage

You need to remember that when he was telling you you were fat, you weren't - it was just a tool to abuse you and make you feel like shit. If you'd have been insecure about your hair colour or your teeth he'd have used those instead.

He's telling the new GF she's amazing because that is also a tool to make her commit to him, so that he can abuse her down the line too.

None of things he is saying are true, and provably aren't even his real feelings - they are tools to get the effect he wants at that moment in time.

So there's no point comparing yourself to the new GF and wondering why he "chose" her, it doesn't work like that.

Man has wife and two children.

Man goes off and gets involved with another woman.

Man has two children with other woman.

Man goes off and gets involved with another woman.

I wonder how his first wife and children felt about you?

You don't need to imagine it.

Now another woman has welcomed a cheating failure into her life. I wonder how she'll be treated.

Men like this have a habit and will never change. Just go on rolling through the programme over and over again.

He got you so young, and started the brainwashing so early that you believe what he's fed you to keep you dependent and helpless.

Please get therapy. Learn a new point of view other than the one he systematically drummed into you.

See what he's doing.

When he tells you what you are - he is lying.

When he shows you what he is - that's the truth.

And no he's not a great dad. Doing the barest minimum of paying his dues while determinedly grinding you down? See it.

What did you think was going to happen when you had two kids with someone else’s husband? Is he a “great dad” to his first family too or did he dump them in favour of the newer ones?

I met him a year after they split up. I only found out he wasn’t divorced a year later. He said he was and I had no reason to question him. Then I found out his ex wife left him due to him sleeping with a prostitute.

He is a much better ex to his ‘ex wife’, she lives the high life on his money. It’s just me he seems to hate.